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06/07/2009 10:14 AM

Shouldn't significant other be there to support me

Posts: 6

I have been with this girl for 2 years. We have a baby together. Our MO has always been we'll have 4 or 5 great days together and then all of a sudden will get into a big fight over the same stupid stuff....namely me getting mad at her for little things or me being irritable/angry for little or no reason. In other words, I wasn't very pleasant to be around.

The good times we have together are great....we even went and picked out an engagement band (and bought it) not even 2 months ago. However, the last few months she has thought I had some issues I needed to see someone about. I was miserable all the time, etc. etc. I kept putting it off not thinking I needed to do so.

Lately, she has been saying she won't see me again unless I am significantly better or on medication. 2 weeks ago I went to a PDoc and was prescribed Depakote. It has worked great. My anger and irrability are pretty much gone. That week we went....we were on one of those great weeks between her and I. However, the Friday I went to the doctor, which was the day before I was going to start taking the Depakote, we got in a huge fight and she broke up with me again because I basically had an episode.

However....this medication has helped alot. I also started going back to church this week and talking to a psychologist-basically hitting this problem on several different fronts. In other words, the fight last week would never have happened if I had already started the Depakote.

Now....even though I swear to her I feel so much better, she doesn't want to be around. She doesn't believe I could be fixed this quickly. However, I am absolutely depressed she isn't is hampering my recovery. If she loves me, shouldn't she be here supporting me through this and not instead leave when I have a flareup (like last week when I wasn't even on meds)?

I see it from her POV and I know my flareups are always directed at has taken a toll on her.

Any advise?


06/07/2009 11:26 AM

Welcome to the group, jon4.

In all honesty, some people just can't handle being in a relationship with someone that has bipolar disorder, and there's only so much that one person should have to take. Perhaps, if you give her time to see that you are stable, she'll come back, but that's not a guarantee.

06/07/2009 11:43 AM
Posts: 62

It's a good thing you can see it from her POV. She may not be equipped to deal w/a bipolar bf or husband.

Even on medication, these episodes happen. She may need to know you are stable for a long length of time before she commits again. This is a tough illness to deal with on both sides.


06/07/2009 12:21 PM
Posts: 6

She said she loved me, though. Shouldn't someone who loves you give you another chance if you aren't that old horrible person you were when you weren't on medication?

06/07/2009 12:31 PM

In her mind, I don't think you've given her enough time to prove that you're stable. That is just going to take time.

06/07/2009 12:55 PM
taurusPosts: 2893
Senior Member

Welcom Jon4, just give her some space. I know your feeling better but she needs to be absolutely sure. See if she'll read a book on bipolar or see if she'll get on this sight and talk in the one for people who are with someone with bipolar. Just suggest, explain that you just want her to understand you better. If she doesn't know anything about it she may just be scared.

06/07/2009 01:07 PM
Posts: 5693
VIP Member

Hi jon4, welcome. Maybe you can recommend couples counseling to her? It could show your commitment to her and the relationship. Other then that I agree with the others, these things take time. Just be patient.

06/07/2009 01:09 PM
Posts: 7846
VIP Member

jon4 , I would like to say this . I am a so of someone that is dually diagnosed . you are doing the right things for yourself . It is okay to be selfish in doing so . At times the partner wants a quick fix with meds but in reality it will take a least a month Do not beat yourself up about if you were on the meds then this or that would not have happened . I would just give her some time to come around .

06/07/2009 01:18 PM
Posts: 6

Yeah, giving her time seems to be the consensus. It just is difficult because I do feel better NOW....and I feel she has no hope left in me that I'll get better and that she might justify seeing another guy because of that. If only she could see the way I deal with things now as opposed to say last week before the medication I know she'd have alot of hope that things will get ALOT better.

It bothers me, though, when she says "it could take a year to get better.....some people deal with this their whole lives." Yes, true.....we all will deal with this our whole lives but with the right medication no outside signs will show for most people. It's almost as if she again wants to justify her decision by telling herself I'll always be this way because of what she reads on the Internet (and we all know many of those things are over-emphasized....they make ALL bipolars out to be crazy people). She isn't a doctor, she shouldn't base this on what she reads online and not take into effect how I actually feel.

DVH....I do see it from her point of view. However, I personally also feel if you love someone.....and you threatened that person that you would leave if they did not seek out help.....and then I finally did and have actually showed signs of being better and eliminating most all disruptive behavior that caused any problem in the first would be more than happy to be back with that person, ESPECIALLY when a little baby is involved.

I know when women (and everyone) are stressed, they say things in reaction without actually letting things cool off to see how they feel. She has before said "I'm done for good" and then come back still. In other words, I know to take that with a grain of salt.

Post edited by: jon4, at: 06/07/2009 01:22 PM

07/05/2009 07:17 AM
BulletHeadPosts: 23

Is it possible to continue in a long term marriage with someone who refuses to participate in your support anymore? Someone who is insistent that you have a support system but refuses to be a part of it? Is it realistic to think that a relatioship like this will work?

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