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04/21/2009 09:13 AM

Can anyone help me understand my BP boyfriend?

camy92Posts: 8

My boyfrind was recently diognost with BP. It seems to me like he is pushing me away, and yet he still says its my fault i'm not there for him. At what point can you tell the diffrent between the BP actions and the person beyond that? By the way, i understand that it takes a while for the medicine to kick in, but how do i know that things are going to change? The lying, yelling, head/blame games.. he uses his BP as an excuss, but is it really a ligit excuss?

04/21/2009 09:20 AM
Posts: 37

Hi Camy! I am in the same situation. My hubby was recently dxed w. BP II. He says he can't help his actions when he gets that way and i believe him. From what i know about it it is a very unpredictable disease. I know with my hubby something that doesn't bother him one day can send him into rage the next. If you don't mind me asking, what meds is your BF on? A good book i recommend is "Loving Someone with Bipolar". i just started it and it is really helping. Feel free to PM me since I am in the same situation and can relate to how you feel during all this.. Smile

04/21/2009 10:40 PM
Posts: 257

My husband was diagnosed BPII in August of 2007. He has taken his sons and I on a wild roller coaster ride for almost two years now. We have been married more 15 years and were together for 7 years before that. In August we called off the divorce that he filed for a day after our 15th anniversary . He is stable now, or as stable as someone with rapid cycling BP that has mixed episodes can be.

Please be very careful ladies. Be hopeful, but remember that things are not always as they appear especially if they have recently been diagnosed. I thought the diagnosis was my savior - now his condition has a name. I figured he could just take a pill and be well again. What I found out is that it isn't that simple. Bipolar disorder is like an onion - there are layers and layers of things there. Even with the meds it takes a long time to find the right combo. When the meds work it is great. The trouble is that many people decide not to take them. Like my husband for example. He thought he had "a slight case" and didn't need meds. I didn't know much, but I knew enough to know that wasn't right.

Camy92 it just isn't as simple as you want it to be. You can't fix him and you can't force him to get well. What is it that you think will change? I was you two years ago and it was hell. I always loved him just as I do now, but I was prepared to turn and walk away from him if I needed to. His illness was starting to take its toll on all of us. I suggest that you decide how much it is that you are willing to deal with and for how long.

My husband admitted he was bipolar but didn't really accept it. When he would get hypomanic or depressed or in a mixed episode, his mind played tricks on him. That is what his doctor told him. The way he saw things during those times was different than the way they really were. He was seeing a distorted reality. He lied, he hid things, he did very, very bad things. He did them all without caring at all that he was hurting those that loved him the most in the world: his sons and his wife. He didn't know why he felt the way he did or why he needed to do what he did. He just did it. That was what was hard for him to accept. When he finally got to the place where he could see how sick he was it was almost too late. He literally didn't even know who he was anymore.

We seem to have found the right combo of meds but it is different for everyone. It is literally hit or miss. He takes Lamictal, Wellbutrin, and Abilify ( a very low dose). Just because he has been given meds doesn't mean it is a magic bullet and everything will be great in a matter of days, weeks or months. Meds can do wonders when the are right and taken consistently but that itself is a challenge. My husband still misses hypomania - A LOT!

I hope this helps a little. I read "An Unquiet Mind" which helped me understand a little bit of what it is like to be bipolar. I think the understanding part is critical and so does my husband.


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