bp and working

i ask this because my wife walked off her job in sept of 07.shortly after she was dx'd with bp.she has not been able to work full time since.yet for 19 years she was able to work with little problems.if she hated the job she would quit and find another one.but never has she said its too hard to work.she only works a part time job now 12-16 hours.did her last episode cause this or is it somehting with the dx that makes her think she cant work.

my problem is we feel behind on mortgage payments because she isn't working full time.the mortgage company will work with us on missed payments if we can make the normal monthly payments.we cannot because of her less hours.she is aware of this too.they start the forclosure proccedings next week.she said we cant afford the house so let it go.the problem is we could when she worked full time.so what changed?she said its not fair that i want to her to work at a job she hates.is it fair that our family(me and our 2 kids) have to lose our home because she refuses to work full time?i have encouraged her to seek other empployment.she has not put a real effort into it.a few apps here and there.

she is medicated.i do feel they are working.i dont believe this is the same as thoughtless actions during a manic episode.she is aware of the consequenses.she is aware of what is happening.yet she does nothing to prevent it.i dont understand.i asked her if she is deliberately making us lose the house.she said no.(doupt she would admit it anyway) but i had to ask.

i think she is afraid to work.her last job she had an affair with a coworker.when it ended he didn't let up.she also had issues with other coworkers that knew of the affair,she blew up one day and tossed a chair.she was going to be "wrote up" for that and walked out instead.is it simply fear of it happening again.if so what can i do about it?and could that fear be strong enough that she would risk lossing our home?

one more time i gota say "i hate this f$#$en illness".

rob

Post edited by: robs, at: 02/03/2008 06:51

Becca

As much as your wife is dealing with right now, please tell her that your family is going downhill (financially, security-wise) and you cannot manage this alone. You need her, the kids need her.

Bi Polar is not easy, to say the least - for those who have it and those who love/live with them. If your wife is anything like me (and a couple of things you mentioned reminds me of myself in the last 4 years or so), she goes completely inward during stressful times, is impulsive (an affair with a co-worker while married), reacts negatively when confronted, feels attacked and betrayed, focuses on herself and tends to point blame elsewhere. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but this is what I picked up from your post and that is essentially me in a nutshell.

It's tough. Whenever I am confronted or a finger is pointed at me about anything. I retreat. I blame, then close off. Maybe your wife is having difficulty just dealing with the fact that now there is a label on what is wrong with her. Maybe she feels now she has an excuse for her behavior and can do it with less guilt. I don't know.

Do you and your wife partake in counceling? If not, you both may benefit a lot from it. She needs to understand that while she does have a serious mood disorder, she must continue to try for those around her who need her. If she cannot work full time right now, fine. Don't press that issue. Depending on your state, forclosure proceedings take months (up to a year) and all that while, the homeowner has time to work out arrangements with the mortgage company. During this time, possibly you and your wife can cut back on the "wants" and focus on providing your family with the essential "needs" (of course, you have been doing this, but instead of resenting that fact, accept it and continue).

Listen, you sound like the type of man who will not just walk out on his family and I completely respect that. Your wife had an affair, have the two of you come to terms with that? Have you been able to forgive her? I don't know the circumstances, but it must have been hard, to say the least.

You and your family are going through a lot, but there is only so much you can do for your wife right now. Please seek counceling, if not with her together, than for yourself.

I hope things get better for you and your family soon.

Jacklynn123

we actually go to court tommorrow for the forclose date,not long now.will less income we dont qualify for help with mortgage.they aren't willing to work at this point.mainly because in 06 my wife didn't pay the mortgage for 4 months.she hid the statements from me.i found out when a company came to the door.i cashed in all 401 k to get out of forclosure then.so theres nothing left to help this time.

as for the cheating,2 that i know of.nothing new there.

tryed counciling 2 times.bad idea.will now have to wait till march when new insurance kicks in for another try.

chapter 13 is not option.you have to able to pay dept.our income to dept ratio is negative right now.chapter 7 is only option,last

resort.

yes i have come to terms with the fact that she had an affair,twice,i have not accepted the lieing that went on long after it was over.she also lied about the house in 06.what wont she lie about?that i cant just accept.

Lying, cheating, etc.. there is only so much the human heart can take.