What to do when a BP person is severely depressed

I am new to this forum, it seems a lot more active than one I was on before.

My story is that I have been married for 15 years, my husband is BP. I have been separated from him for 2 years, his behavior finally got too much to take. He has been on and off meds for many years, on meds for the last 7 years, but drinking heavily during most of that time. He has exhibited all the usual behavior, partying, reckless spending, reckless driving, infidelity, not pulling his weight, in and out of jobs, etc. etc. I ended up almost having a breakdown myself. Unfortunately, what I did was to have an affair. Although it didn't last, it got me out of the marriage. I am now in a good relationship with someone else, that is going well so far.

I have remained in my husband's life, since he has almost no-one else here (we are from overseas). Also, he is on my medical insurance. I have tried to remain friends with him, and I would say that we are good friends.

There is a lot of stuff I need help with, but right now my struggle is that he is in a deep depression. He has stopped drinking (to my knowledge) is on Lexapro and Risperdal. He won't go to therapy. It seems like the days he goes to work he feels better, but on his days off, he stays in bed until 3 or 4 in the afternoon and feels down again. Is there anything I can do to help? I don't know how to act when someone is in the depths of depression, and whether anything I do actually helps or makes it worse. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks all for listening.

If he's a reader get some books on how to cope with bi-polar disorder for him. We sometimes will get lost in reading but we gain knowledge...and with this disease, knowledge is power.

Thanks so much for the reply. I do try to keep constant contact with him, and see him when I can, just to get him out and about, a bit of exercise, or something to eat or whatever. Problem is that a lot of times I am at work when he is off, so it's tough. He is not a reader, one problem that I have had with him is his complete lack of interest in learning about his illness and how to control it.

Gloria!

Thank you for your reply. It's OK to be harsh, sometimes I need a good kick up the butt, as do we all from time to time. Thanks for the insight though, I just never know if I am doing the right thing or not, and have a tendency to try to caretake. It is possibly not appreciated nor wanted by him, but he won't tell me so.

Love

Gloria

The fact that he can get out of bed and make it to work is a good sign, what type of work does he do? maybe he is overly tired by the end of the work week, I know I would come home beat, and all I wanted to do was rest and relax, and my husband was one of those, ahh, you are home, let's go do this and go do that, and I am like you want to do those things? go on your own and leave me alone..lol.. as long as his medications are working fine, I would say leave him to his own devices..

Thank you so much for your replies, and thanks to Gloria too. So nice to be on a forum that is active

He has just changed jobs from one that was, I think, too much for him in his depressed state. 12 hour shifts and sitting in a tiny room with several other people. He has gone back to a job as a stocker at a Health Food Store. My hope is that it will help him, it is good, healthy atmosphere, the people who own it are Christians. He worked there previously and liked it, and has gone back to it because the other job wasn't all it was cracked up to be. The hours are regular.

It's on his days off that he has a problem, also, he is not exercising, I don't think he is eating that well either. Perhaps, he just doesn't have the energy to exercise, but he is, particularly when manic, an extreme sportsman (ultra-marathons, ultra cycle races etc. etc.). I do what I can to get him out for a walk or a meal when my schedule allows, but I also have a job and another relationship, plus my own health to think about. I don't know, perhaps I am doing all I can do, and I should just accept that, but he doesn't seem to be getting better, even on meds. During the work week his seems to be getting better, then on his time off he slumps back into depression.