Bipolar Support Group

Well here is Jasmine who truly is the scum on the earth. I kissed a stripper on saturday. and lied about being at the strip club and i dont plan to tell my boyfriend about the kiss. i just decided i am going to drastically change my behavior and stay away from the places i know i'll get in trouble with and try to become the good virtuous woman i was b4 i met my boyfriend. i mean he is a good guy, but he encourages me to live it up and its cool for someone who can do things in moderation, but for a bipolar person it is havoc and i have felt myself slip away and i dont like much about the person i am in. so there is nothing i can do about what happened i am not gonna hurt myself because i was bad this time but i am giving up all activities that i know are harmful to my relationship with myself and the people i care about. i wanna like myself again. how do i stop wanting to party, wanting to talk to so many women and all? can i really become the person i wanna be, or am i just gonna be a mess the rest of my life. i told my friend i wanted to change she said i doubt you can but at least you'll try. i wanted to cry once i heard that. am i really that awful? i am starting to think so please help!

Is there anything that makes you doubt your present relationship? Sometimes sabatoging a relationship is about not thinking you are good enough for a person. Other times it is because you don't think the person is really right for you. Just an idea.

i dont think i am good enough for him. i am a loser. i am truly a loser. just when i was getting better i am back to feeling like this doing anything just to have some feeling. i had two good months of not being depressed and here i am again. he is too good for me if this is the way i am with these slip ups every few months. i mean he has it together, good job done school the car on his own, i mooch off of him my parents on welfare at a community college. i cant even write anymore i am just sick of talking about myself.

Jazmine, you are worthy, you are special, you are MY FRIEND! If he is in a relationship with you and knows about your bipolar then he is there by his own choice. OK you screwed up, NEWS FLASH!!! WE ALL DO! Bipolar or not. The thing is to learn from our mistakes, you now know that you need to stay away from places and things that can easily lead you astray. Now just work on carrying through with the plan to stay away from those places, that is all any of us can do.

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HUGE HUGS GIRL!

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GOD BLESS

RED

jasmine....i think you have some insight here that you have to give yourself credit for. the thing about staying away from places and things that are potential trouble situations. this is key and likely to be very successful i think! by the way, feeling badly about what happened is a good sign, but you're being too harsh in my opinion. lighten up on yourself. you're only human. have you talked with boyfriend about it? maybe you'd feel better if you came clean. love ya.

I would come clean but he'd leave me i am afraid cause i lied about where i was that night cause i know he would have been mad i was at a strip club with guys i dont even know. they were my friend's friend but that dont make him no difference and he stayed awake for when i was coming in and all. i made a mess. i am not as upset about it as i was last night but i am going try to work with my therapist to stop the implosive behaviors and work on being a better person. i still dont like myself right now but hopefully i can redeem myself

Coming clean with your boyfriend will probably make you feel better, even though its difficult.

But you have value as a human being, and you are not a loser. You are a beautiful girl. And God loves you and values you no matter what you did or have done. Relying on what people think will always make you feel like a loser, because you can't really please everyone. Take care of yourself.

Jazz- I so get you. I am your friend and atleast you didn't sleep with her or anyone else- that is a step, a huge one. Good for you. Let it go and move on. You are not a loser and you ARE worthy.... Now if I can go take my own advice, I will be better for it

i know what you mean about impulsive behavior. i don't have the affair thing or the partying thing. what i do is say stupid shit and then just wish i could suck the words right back into my mouth. no matter what i try to do to stop, it never seems to work. it makes me feel badly about myself, too, just as you do. but when i read your post, i can see that you're being way too hard on yourself. you screwed up. it's your choice to tell or not tell (personally i think there are times when telling is more to relieve guilt than to be honest and what you did isn't so huge as you feel it is). you're going to do the best you can to stop this behavior. that's all you can do.

sioux-if you figure out how to take your own advice, could you please let me know because i just suck at it so badly

Hey lady.. I am with you all the way. I am finally dating a real responsible good honest person and i am attracted to another person as well. the other person has asked me over for thursday/friday. i know that if i do stay over that we will sleep together. i don't know if i can do it - or NOT do it. i want to, but but i also want to be faithful to scott. but scott doesn't seem to care so i almost take the liberty to act on that and do waht i want.

does this make it right? no. you can change. maybe or maybe not completely who knows. everyone is different, the most important part is to try. here is one isolated issue you are working on. so what do you need to stay clean, so to speak? for me, don't put the candy in front of me and i need to make decisions that will keep me away from tempting spots.

DON'T LET IMPUSLIVENESS AND EMOTION GUIDE YOUR ACTIONS. YOU GUIDE YOUR ACTIONS!!!! I am learning this in DBT (dialectial behavioral therapy) and it is wonderful but the hardest thing you will ever do (telling yourself NO ha ha).

good luck. you can do it. don't look at the whole trip, just look at where you are right now. this is just a series of choices.

catfrogs/Kika