Bipolar Support Group

My pdoc reckons I'm going through an unstable phase - mood swings galore. I know that I should be taking this seriously. I know I should take my meds, eat well, establish a good sleeping pattern to stop any further escalation. But really, I just don't care. It feels good. I'm smarter, sexier, funnier. I am a better person when I'm like this. I know I shouldn't think that, but I do. It's like the dirty secret of bipolar - it can be so fucking great. Sometimes the drugs make me feel like I'm just coasting through life. Like, in order to stop this evil side of me, I needed to sacrifice this amazing part of me. Being average is the best I can hope for. And to be honest, that sucks when you know you are so much better than that.

I have talked to my pdoc about this but I can't trust him to do the right thing. I have this niggling thought in my head that he's in on it. They're all in on it. Keeping me drugged and stupid so I can't achieve what I am here for. Its a means of controlling the cattle.

I've had two days off work which have been wonderful. Not having to deal with other people or answer stupid questions, no one to slow me down...bliss. Gotta go back tomorrow which I'm dreading. I'll be stuck in meetings all day which are so annoying. Lots of complaining about things we can't change and they keep having a go at me, as if I was somehow responsible. Yes, because a team leader is the first person the state Premier goes to when he makes decisions about funding and hiring policies. And the Prime Minister asks her dogwalker for tips abaout border protection (well... probably couldn't do worse!).

I'm so frustrated by other people right now. Anyway, the stupid sleeping pills should start working soon so I'd better get into bed just in case tonight is the night they actually work and I lose control of my limbs....

Good night!

Oh boy. I really feel for you. Yes mania is so intoxicating. One of the many evil aspects of bipolar. I'm not going to tell you how it can morph into delusions and reckless behavior and wreak havoc on your job and personal life. Whoops, a little apophasis there, sorry. But please look out for the warning signs such as extreme irritability, lack of sleep/eating, delusions/paranoia. These are signs the hypomania is turning to something dangerous.

I really do hate raining on your parade bc I've been there. But I've also been there for the conclusion. :| Take care, Soy

The point of medications is to stabilize so you don't experience extremes, not take away from who you are. If you feel lackluster on medications, then it could be one of couple things. You could be slightly over medicated and the dosages just need to be cut a little. Or, it could be that those medications aren't the right ones for you. The problem with that "dirty little secret" is another: the crash. And you will crash eventually if the hypomania or mania is not brought under control. Depression sucks and it can be bad enough to make you feel suicidal sometimes. I don't experience the wild mood swings anymore, but I also am still funny, creative, and able to think quickly when I get enough sleep. I know you're having a good time now, I just worry about the downside to follow.

You also sound a little paranoid about your pdoc. I don't think there is a concerted effort to do mind control of those with bipolar. Go back to your pdoc and let him help you. Finding the right combination and dosages is a trial and error process, so keep him informed of how you are feeling with each change so he can get it right for you. I hope you got some sleep last night. That will help some.

What's apophasis?

I agree a lot of dealing with people is annoying. My boss said I cause a commotion and don't listen, though I don't understand that. Then I was standing there trying to figure out if I do that, and she said, "look - you're doing it now!" I think people are big into blind obedience to their wishes. It makes life easier for them. Probably makes your meeting people happy to blame someone - makes them feel like they have the potential to control something that's not controllable.

I'm also having trouble walking the hypomanic line right now. Edging in there because I can't sleep. Trying to control it with good diet and hydration. Heaven help us all.

I wish everyone luck with they hypomania/mania dilemma. I struggled with it in my twenties, but ended up in the hospital too many times to count, so I'm very med compliant now.

I ran across apophasis on merriam-webster's word of the day and never forgot it (unlike all the other words) bc it fits me to a tee. It's that annoying habit of saying you're not going to mention something, meanwhile you're mentioning that something. Politicians use it a lot, so do I. :|