Bipolar Support Group

I am just curious. From someone with BP?

I have dealt with depression. Once as a child. Second when ex-my wife cheated, and when I had undiagnosed Lyme...

i have bipolar2 and my hypomania manifests itself through irritability. I sometimes feel good when i'm hypomanic, but not often like most people. I usually get very anxious, feel panicked and want to leave the house immediately and do something and get frantic when i dont have something to do. Last year before i was diagnosed i often left the house and went to a bar, or went and smoked pot or something to calm down. ugh.

I also have bipolar II and my hypomanic symptoms vary. I get very energetic and nervous or anxious. My goal oriented behavior increases, so I'm able to work a lot or go to school and work a lot. I also tend to get more physically fit, because I work out more and to lose weight. I also wake up after a few hours of sleep. Eyes flying open at 2 or 3 AM, gasping for air, wondering how I'm going to do this or that sort of experience. Lastly, I talk a lot and fidget. I may also spend money that I don't have.

I have bipolar 1 and when I'm full blown manic, I feel extremely happy towards the beginning of an episode until I crash into extreme irritability and severe depression at the middle and end. I can also start to hear voices, become delusional and extremely paranoid.

With the exception of hallucinations and delusions, my hypomanic states used to follow the same pattern (and my moods would change much faster), but ever since my pdoc added Klonopin to my regimen to help control my rapid cycling, I no longer experience irritability or depression.

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 05/20/2009 06:02 PM

Everything is brighter, smells more potent, looks bigger or distorted, sounds better. The world takes on a brittle quality and my mind makes connections between topics with light speed. I find meaning in the smallest insignificance. Nothing seems real and I feel like I am dreaming. I can hear the birds, the sand, the ocean, the plants (even tea sometimes) whisper to me. I feel like I am getting closer to truth--to god. It can be sublime. I can feel a euphoria not describable in words, a high unattainable elsewhere. Everything takes on a new significance and I think everyone is smarter than they are--speaking in tongues and riddles with great and sacred meaning. Times passes strangely--usually very slowly. I get obsessed with time. My perceptions are very different and I feel I can read people's minds. I feel connected with the great beyond and I become obsessed with "the void." I see the world as a cosmic play, myself a puppet and puppet-master.

And then without warning, if my mania continues, the blood comes. I see blood on the walls and my mind races through elaborate labyrinths of suffering. I feel self-destructive and violent and scared. A high-pitched wail of agony rips through me. I am often paralyzed by the intensity. I pace, I throw things, I tear at my skin, I become convinced I am possessed. Every muscle literally BURNS--I am 100% and 0. Living hell. Then I usually oscillate between these two very active, but different, states.

Someone told me when manic, that I "roll" harder than anyone he has ever witnessed. Well most of the time I don't roll hard at all. I am usually very sensitive.

And I don't even think I have a particularly "severe" form of Bipolar I--who knows. That is how intense it is.

Post edited by: flux, at: 05/20/2009 11:15 PM

my manic states are always the light of my disorder i mean i am so happy in the first part and high on life then it never fails i always crash and thats when my life means nothing to me i am bipolar 1 and border line skitzo and i have it pretty bad i slip into someone else and i end up tying to hurt myself i have scares all over from cutting myself and i dont even know i am doing it then i start rapid cycles i go back and forth many times day

Skitz,

Your symptoms sound alot like mine. I also hear voices and rapid cycle. When I'm manic, I turn into a completely different person. According to my sister, it's as if I have DID.

flux,

What do you mean by the fact that you "roll hard?" I'm not familiar with that expression.

neon, Ha, my friend thinks he is a gansta! You know like "rollin' with the homies"! He just meant that I live life "hard." For example, I could wake up at 5 AM, work until 2PM, workout for a few hours, party hard until 3 AM and then do it all again. No one could keep up with me.

flux,

Now I understand what you mean. Thanks for the explanation!