Trying to find forgiveness to survive

BIG OLD WRAP MY ARMS AROUND YA BEAR HUGS!!!

RED

yourself from getting sucked into that constant 'brainwashing'.

He can also act like at least 3 different people: (regular ok guy, everything is funny (even when it isn't), and mean cussing %^%&.)

If you are scared of him it is your survival instinct talking to

you...Listen to it!

Does he have any family you can talk to? How about his Dr.? Does his

doctor know about his disappearance acts and personality changes?

I would make sure some people are aware that you are not 'happy newlyweds'

You have to take precautions to protect yourself and your daughter.

BIG ((((HUG))))

Post edited by: sky, at: 03/15/2008 19:05

I believe you know that shortly he is going to hit a down phase, and will be back begging and pleading, stand strong, I know that you love him and right now the best love you can show for him is tough love, let him know that A: he has no place in your life till he gets treatment and shows you that he is willing to do what he has to do to get better, or B: he has no place in your life period..

Your daughters health and wellbeing and your health and wellbeing are the top priorities right now, as hard as it seems to believe, your broken heart will mend, her sadness will pass, and therapy can help you both through this.. having been married for such a short time you can probably have it annulled, especially when he was not truthful with you about his illnesses, I am not sure how it is going to be as far as the expenses on it.

For the money you paid out for his past taxes? you have basically a couple of choices, getting him to sign a promissory note like one of the ladies suggested, take him to small claims court and get a judgment against him.. or just chalk up the loss to history and a learning lesson.. sometimes just walking away is the best option.

We're here just about every hour of the night and day, sometimes around 1AM to 4AM it gets a little quiet, but there is bound to be someone around..

I see you have found us. I am sorry you have to go through this.

When we focus on our sick spouses so much, and are spending all of our time on them, we forget about ourselves, and our children.

It's time you detache from him, and focus on you, and your daughter.

It's your turn, now. Let him take care of himself. If we aloow others to continue abusing us, and taking advantage,we enable them to continue being sick. If he doesn't get help, he will just get worse. He will continue to cycle no matter what you do. If you keep chasing a truck, or stand in the way of it, you will get run over.

I am not from the States so I am not sure what happens in the mental health system over there. But here in NZ if someone is mentally unstable you call the public mental health unit and they try to get in touch with the person, if they dont want help they get the police to detain them and then take them to the hospital. I had to do this to my husband 2 weeks ago. The health system here is really good. Again im not sure what happens over there (I thnkits user pays over there isnt it ? healthcare is free here so its probably very different)- but my advice is get all the help you can from everywhere you can - family, friends, hospital, police- especially if you feel unsafe. Dont try to deal with this alone. There is no shame in asking for help and being honest about it. Do his family know about it ? if they are close to him get them invlved.

I quietly suffered through this not letting anyone know about it for 9 years ! - not anymore though. I had my husband commited for the first time and before he came home I told him he would be leaving the hospital alone if he didnt actively take charge of his illness. I told him I was standing for it no longer and would not put up with the crap a second longer. I would be there for him so long as he helped himself. I had been the one who made the appointments who read the books who searched the net who basically threw myself into his life and forgot completely about my own happiness and my childrens happiness. Dont make the same mistakes for you and your child. Your marriage is so new. Start out as you intend on going on. If he is not going to sort it out for himself he will completely ruin your life if you allow him to, and the crime would be allowing him to do the same for your daughter.

I promise you - you are not alone in this and there are plenty of people here like myself who have put there foot down. You can still be a loving and caring supportive person - but only for those who will help themselves. So far (and its early days) my husband and I are working through this very well. But I know that if it dosnt I will be ok.

And You will be too - you just have to have some faith in your heart and believe in yourself

all the best x

Today I saw an attorney. Sad to say I guess I am going to try and pursue an annulment and if I can't get that granted, a divorce. I have not heard from my bp husband since my last post but rumor has it he just returned to his old apartment, job and life like nothing ever happened- like he never got married, never made any promises, never even loved or knew us at all. He just walked away- no explanation- like he became a different human being in 24 hours. He did send me a small payment on the money he owes me with a sticky note on the check that said "Please send me an accounting of total amount owed". That's it. I am just some trivial obligation now. He loved me more than anything else in the world only weeks ago. Now he couldn't care less about me or my daughter. It's truly unbelieveable... I have to remind myself that he is gone everyday.

I read all your stories everyday and want to tell you how much your honesty and sharing has helped me cope with this tragedy. Because of you all I know it is best for me to get out now and that it really could have been so much worse- at least we have nothing together to fight over most of all a child. We had planned to have a baby as soon as we got married. Guess God really was watching over me.

It's hard to leave him when I know what saddness is coming his way, but I have to- I have a daughter who is watching everything I do.

Thank you all-