Bipolar Support Group

well, i'm back from vacation and i feel like i'm having a nervous breakdown. i saved for so long for that vacation and parts of it were so great. other parts were bad-like the fact that my boyfriends 24 year old daughter hates kids and i have two of them. when i got back, there's a pile of bills, my children's bad report cards and shit from work all waiting for me. it just feels like i can't do anything right enough. no matter how much i stand over my kids and make them do their homework, they're getting worse grades every term. i don't get it. i try so hard with my work and it's not going well. i try so hard with my boyfriend and it still seems like we've lost something we had that was really special and it's never coming back and i don't understand why. it all feels really confusing to me right now and i feel like a huge failure.

i know this is whiny when i just came back from vacation, but i've been crying all morning and i can't help it. i just really need someone to tell me it's ok...

I don't have kids or the problems you have, but I have had times when I've felt overwelmed. I'd like to encourage you that you'll get through it. Try going a moment at a time without looking at all you have going on at once. Kids have there difficult times, but that doesn't mean its all going down. Me and my sisters and brother had our bad times with our parents and they probably all seemed like they were happening at once. But now we're all doing fairly well and we grew out of it.

Take care.

First off Zinnia, congratulations on actually returning from Mexico since a lot of tourists are not. (didn't want to say anything BEFORE you went lol and ruin it.) Second, vacations are great until they're over - and you come back to the piles. I HATE that. It makes me regret even going on vacation in the first place. Like what was the point, it's hardly worth it when there is 10 times the work when you come back. I wouldn't worry about your boyfriends daughter, she's grown. Be grateful you don't have to live with her. As a mother, all you can do is keep trying with your kids and their homework. Even though they are your kids, they are still individuals. Sometimes, failing a grade, wakes them up a little and motivates them. Usually, if they really need extra help in school, the school assigns them some kind of resource. Maybe you could call their teachers and see what they think.

As for your boyfriend, there is a transition period between euphoric infatuation love and a more mature relationship that happens to all relationships. It becomes less teenageish and more like a real relationship with problems and differences. Reality sets in. It shouldn't be too much cause for alarm. If he isn't acting right, ignore him until he does. lol. Whew....I think I hit on everything. Oh....and it will be ok too.

thank you. bejeweled, just seeing your name there makes me feel a little better. the thing that pisses me off with my kids is that they have both been labeled "gifted" and are incredibly bright. they just refuse to apply themselves all the way. i think to myself "i have never taught you to just do the minimum required to get by. i have always shown you that you need to go the extra mile." it's so frustrating. as far as boyfriend is concerned, i know what you're saying is right. i'm clingy and insecure right now which is just driving him away. i'm too much for anyone when i get like this and i know it and i just feel powerless to stop it. i hear the words coming out of my mouth and i know i shouldn't be saying them but i do it. i truly do ruin relationships because of this behavior and i don't want to do that now (if i haven't already) but i just feel powerless to stop it.

Go out right now and get yourself a copy of The Rules. Then read it over and over and over and over......it will give you strength when you don't have any. Helps keep your eye on the prize. As for the kids - gifted or not - if they are anything like mine they are unbeaten spoiled brats. LOL. It's ok to do the best you can and let the world smack them in the face when they turn 18. We can only do so much. SOMEDAY they will get it and we can smugly sit back and say "told you so..." I personally cannot wait. We give them the tools, whether they use them is up to them. We give them a better life then the one we had. They don't appreciate it because they don't know the difference. Someday they'll get it. Until they do it is just repeating and doing the same things over and over.

i want to sit back smugly and look at all of this shit and say "ha! i finally did it right and now it's your problem". my children, too, are spoiled, unbeaten brats. they can be so sweet and good and loving, but when it comes to this shit, they could drive a mother to drink, and i don't even like drinking...lol. what is "the rules"? i will get it if it will help me deal with any of this shit.

Here is the link to the Rules website. www.therulesbook.com it is old fashioned dating advice that actually works. I really struggled thru my teens and early 20s. Then I found this book, and poof. It dawned on me. I was making every single mistake there was. It didn't make me straight...which I found was my biggest problem with men. LOL But it did help me take some control over my relationships.

Post edited by: bejeweled, at: 04/16/2009 11:11

I just wanted to say to hang in there, zinnia. Troubles come and they go. Kids grow up. My 10 year old refuses to apply himself and I know how very smart he is but he thinks a D is a passing grade. My 8 year old daughter is much more enthusiastic about her grades, at least so far. Maybe you could remind this 24 year old woman that it wasn't too long ago that she was a child herself. Hang in there it will get better, if not tomorrow then soon.

thanks to all for the support. all of my problems didn't get solved but i'm handling things much more productively today and i'm not sitting here crying all day long. decided on some proactive steps i'm going to take with all of the situations in my life and that made me feel better. thanks for the help. i needed you guys to get me started thinking more positively.

love you and peace.

Your children are probably bored. They thought Einstein was mentally challenged and he was just bored. It happens with gifted children. It sounds like they need to be challenged.You need to talk to their teachers and work with them to help them.

Both my children are bipolar and adhd. They have struggled with school the whole time. It's been heartbreaking to watch. My youngest boy is being homeschooled through home hospice and is getting Bs and Cs which is a miracle. I have always praised him even when he got bad grades. They tend to try harder when you praise them. At least with my kids it works. I don't know about your kids.

There is hope, they will outgrow it. I know it seems hopeless but it's not.

I know what it's like to feel worthless. I feel like that alot. And I need people to tell me I'm not in order to feel better.

It's going to be ok, I promise. You are not worthless and this feeling will pass.