Bipolar Support Group

Hello everyone, I am new to this site. 2 years ago, my fiancee's brother committed suicide. My fiancee (who has bipolar) started using speed to cope with everything. He was using behind my back and lying to me. My gut told me he was using but I could not prove it and he denied it. It eventually came out. He admitted it to me and he told me he was going to stop and everything seemed fine for awhile. Now, the same patterns are showing up (he withdraws large amounts of money from the checking account, not sleeping, etc.) I am convinced he is using again but I cannot prove it. I am very concerned with the drug use and I don't know what to do. Drug use is dangerous enough, but taking mood altering substance when he already has constant mood fluctuations is even worse! Should I set up a drug intervention? We have a joing checking and savings account - should I withdraw all the money before he spends it all? HELP! Any advice is very much appreciated. I will try anything to try to help him, but if nothing works, I am going to have to leave him. I love him so much, but I can't live this way.

Welcome, MarielnTexas, Speed would not be good for someone with Bipolar Disease... if you have a joint checking take your money out and open your own account. Just put enough in the joint account to cover your joint expenses....Protect yourself...do it today, please...nothing more miserable than someone spending all the money....when they are manic. If he spends all the money in the joint account...don't keep putting money in there...

Norma is right, drugs affect your thinking so much nevermind the bipolar. You are asking for your account to get drained if you leave large sums of money and who is to say they won't take advantage of any overdraft plan you have. I know how the drug world works. I have seen addiction up close and personal. They just really alter your mind. Speed gives you cycles. Bipolar gives you cycles. What do you think is going to happen when you have two different beasts pulling you in directions. If you get real proof that they are using then an intervention might be a good idea. Addiction can be so blind. Is he shooting up or smoking? It doesn't sound like there could be a difference in it but shooting up comes with extra stuff. There is extra self harm in it. There are also addictions to actions. You need to do a little PI work for yourself. Take control of the finances and things that affect your livelyhood. If he is on drugs, you need some counseling too. We feed there addictions and no matter how much help they get they can come home and get pulled back in. We sometimes rely on their addictions just like they do.

Jenny

Thank you both Norma and Jenny. I think it probably best that I leave the joint checking account open for our joint expenses and open my own checking account for my expenses. The problem is going to be our savings account. It is both of our savings, so I may have to split it up and if he blows his part, then he blows his part. I think he just pulls the money out thinking that I'll take care of it, so no worries for him. When we first started dating, he was drinking alot and he got very angry and mean when he drank. I didn't make him choose between me or alcohol, but I did tell him that if he continued to drink, I was going to choose to leave him. He didn't believe me, but he kept drinking and I left him. It was very hard to do, but I made the boundary and I had to follow through with it. I cut off all communication for almost 2 years and then we started slowly talking again. I was so happy to find out that he had quit drinking and things were so much better - we actually began rebuilding our relationship. When his brother committed suicide, he began using speed behind my back so even though he had quit drinking, he just replaced it with speed. And I suspected it for awhile, and almost a year later, when I was ready to walk out the door and be done, that is when he admitted everything. I choose to stay with him and support him in quitting. I think he did for awhile, but now it has been almost a year and I have just started seeing those patterns I mentioned above. NO, he does not shoot it up, he smokes it. What is so ironic, is that his ex-girlfriend from years and years ago shot up speed behind his back and this was when he was drinking so he was not using any drugs. He has told me how angry he would get when he would find out she had lied about it and hid it, so I told him that he should know how I feel now! But, his reasoning is that she was shooting it up, and he was just smoking it, so that was much worse what she did! Yeah right. So, anyways, last weekend, I did find a pipe at his mom's house in one of our boxes. I confronted him on it over the weekend and wouldn't you know that it is NOT his, and he has NO idea how it got there?! I just started individual counseling and him and I go together twice a week too. I think I may try an intervention.

It does sound like he is back on drugs. It can be really scary. He seems to kind of have an addictive personality. An intervention sounds like your best bet. You seem to already know what to do and I think you have it under control. Maybe just wanted a second oppinnion. If the pipe was at his moms then is this where he is going to do drugs. Maybe you should talk to his mom and get her opinion of what her son is up to. She should know better than anyone if she has been able to recognize earlier addictions. Smoking speed can really hurt your lungs not to mention body. I have always thought that speed is the worst because there is nothing natural about it. Other drugs are from natural found plants like cocoa, and the poppy plant. Meth is all chemicals and when you add that to emotional problems you are begging for disaster.

I want to say that I am not calling any drug safe.

Ha ha! I know what you meant!

Good. I was so afraid someone would read it and think I was saying to go get some heroin cause it comes from a plant. LOL

I don't know where he is going to use the drugs, but I think he may use them over there because his mom doesn't pick up on the drug use "signs" as well as I do. It is hard because alot of the signs of speed use mirror manic symptoms... rapid speech, not eating, not sleeping, etc. So I think she may just think he is being manic. But for me, if I see money missing, and he is not eating or sleeping, I tend to think he is using rather than think he is just being manic. I have talked to his mom about this and she is very supportive and told me she would help in any way she can. You are right, I think I know what I need to do but I just don't know how to go about it. I have never done an intervention, so I don't even know where to start or how to approach it?

It is also probably that she doesn't want to see it and that he puts it to her like its just mania when she asks. If you see money disappear it has to be going somewhere. Has he lost weight. Have you ever watched that show that comes on A&E Intervention. It comes on on monday nights. I watch it everyweek. You can go online and see some. They help and give alot of tips. You need to have a mediator. Someone who is neutral in it and can tell you what steps tp take.