Bipolar Support Group

I've been fairly stable for 2 years now. And I don't know if anyone else has felt this, but secretly, its kinda dull. I don't want to crash and burn again. But I was so use to ups and downs and dramatic thing happening that life seems pretty plain. But I guess that's just the way "normal" life is. What do you think?

I would just love to get stable. The highs are nice but followed by the lows are not worth it. No I will settle for stable with a little high to keep things lively.

I have never been stable so don't know how it feels but from what you describe I would like it, I am the boring person in my house.

omg i know the feeling. i am constantly creating chaos in my life when its not necessary, when it appears i should be stable and "normal." i dont know what it is, maybe deep down it seems boring, im not really sure, im not really a drama queen, because thats not really how it appears with me i dont think at least. but especially when i was in treatment, at outpatient programs especially, when docs and such would tell me i was improving and doing great, i started to absolutely freak out and regress back to older behaviors. i have a primary diagnosis of borderline personality and for me the bipolar is really secondary, so im sure that plays a huge role. i dont know if this is exactly what you meant...

When someone reaches the point of being stable for a noticeable length of time, it can feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable. This is exactly how I felt during the first 2-3 days I enjoyed some degree of stability. (i.e. what "normal" means for me) I also began to miss my mania because I loved how wonderful it made me feel and didn't like the "flat" emotions I experienced following an episode. I now feel differently about my mania. The euphoria isn't worth the inevitable crash into extreme irritability and severe depression. As far as being stable is concerned, that feeling will become more familiar to you the longer (or more often) you experience it.

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 05/15/2009 12:45 PM

Feh. Normal.

Last week I watched the local Viet Vet ("agent orange" the old ladies whisper behind shielding hands) dance by in a pink tutu and nothing, I mean no nether support, else. He was swinging a scabbard at enemies only he could see. Maybe he's normal. He sure looked happier than I felt at the time.

It's the definition of normal that stumps me. Acceptable by the local standards? National standards? Pay the bills and don't make waves? Keep a job forever and don't get fired because you're wearing a tutu?

I dunno. I don't think I feel normal today. Drucilla

i remember when my life was filled with drama. it was always negative drama. i was crying and the rest of the world was trying to pick me up from my latest fall; the worst disaster than the last one. i was so exhausted and i didn't even know it. now i hate when i have a period where i have a mixed state for a short period of time or when i'm feeling down. i don't want that kind of focus on me. it's like i want to be well and i want to convince the people in my life that nothing ever goes wrong and i'm always perfectly stable. for me, i'll take this. being on meds has made it so episodes are less pronounced and are the exceptions rather than the norm. i would never go back to the way it was. the highs were never worth it for me because they just eventually flopped so hard.

I'll never go off of my meds because I've already made that mistake once. I was manic and stopped taking my meds for a week because I didn't think I needed them. Before I knew it, my voices, delusions and paranoia returned in full force. Ever since that experience, I've been 100% med-compliant. I also take my meds faithfully because of the fear I have every time I think back to the first manic/psychotic episode I had in 2006. It was the most frightening experience of my life and I never want to go through anything like that again.

Post edited by: neondreams, at: 05/15/2009 01:05 PM

Drucilla,

I have a refrigerator magnet which says "Normal is a setting on a washing machine." I don't think I could have said it better myself.

Its true that the highs I had were never that great for long. And more often, I was in a mixed state, which is absolutely NO FUN. And the lows were the longest and most devastating. So I guess boring is o.k.. I've just got to look at outside events rather than inner for entertainment