Never Good Enough

"I am never right. I have no opinion of any worth. I just can't seem to get anything right. I am never right. Whatever I do, it's just not good enough."

Sound familiar? Sometimes I think I just don't matter in my own house. If I can not be allowed to voice my opinion and at least get an uh huh, then what? Sometimes it just feels like I have to feel guilty and/or give in to my spouse for anyone to be remotely happy.

I felt like that before, I got diagnosed. I would go into a depression and hide out and feel like a failure. I felt like giving up. After, I got help, my self esteem dropped. My boyfriend would blame every issue, I had on my illness. I felt like, I wasn't include in my family. I blamed him for shutting me out. I had pushed everyone away.

Going to therapy really helped to figure out what was my bipolar, and what was my own feelings. I learned that my feelings, and opinions were valid. I finally started sticking up for myself. I am a person with a disorder. I am still a good mom, a good person, and I don't need someone elses approval to be okay. Just because, I have bipolar doesn't mean, I am incapable.

Could this dialogue you describe be disorder generated.

When I am not feeling well i have found that i start to have a negative dialogue. Learning how to combat this dialogue has helped me. When i have feelings of worthlessnes I try to think of the good things I do, all the small successes I have during the day.

Also, I try not to take myself too seriously, you know by having a sense of humor about me. Yep, I am goofy at times, and make mistakes but, i just keep in there stumbling, and falling, getting back up, and keep on, keeping on.

I am sorry you are being made to feel that your opinions don't count and being made to feel that you have nothing of value or substance to offer. Know that this is so untrue!

Everybody has feelings and everybody has the right to have those feelings validated. Disorder or no disorder our feelings are very real to us and we are entitled to our feelings and opinions and as such others have no right to minimize or discount our feelings or opinions! I used to hear quite often after I would express the way I was feeling "Oh - don't be rediculous" or "Thats stupid" etc... I got so sick and tired of being told those things that one day I finally got up in 'grump's' face and said, "Who the hell do you think you are to deny me my feelings! They are mine and are very real - just as the way you feel is real to you!" You know what? It worked - I had to say it a few more times but he finally got the picture!

If pointing it out to them does not change things - trying giving them a spoonful of their own medicine

You deserve to be treated with respect and to have your feelings, thoughts, and opinions validated!!!

Hugs,

Lustrious