Bipolar Support Group

I think I am at my end of tolerating this behavior as he is not getting any help. My parents, of 80years , myself and my son planted some flowers in the back yard..We spent a day doing this and enjoying it. My folks just kept talking about how nice it would look..

WELL I came home from work this past saturday and my husband pulled it all out saying my father was taking over the house and yard and that the plants were high maintainance so had to be removed. He has become so angry and hateful that my folks avoid him. And he wonders WHY???? He has not spoken to me since saturday, he sleeps all day and then disappears at nighttime.

I do not think he called any of the mental health groups so he is not getting any help. He does not see how abusive he is and he does not see that his own behaviors cause people to avoid him. So he says everyone hates him and we are sneaking around and talking about him.

I think we need to part so I can stop being so depressed.I know this sounds stupid but HE Can force me to sell our house and I do not want to move away from my job and move my parents again. But I know I should not stay with him just for that as this is so sad of a way to live.

I am not typing for solutions, just typing to see my thoughts. I am ashamed that I could love a person that is so hateful, and does not want to help himself. How much can I stay and support him if he does not want to get help.

I cannot force him to get help , he needs medication. He needs counseling.Instead he signs up for karate! I need counseling .

I live in a horror story. I want out and I am trying to figure out how to get out. I confess I am lonely too and so I hang on the to part of him that comes out and is tolerable, but the part that is paranoid and hateful has been coming out more often.

I feel hopeless and helpless.

Bipolar does not have to be an end if he would just get help.Right?

not much advise to give. if you feel like you cannot make it work then go, if you were willing to give it anohter chance talk to his instructor with karate. maybe he can point out some things to you husband. he sounds like he is manic and you are not going to sell him on the idea that he needss help right now. but his instructor may be able to convince him to get help.

i agree, he is being manic and trying to get him to seek help on his hown is out of the question, most likely. someone else needs to say something because unfortunately hes probably not wanting to listen to you right now. and yep if you cannot take it anymore you should go. nothing wrong with leaving and you're gonna feel lonely but in the long run it sounds like you'll be happier.

Bless your heart, I can imagine that the stress is about to kill you. You've talked about his explosions and rages - does it ever get physical?

I know you must feel trapped in the relationship because of your son and parents but look at it another way -- is this what THEY deserve? It sounds like your husband is running four people's lives with his refusal to seek help and that hardly sounds fair to anyone.

I'm the bipolar one in the family and my husband and I have something of an agreement -- he's forgiven me for my previous bad behavior and I promise to continue helping MYSELF by going to therapy and, most importantly, to my psychiatrist and staying on my medicine.

I think, from what you're saying, that your husband is having a bad reaction to the Lexapro -- I did, too. It's not that Lexapro is bad it's that if he's not ALSO on a mood stablizer, the antidepressant can send him into severe mania. It did me and I've heard other people on the site express the same thing.

Why don't you see if you can talk to him about the fact that he's possibly having a bad drug reaction? That way it isn't "his fault" and maybe he won't see you as trying to control him. Does he admit to being bipolar?

I think you need to do whatever is right for you. It's obvious that you have waited as long as you can wait. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they get help. If you leaving him doesn't convince him that he's hit rock bottom nothing will. Good luck in whatever decision you make and I hope you can find some happiness and peace.

I can understand not wanting to move your family around again. But as hateful & paranoid as he is being I could see how you'd want to leave. Until he gets stable on meds and counseling he may be impossible to live with. You could explain that if he is not going to get help, then you have no choice but to throw him out. He has to see the error of his ways, first. I don't think he can see how he truly is acting towards you. You have to think of your parents too. They don't deserve someone being hateful to them. Maybe you could suggest that you will go to counseling with him. If you stay you should definitely see a counselor, to learn how to deal with someone who is being so detrimental to your relationship. If he doesn't believe there is a problem with him, there is not much you can do but break it off. For the sanity of you and your elderly parents you need to let him go. If and only take him back when he gets stable and proves to you he will work on himself, and gains your trust back. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Best Wishes.

Wifeinneed:

I'm so sorry to hear how bad things are for you right now. Until he gets help, is diagnosed properly, accepts his diagnosis, and is medication compliant, I don't think things will get much better for very long. If there is a way that you can take your son and stay with your parents for awhile, maybe that will give you some relief. Counseling will also help, especially if you find someone that specializes in working with people diagnosed with BP. They are out there and they can help you and your son understand and cope much, much better. Believe me - I was right where you were not so long ago. Swinging with your husband up or down is not good for your or healthy for your son. Take some time away. Get some perspective from a distance. Think about yourself and your son for awhile and let your husband worry about himself. Only he can decide when he is ready to do what it takes to get well and stay well. All the tears in the world will not help him see it. Your suffering, your child's suffering, will not help him either. He needs to get to the place where he realizes that he is sick and needs help. For my husband, it meant nearly losing everything. Be strong. Remember during this time prayers can go a long way.

I should also mention that right now you don't want to hear any of this and likely will not listen to any advice that you have been given. That is okay too. You have to come to your own realization and acceptance of what bipolar disorder is, what it isn't and what it can do to people that suffer from it. I did the same thing. Read about it - all you can. It will help too. Just take care of you and your child above all else.

Post edited by: buhlir926, at: 05/01/2009 09:13 PM

thank you all for your replies, makes me feel less isolated. If I could leave the house I would but my son and parents are all in the same house as my husband. Just to make matters a bit worse, this is my son from my first marriage as I was a widow. So hubby is not to fond of my children anyway.

I would much rather he leave but he is resistant. He says why should he leave his own house. And really it is my house, he just married into it. In May my son will take a summer course at school and be in summer housing so he will be away from this insanity. Sadly when I am at work my parents keep their distance from my husband by hiding in their room or going to the food store. Right now we have not spoken for a week, which is fine with me. I know it is not a solution but I am psychologically tired. I do not want to have any encounters with him as they are useless and he tries to degrade me. He accuses me of trying to control him and manipulate him. He is not ready to get help, someone has put in his head that taking medication makes him weak. Well, I must go to start my day and hope that when I come home things did not explode.

You are all the best. Bless you all.

wifeinneed:

My husband had some friends that liked to encourage him not to take his meds also. They told him that I wanted him to take them so that I could control him. They also told him that his bipolar was a "mild case" that could be managed without medication. These people only liked him when he was hypomanic, the life of the party. He spent money like it was going out of style, could party like nobody else, was fearless, impulsive, up for anything and everything, and oh yeah hypersexual as well (did I mention one of these friends was a woman he got involved with?). I think some of the people that men like your husband and mine get involved with as friends aren't really friends because if they were, they would see the damage that not taking meds is doing to their lives.

I know what it is like to be that tired physically and mentally. You are in a tough spot. Let me ask you: can you afford to stay in your home with just your parents? Is your husband's name on the house? If you are in the place where I was, being on your own is better than dealing with what your are dealing with. My prayers are with you. Stay tough. Maybe he will just decide to leave.

Post edited by: buhlir926, at: 05/02/2009 05:44 PM

Well we have not spoken in a week. He left today to spend time with his sister. I felt a bit sad when he left but also relief. Strange to feel both at once.I could handle staying in the house if he left as I would cut out lots of bills he has added to our budget. His name is on the house and I feel that he will want to have me sell it just to cause me stress. Not a good reason to stay in this relationship.

are you still with your husband? did he start to take his medications?