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kateholland78
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Lately, like in the last couple of years, I have had the strangest sensation. Like nothing is real. My friends, my son, the things I see, even myself at times. It's impossible to explain, it's just something you have to have felt to understand. Has that happened to any of you? My pdoc says it's a normal part of mental illness and that it's called 'de-realization'. Just wondering... In learning to know other things, and other minds, we become more intimately acquainted with ourselves, and are to ourselves better worth knowing.
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norma1
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 i've got the same thing myself. As long as i can remember, i didn't know til you brought it up.i don't know any other way to be so don't know if this is weird or not. I guess it is just a part of me. I enjoy each precious day. |
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kateholland78
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Isn't it weird, Norma? Like I'll be sitting there, driving, and all the sudden, it's like - BAM - nothing's real. But it only lasts for a couple of seconds, and then everything is back to normal. It's really bad when I watch movies or TV. Only the kicker there is that IT'S NOT REAL, it's TV. So what's the problem? But it's like I can't enjoy the program because I just have this weird sense that it's not real. I can't explain it very well... Glad to know someone else out there has felt it, too. Glad to know I'm not a freak - well, not regarding this, anyway! LOL In learning to know other things, and other minds, we become more intimately acquainted with ourselves, and are to ourselves better worth knowing.
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norma
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you are not a freak, Kate. I look in the mirror and look myself in the eye and feel like it is a stranger there. I have to tell myself it is me. Weird. I'll tell you a story. My son is bp also. He went to lunch one day and hadn't been on his meds for a while. He had been doing great. Well, he comes back from lunch and says "I saw some elephants down by the boat launce on my way back from lunch." Really freaked me out. I thought here we go psychotic again. Now, we handle psychosis in our family, pretty well since we have all been there and it really isn't that bad. So, he went back to work and I went back to work. A little while later another employee comes in and says "I saw a herd of elephants on my way back from lunch" Now, I figure we got real problems, group halucinations, I now have developed a knack for hiring people who see things. Turns out there REALLY were elephants there, the circus kept them there in the winter months. I saw them myself. MORAL OF THE STORY trust your senses, and ask someone else if they see the same thing. I think what you are experiencing is ok. Isn't it nice to have someone say you are ok. And Kate, listen to me, you are ok. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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kateholland78
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I just love ya, Norma!! (((((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))))))) In learning to know other things, and other minds, we become more intimately acquainted with ourselves, and are to ourselves better worth knowing.
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chattycathy
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I have been feeling this for the last 4 months! And, I'm not even BP. I have it as part of my psychological response to Complex PTSD. It just feels like I'm "living in a dream" - like a character the "Twilight Zone". I can't believe that what's happened has actually happened. I don't know what is real from what is not. I don't "get" reality any more. I no longer trust my own perceptions of the outside world. I only feel safe in my bed, where I've been for almost 4 months now. Once a month I clean myself up and run a few errands and buy enough food to last a long time. By the time I arrive home, I am shaking. This is the fourth time this has happened to me in my life. The first time was when I was 10. It eventually went away and I didn't have it again until I was 38, then again at 45 and then, now at 52. It only happens when I go into extreme psychological shock and disbelief at something extremely traumatic that has happened in my life. Usually involving a situation where I trust someone and they do something so shocking and out of character that I get thrown into another dimension. Imagine how poor Lacey Peterson must have felt right before she realized that her husband whom she trusted and was having a baby with, was about to kill her. The difference is, I felt that feeling and am still alive to deal with the extreme disbelief and psychological consequences. When it first starts, I think I'm gonna be OK, and then it BUILDS and BUILDS and BUILDS until I can't even go out into my back yard without having a reaction. Shrinks don't help, meds don't help (and I've been to the top psychopharmacologist in my area, among others) - NOTHING helps, except time. I know that eventually, it will "lift" - it always has in the past. I just can't believe that, in spite of all of my self-protective avoidance of causal situations, this has happened to me again. It makes me feel better that I'm not alone in this feeling. I never knew anyone ever felt this way until I read something on this web board about it a few weeks ago and then looked it up on Google. I never knew that it had a name. My friends never understand what I am talking about. I'm so glad that you folks do. Post edited by: chattycathy, at: 02/20/2008 03:20 |
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forever
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I too have suffered from de-realization. I didn't actually become aware that this was happening until once it was so severe I couldn't even remember what state I lived in. It lasted for hours; I sat in my car not knowing what to do I couldn't remember where I lived or my phone number. I felt so detached from my body it was like being in a zone or trance. Really I have experienced this through out my whole life but it was mild and it never concerned me the way it did when it was so bad. When I was younger my family members would often tell me to quit daydreaming but I wasn’t I was just detached. I suffer from BP1 and anxiety disorder. My p-doc attributes it to the anxiety disorder rather than a bipolar symptom. I think he could be right. It happens to me frequently when I am under stress. When I am not stressed it doesn’t happen at all. Just wanted you to know that you not alone. I can’t think that it has ever affected my life in any significant way except that one time. PS: I am new here so would like to say hello to everyone. 
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chattycathy
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It's definitely an anxiety response. When I was 10, I remember that I kept saying "I feel like I'm living in a dream!", but no one understood what I was talking about. Even now, 42 years later, my life doesn't feel "real" at the moment. Back when I was 10, I felt like I was living in an "alternate reality" and I feel the same say now. I don't feel "detached" from my body or in a trance, though. And, I've never forgotten my phone number or address. I just don't know if my perceptions of the world are real or imaginary. I don't know what to believe. |
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forever
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Cathy, when I was younger anxiety manifested more like your description. I can remember distinct periods of time where I was not sure something had happened or if I just dreamed it happened. I explained it away as dreams since I didn't know any other way to think about it. But now I think it was my way of trying to explain to myself what was happening. Maybe it was dreaming but it was dreaming about conversations while awake that seemed so real that it affected my perception of reality. My p-doc told me this was De realization as opposed to Depersonalization though he said they are often used interchangeably. I think that I have had both. Rrrr I may have these backwards so here is a site that explains the difference. http://www.panic-anxiety.com/depersonalization-
derealization/
Post edited by: forever, at: 02/20/2008 09:30 Post edited by: forever, at: 02/20/2008 09:34 |
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norma
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Hey, y'all, i have experienced similar things. I have been bipolar as long as I can remember. Talked about it with my therapist. Turns out I just have a vivid imagination. Now, not when I have manic episodes, which is something else, but, just that my mind uses its imagination to process information. Like working out things in my head. "In the time of your life, live-so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but, shall smile to the infinite variety and mystery of it." William Saroyan
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