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05/04/2009 07:27 AM

hyper-religious when manic?

Volante
Volante  
Posts: 925
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I've read a lot of posts here, been in mental wards and read a lot of books and I have seen that some people become hyper-religious when unmedicated and in a psychotic mania. I am bipolar 1 with psychotic features and I have been hyper-religious, thinking I worked for God when I was unmedicated. I wanted to know two things; Is this a common symptom of Bipolar 1 and I also wanted to know your theories as to why this happens to mentally ill people.

Since I've been on a medication regiment I have realized that strong spiritual beliefs can lead to some type of insanity because we desperately want to connect with a higher source(God). I would appreciate all your feed back and thoughts regarding hyper-religuous beliefs.

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05/04/2009 07:43 AM
neondreams
neondreams  
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I've heard that it is common for people with BPI to think they they are Jesus Christ when manic, but that has never happened to me. The closest I came to having grandiose delusions was when I was hospitalized 3 years ago for my first manic/psychotic episode in which I thought I was part of an experiment that was being conducted by the attending pdoc and psychologist. I also thought everyone was admiring me for my excellent daily living skills (I'm totally deaf and blind) and that I brought high ratings to the programs of famous radio DJs whose voices I heard in my head. As far as religion and people with mental illness are concerned, I don't know if we are more prone to connecting with God or not. After I started hearing voices in 1991, I constantly prayed to God in the hopes of Him "curing" me of my auditory hallucinations, but no matter how hard I prayed, nothing helped. I still hear voices to this day.

05/04/2009 07:59 AM
tw12357
tw12357Posts: 277
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I've become attached to "religious" notions that weren't real when manic. But I do believe that faith has also gotton me through when I couldn't have done it on my own. The first time I was hospitalized I was basically crazy, but started thinking about world religions - buddhism, islam, then hinduism, then christianity. I imagined buddhism as a bunch of waves going off and never ending. Islam was a sharp line. Then hinduism came around and I saw it as a mobius strip that went around and came back to one's self saying "I am God". I thought to myself, "I'm not God". Then I went to Christianity, and remembered thinking of it as "Love on all 4 sides" - whatever that means. I got down on my knees and prayed for Jesus to forgive my sins. My hallucinations and delusions went away, and I was able to leave the hospital.

So that's just (a part) of my story, anyways.


05/04/2009 08:23 AM
Volante
Volante  
Posts: 925
Member

That is very interesting tw12357 but I do not quite understand your world religion concepts.

When it came to your prayer to forgive you of your sins, it sounds like you feel that you were being punished because of your sins and your prayer was what solved your hallucinations and delusions. I am not opposing prayer nor the power of it but I do question the notion that we are being punish by having bipolar disorder. As I educate myself further on BP and see the patterns it seems that sometimes when we are suffering so greatly that we are looking for a quick fix from a higher source. It takes us so long to get stable that I feel some of us will do just about anything to be healed.


05/04/2009 08:27 AM
neondreams
neondreams  
Posts: 7297
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I don't think God has punished me by giving me bipolar. I think my bipolar is strictly due to the 4 kinds of trauma I experienced from age 7-18. If anything, I look at bipolar as yet another challenge God has put before me. On another note, I lost my hearing in 1995. When that happened, I felt as if a part of me had died. I was unable to hear speech or music for 10 years until I received cochlear implants. If I was able to live through that, I can survive bipolar.

05/04/2009 08:29 AM
tw12357
tw12357Posts: 277
Member

No, it was not that I felt I was being punished. It was that I felt out of control and Jesus seemed like the most real person I could hold on to. He got me through many times of trouble in my life then, and thereafter.

As for sin, I had been sinning and hurting many men in my life. It was, again, not that I was being punished, but that I felt a huge weight of guilt being relieved from me when I prayed.

About the delusions, I could explain what I was thinking more, but the problem is, I Was delusional. So I'm going to avoid that. I'm not sure why I shared it, except that it was what was going through my head.


05/04/2009 08:31 AM
tw12357
tw12357Posts: 277
Member

neondreams,

I admire your attitude, and the way you've gotton through so many trials in your life. You have strong character because of them, and you can surely get through bipolar as well.

Be encouraged Smile


05/04/2009 08:31 AM
neondreams
neondreams  
Posts: 7297
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I also wanted to add that I saw my mother struggle with pancreatic cancer. If I were given the choice between a terminal illness and bipolar, I'd pick bipolar, but that's just me.

I also feel like I can accept my bipolar given the fact that I lived through 4 different traumas (one of them involved my life being threatened by a stranger at age 9). If I could do that, I can certainly deal with bipolar.


05/04/2009 08:33 AM
neondreams
neondreams  
Posts: 7297
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Thanks tw! Smile

On good days, I feel like the negative experiences I've had in my life have made me stronger and better able to accept my bipolar. On bad days I don't, but that's to be expected.


05/04/2009 10:20 AM
forever
forever  
Posts: 189
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When I became manic then delusional I did feel connected to God, but then again, I felt connected to everything around me. I never thought I was God or Jesus but I did believe that I could speak with them freely, as if they were my best friends. I suppose many might say this is a good thing but the reason it was not a good thing, is because I expected them to go along with whatever plan I believed they had for me. When I believed I had done everything I was suppose to do and the outcome was still tragic. I became very confused, which made me incredibly angry. Things definitely took a nosedive after that. After being hospitalized and diagnosed I did start to wonder about the hyper-religious elements of my delusions but at least for me I don't believe that I was enlightened, it is not as if I didn't believe to begin with, but like everything else it became bigger than life.

When I think back about that time, it seems to me that I was trying to make a deal with God. Something we all tend to do when facing something scary. It is just with mania everything is exaggerated, bigger than life; I often refer to it as my personality on steroids. So for me it was just another symptom. However it did shake my faith in a huge way. Well let's just say, that stories of the bible are little harder to believe once you have been religiously delusional especially if you believed that you could speak directly with God. As far as it being common, from what I have read it is extremely common in people who suffer psychosis but I can really only speak for myself I am diagnosed with BP1 with psychotic features and definitely suffered from hyper religious delusions.

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