Bipolar Support Group

It went something like this:

Haven't been shopping by myself in many, many moons. Decided to pick up a few things at WalMart so my husband gave me some cash and drove me to the store. He went to walk the dog around the parking lot because I talked him out of the park - it was too far away and I was already nervous. So I'm doing fine, I think, when I begin to panic that I'm not going to have enough money.

Maybe I'm the only one in the world who can't do a running total in my head but I was suddenly paralyzed by the absolute certainty that if I went any further, bought anything else, that I was going to go over the amount I had in my purse. I call my husband in the middle of the freaking isle, "I froze up."

He thinks I'm literally frozen in place and incapable of moving which I thought was cute but he forgets that I'm not always QUITE as literal as he is. He wasn't far off, though. He asked if I wanted him to come in and I say that I just want to make absolutely certain he is RIGHT THERE at the door when I head out but that I can manage the checkout by myself.

Manage the checkout by myself? I have clearly completely lost my mind. MANAGE THE CHECKOUT BY MYSELF? I am 40 freaking years old.

I made it out by my stomach was in knots and I felt hot and flushed. I was miserable and the damn trip was a failure. My poor husband couldn't understand how math could have caused such an uproar but it wasn't just that...

I don't know what it was. First time in a big store by myself in a while? Anxiety about being out of the house anywhere? Hating using cash instead of a card for the "just in case" scenarios? All of the above? Or just the irrational panic that strikes us sometimes? I don't know but I don't like it and I'm taking a calculator to the damn store next time. Math demons - foiled again!

I have the same problem, so what I do to eliminate my anxiety about not having enough money is by writing a list of the things I need, not deviating from that list and bringing extra money and/or a debit card to make sure I'm not short of funds when I check out.

This will let you know where I am emotionally about this... I almost cried because someone responded to this msg and understood. My husband is so sweet and tries so hard but he is so strong and stable in most ways that he just has no frame of reference. Thank you, neon.

I'm glad I could help -- and I do understand exactly what you are going through. Hugs!

I understand too. I haven't been there in a while but I've been there. Where I couldn't even walk into the danged Walmart let alone figure out how much I had to spend and what I had to get. I HAVE to have a list. I can not go to the store without it. I would go in and never come out if I didn't have a list. And forget about the math. I either get it way over or way under. You're definitely not alone here.

I also understand. My daughter gets like that when we go out. She will be having a good time out shopping and then begins to think and worry and she too becomes "frozen". She will look at me with pleading eyes like "Mommy, get me out of here." I can't tell you how many times I have left a half full shopping cart in the middle of a store. It happens....I try my best to be understanding.

I hate going to Walmart. One of my sons has panic attacks if he goes in there, he's Bipolar. I have to take a clonodine before I go and I definitely take a debit if I go over which I always do.

You guys rock... and what is it with WalMart? lol I've talked to my husband about how I felt and the strategies you guys use and we agreed that taking a debit/credit card next time is a good idea just to give me peace of mind about that part of it.

I'm going back tomorrow so we'll see how it goes.

Off I go... into the breach!!!

Good luck. Hope it goes well this time.

Kudos for going back again. That is a good way to lose some of the fear. It is good that you were able to talk to your husband about the situation. He sounds like a good guy.