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OMG, I feel you, too. Your message really hit home with me for some reason and when I then read your posts, I feel even more similiarities. Despite everything you sound pretty even-keeled. I'm so sorry about your first husband and now this. I've gotten a lot of advice to "stay strong" and that I AM so strong, but shit, sometimes you just don't have choices, do you? It must be even more difficult for you, having a child. I can sympathize with the hourly mood swings, the blame. My husband's behavior is not as extreme, but even the smaller doses are, as you say, unbearably cruel. His ability to completely shut down, shut me out, and feel absolutely nothing toward me - bad enough to begin with - and then to pile cruelty on top of it pisses me off to no end. He gets to shut down while I get to feel everything. Yay me. I hear you about the scary parts, too. Even though my husband's behavior is not as extreme, I agree, it is so scary to see someone out of their mind. I can only imagine how even more heartwrentching for you and scarier, based on what you've described. How is the annulment going? That hadn't occurred to me as a possible choice but I think I myself would prefer that to a divorce. We can only look forward, be grateful for leaving the situation. It is so hard, all the well-meaning advice doesn't take the pain away. But you have to protect your daughter and yourself. Best wishes. |
