Bipolar Support Group

I fell in with my husband for all the good things BP brings; Loving, romantic, giving, open, engergetic, fun and so much more.

Little did i know that those are not charming character attributes but called symtoms. We married fast, we bought a house fast. Everything needs to happen that second. Since I have been with him he's had 4 jobs (2 years). He has 3 good months at the new job and then the depression and an obsession for talking about it sets in. It always ends in a melt down depression and he quits. There is jelling, hitting the counter top, there is verbal anger towards me and not feeling sufficient enough.

I have been afraid for our safety in our car when he is driving, to feeling horrible and disappointed because of verbal abuse. He is not aware of it. I am always just supportive and never yell back.

But today, for the first time, I am thinking of leaving him. I feel terribly selfish for it. I just don't know if I can handle what my life would look like living with him. I want a family, but WILL NOT bring a child into this.

After 6 month of marriage, do I have the right to leave him? Is this who he is? Is this how it will be like, always?

Please share your experiences and thoughts! Thank you so much, Hugs, D

Has he been diagnosed BP? Does he have a shrink, take his meds, talk with a therapist? If the answer to any of these is no, you need to make sure he gets whatever he doesn't have.

Do you have the right to leave him? The real question is have you reached a point that is telling you , you are ready to do that? If you have, go. Never look back and never feel guilty about it. Yes this is who he is.....always will be, but he can, if he wants to, control the disorder and be as normal as he wants to be.

To solve your fear of being in a car while he is driving......don't do it any more. If he won't let you drive...don't go' Simple as that. And give him the true reason.

Lots of complicated issues to consider being a BP caretaker. Read some of the posts here & they may help you decide. Welcome to our group.

Gloria

Hi D,

It really depends on if he is willing to get help. That means a pdoc, and a therapist. If he is not willing to get help, then it will just get worse.

It is really your decision. If you aren't happy, than that isn't good. You need to take care of you. If you haven't read some of the threads by the spouses of bipolars, than I would suggest you do. There are success stories, and not so successful stories.

Hang in there.

Thank you Gypsy and Gloria!

He has been diagnosed with BP. His mother has been battling hers for years, takes meds and never remarried in 27 years.

My husband is seeding a therapist ever since i met him. He has several. He is obsessed with reading self help books about anything that can make him better in anything; career, cooking, mind...He never missed an appointment.

He has tried different meds. Last week, after his most serious down, his therapist put him on antidepressant and antianxiety meds. He always takes his med but he doesn't except his BP diagnosis.

He is really hurt at this time. We had long talks about the future about our marriage and knowing that i could leave made him very dis-stressed.

Do i have to be concerned about my safety?

Thank you for welcoming me! Huuug, D

In my opinion...yes be concerned for your well being. If he is actuallu getting physical...even with a counter top, anything could be next, anything or anybody, could be next. The car thing is a true and real DANGER!!!!! You must not rely on him not hitting something or speeeding the vehicle into a crash. When he is angry, he will be oblivious to danger, (mostly because we believe we are OK and quite invincible. He just sounds too out of control to be seeing someone and also taking his meds regularly. I think I would, on the down low, check these things out. Kinda be around at his med time. Give his therapist a call & make an appointment for you & him to talk.

Love

Gloria

We are going to see the Doc on Saturday, together. Thank you so much! Keep it coming! I will keep you updated. Good night!

Love, D

you got it...lol tomorrow is another day a brand new one too....

Love

Gloria

Hey D, and welcome to the group, I have to back the others up here, Glory is right, you do have to be concerned for your wellbeing, the kid who kicks the pet growing up, can go on to kick and kill other things, either the doctor doesn't have him on the right meds, or the meds just plain out working if he is actually taking them as he should..

I feel for you. I was in exactly the same situation. Married quick, didn't really get how bad it was. I didn't want to bring kids into the situation, like you, but I did since I REALLY wanted kids. In retrospect I think it was a mistake. I am expecting number 2 now and my eldest is a toddler. It is starting to affect him. My hubby sounds a lot like yours. I have thought of everything from leaving,killing and poisioning him. He refuses to take meds and everything is my fault. That's only when it's bad, but it's never good anymore.

He will not get better, but unfortunately,you will get used to it. You do well not to yell at him. I get scared too when my hubby drives angry, this saturday night he did it with our toddler screaming in the backseat, while he's yelling at us.

You will feel like you are screwed no matter what. This is a losing situation. I am now 7 months pregnant , with a 2 year old. What can I do? I would love to be free, but moreso, I would love to have him healthy.

We will probably never be able to help them unless they want to help themselves first. Good luck!

Neysa, no matter how much you love him, or the fact that you have a little one and another on the way, you do not and I mean do not have to put up with that behavior, that is the very reason there are women's shelters out there, for you to find a safe haven and get the help you need to take care of yourself and your babies, no woman now adays has to stay in a abusive relationship.

Him driving like a mad man, your child in the backseat probably terrified, do you think you are going to be safe in a situation like that? what about your child? subjecting them to that is just plain out wrong, your not going to be able to "fix" him, he isn't interested..

take care of yourself, and your babies..