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jennipurr
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my son is 10 and his step father is bipolar. my son has been having some behavioral problems for awhile now and it came out last week that it's b/c of my hubby. my son cried to me that he's worried that my hubby will hurt me or him when he gets mad. my son knows my hubby is bipolar, but it's hard to explain. does anyone have any suggestions or books i could get for my son to read? i feel so guilty right now for putting my son through this. i thought i'd been sheltering him from how bad things are, but i haven't been doing as well as i thought. |
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carmen33
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Jenni, I don't believe that any amount of reading is going to help this, your son has stated his fears plain and simple, you need to listen.. if it is because your husband is abusive, either in words or deeds, the only way a book is going to help is if it is made out of solid rock and you use it to beat your husband over the head.. Your child is in crisis here, and it is up to you to protect and nurture him.. by you refering to your son and your husband, I am taking it that this person is not his father? the environment we grow up in can damage us for life, I know that you love your husband I am sure, but you also love your son, right now I am sure that while he might comprehend that your husband is sick, he is not old enough to realize the extent of that illness.. once again, it is on you to protect and nurture your son..even if that means at the expense of your marriage, there is no person on the face of this earth that is more important to me than my babies.. |
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jennipurr
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im scared. i want to be with my hubby, but i want my son to be okay too. can't i have both? don't other people make this work?
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Gypsy
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Hi jennipurr, I have 4 kids. 3 have been through my bipolar, and their step dad's issues. I put them in therapy to help them deal with this stuff. WE also have gotten help for our issues WE have fought off and on for last five years, and my kids have helped us see how it effects them. I am still in therapy for my bipolar, and other issues. It has helped my relationship alot. I was amazed at how I ignored my kids, and only cared about fixing my boyfriend. The focus becomes all about the sick one in the family. The kids lose out. They also learn from what we do. I learned it from my mom, and dad. We learn that we aren't worth while, or important. I had to learn to put me, and my kids first, and allow my boyfriend to find his own resources. Hang in there and remember you don't have be alone in this. God Bless,Gypsy |
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glory
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Oh man, I have to agree with carmen here. Which came first, since he is a step-father, I assume the son. I for one, before I married my second husband, made it quite clear to him that my kids would ALWAYS come first. He accepted it and has been very understanding ( he has no choice). I am a real stickler on this subject, to me, a man might keep my feet warm, but my kids will keep my heart warm.....forevermore. Gloria He who laughs last thinks slowest.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!
Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes.
Here lies,
All cold and hard,
The last damn dog,
That pooped in my yard!
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carmen33
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Jenni, is your husband willing to get help? to learn not to be abusive and to function as a role model and father figure? have you considered therapy for your child? if you haven't considered it, then it is something that you should, and he is going to need it even if you do split from the hubby.. if the answer is no to any of the questions about the hubby, that should give you the answer in it's self.. if he is not willing to take the steps he needs to take to make this a viable family unit then you don't have a choice in the matter, unless you want to chose him over your child.. |
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zinnia
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right there with you ladies. recently broke up with a guy i was dating because (and i'm not exhaggerating) he thought that i wasn't strong enough to parent two boys and i should let him take over. we weren't engaged or anything even close. mess with anything about my boys and you're a goner, even if everything else about a guy is great, that makes him total nothing in my book. great analogy about those babies keeping your heart warm. that's just what they do...in between driving us crazy...lololol Well behaved women rarely make history.
Thou canst not disturb a flower without the troubling of a star...from "Troubling a Star", by Madelaine L'Engle...we all affect one another by our words and actions...it is our choice whether to do so purposefully and positively, or carelessly and hurtfully...may we all bring to one another the peace that we seek...
"if you want others to be happy, practice compassion. if you want to be happy, practice compassion" the Dahli Laama
Peace-
Zinnia
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norma
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I was in a relationship after i got divorced and the guy was not kind to my childern....kids come first...if someone loves you they will be kind and understanding to your children from a previous relationship. I have step-children and treat them as my own....my husband treats my kids the same way...they are OUR kids.... I think it important that if you are picking up messages that seen to indicate that harm may come to a child, or anyone steps should be taken to protect all concerned. Bipolar disease should not be an excuee to abuse anyone...verbally, physically, or mentally. There may be other issues involved. As the others PROTECT YOUR BABIES. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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