Bipolar Support Group

Dont know if this is the right spot to post (Im a N00. Im 10 min new to this site so direct me in the right direction if im wrong... Anywho Im in the position with my bipolar that I hate it so much because it literally destroys all of my relationships and friendships on a daily basis. Yet I dont want meds to attempt to get better. I go to therapy and group but I feel really sad getting help. Who am I if Im not bipolar? I lost my own identity to this disease and im a walking fucking contradiction. I have like 1000 thoughts in my mind right now but Ill stick to what I was saying lol. Anyway my point was before I went off on that St. O'lifs story that I dont want to get better because I will miss it. I will be bored and I will miss all the chaos I create and this is the only way I really feel like me because its all Ive ever known. Im on a good one today if you cant tell. Totally a "manic" day for me. Any comments?

hello rakegirl, welcome to the group. ive lost many freinds and relationships because of my bipolar, and its not a good feeling. im here to talk if u need someone

First of all, welcome RakeGirl. Glad you have joined us. People here know what it is to be bipolar and understand the contradictions that you have described. I fought taking meds for a long time because I didn't like the way they made me feel. I felt that part of me was taken away. I loved the hypomania, for a short while, until it would screw up my relationships and lead to anger/rage. I thought I was more creative when I was depressed. Either way, medications affected that I was torn between wanting a life that was not out of control, relationships in which I did not beat up emotionally those I care about, and no more suicidal depressions, and the intensity of bipolar disorder. But over time, I have found that psychiatric care and meds have helped me and I don't want to go back to the life I had before. But I got to tell you, I did go kicking and screaming, so I do understand.

Post edited by: uppitywoman, at: 04/17/2009 19:33

Thank you. I didnt even know there were support groups online until I came across this one while browsing. It will make things a bit easier if I have more people to talk to about this and actually understand what Im going through.

i was a complete mess, very angry and hateful before i found this site. but the people that i have talked to on here have helped me alot and have made me a better person. things will get better rakegirl

There will be other posts here. It just takes a little while for folks to scroll through and see. This is a great place to make friends and find the support you need. We all share bipolar and are here to help one another. You might want to share a little about yourself in the Introductions forum. Also feel free to enter any ongoing discussions.

Post edited by: uppitywoman, at: 04/17/2009 19:19

yep. and if u feel comfortable, your diary is a good way to open up and get comments and support from members

Hello RakeGirl,

Bipolar disorder, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways! I so relate to your anger and frustration with what seems like a mess! I've stumbled and messed up relationships, too. It seems to have gone with my territory.

As stubborn as I am, I guess it was necessary for me to go through the junk that I did. I've been like a bull in the china shop. On more than one occasion I said the hell with medications, I wanted to find out if I was still the real me inside the pill fog. It would be great if someone could tell you about mistakes they made (and we do), but you need to experiment on your own.

Maybe it is too soon to say welcome to the club. You also may have to go through your own stages of acceptance and they may take some denial, it had to happen in me. My introduction to bipolar disorder started with a mistake, a suicide attempt. It happened when I was in my 20's and I'm 63 now.

Heck, you are young (everybody seems young when you get this old LOL) and you have some stuff to work through. It could be this site will be helpful, and it could be you'll get more out of your support group and therapy.

My theme song seems to be, "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now..." Enjoy life and stay well.

Post edited by: scooby, at: 04/17/2009 19:41