Bipolar Support Group

doing my best not to crash, but i know i can't just keep sticking the klonopin (clonazepam) under my tongue every two hours. phone situation remains unresolved. medication shortage remains unresolved. driver manager said i can't dead head from here to home to take care of either beings that i've already deadheaded from saskatoon, saskatchewan, canada. g-doc is doing what they can to get me an emergency supply of meds, but i need to know what town i am going to, as well as passing through, so to find a pharmacy between here and there. my depakote is being rationed at 50% prescribed, simply skipping my pm dosage. my trazodone i'm not taking because i'm in such short supply, i'm saving it for when i have to run a shipment. since thursday, i've had a maximum of four hour sleep a night. and that's with two hours sleep, two hours awake, two more hours sleep, then up for good ... cant' go back to sleep. i'm on the verge of a total crash right now and can hardly talk to my wife, the doctor, the phone company or anyone else without loosing it. i did muster up the strength to talk with my driver manager in a calm and normal tone. thank god it was a short conversation because when she told me that i could not dead head home to resolve these issues, i about triggered right there at the pay phone in the truck stop infront of everyone. i just hurried myself back to the privacy of my truck and let go there instead. this fucking illness sucks. everyone says they understand ... and they don't. they can't because they do not live in our world. and there is nothing anyone can do because their hands are tied by corporate policies and such. at least my g-docs group is cooperating and are going way out of their way to help. they are even going to call medco and attempt to find out why my meds have not been sent yet and why the klonopin is not on their list. until i get my emergency supply, i'm just hanging on by a thread and doing my best not to go full blown. that would be the end of this job. the end of this career. the end of what little of a life i have left.

I'm sorry this is happening. You are suffering a lot and it really sucks. I'm glad your GP is doing everything to help you, but it sounds like you are having a problem getting your medications. I really feel for you being on the road with all of this going on in your life. Things have got to get better for you. I hope things start to look up and you are able to get your medications soon. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this. Hang in there and know that we are here for you through this.

Joy; the g-doc came through as did my driver manager as did Walgreens. One month emergency supply while the g-doc tries to figure out what the hell happened with medco and the three month supply of all for that they supposedly shipped on the 28th.

i have a run to pick up today and deliver tomorrow. and, since the phone is dead, may have no further internet connection for awhile. the life of a trucker.

thank you for you empathy and your support. we all know how important that is in a time of crisis and often the only place we really get it is right here on the bipolar group where others really do understand what it's like.

Hi 2ofme,

Sorry to hear that you are going through such stress over getting your meds. This should be a no brainer. People who need their meds should not be cut off!!! If you had diabetes would they not give you insulin???? Your whole situation with the medco people just Sucks!!! I'm glad you got it straightened out!!!! Hang on no matter what. People really do care about you. I love hearing about your successes in truck driving, and hope to hear many more stories. I think of you when I see a big truck on the highway (and I try to stay out of his way.)

Have you ever tried benadryl when you can't sleep??? (Not when you have to drive, but on an off day. It really helps me when I can't sleep. Good luck, Maria

2ofme,

My heart goes out to you. Yes, we really do understand. (((2ofme)))

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

You are a good friend.

Please keep us updated when you can.

Take Care.

2ofme I was getting more and more anxious and angry on your behalf as I read your first post. I think I have never been so happy and relieved in reading a post on MDJ as I was reading your second one. For you to be going through this with your meds at all was wrong on too many levels to count and to have it happen on the road, away from the comfort of home and wife...ugh. Just ugh. I don't have a word. I'm SO GLAD everything came out for you in the end.

Thanks to each and every one of you for your kind and loving support. Here's the latest news:

Still had slight shakes yesterday evening but can feel that I'm feeling better. We'll see if the shakes dissipate today as the depakote levels continue to rebuild and i've had two nights of uninterrupted sleep. They weren't as bad yesterday as they had been and I wasn't falling apart every time I talk to someone about it.

My g-doc will continue to investigate what happened to the three month supply that was "supposedly" sent on the 28th. I informed them that obviously they were not because when I went to pick my emergency supply up at the pharmacy only one had been billed to my insurance carrier. Granted they give the first shipment free for any new med, but two of the four I have received through them before. So at the least, two of them should have been billed.

But out of all of this I have discovered a 'couple' people that do genuinely care (other than my MDJ friends, of course). Lisa,at my g-docs office, and my adopted big sister, Francis. Lisa jumped right in there and took care of the emergency meds supply for me. Even going as far as looking up the locations on google maps, then going to satellite view to see if I could get my semi tractor in the parking lot. And, with Francis, there were three voice mail messages and about six texts on the phone from her. She was worried sick when she never heard from me in return and kept trying and trying and trying to contact me. Had a wonderful chat with her on the phone yesterday evening.

I made it by sprint yesterday as I passed through town. Went home and had a beer with the wife while they repaired it and then hit the road a few hours later to reach my overnight location thirty, minutes north of my load location this morning.

It really does something when you find people who truly care doesn't it? Whoever this Lisa person is she's got my vote as GP office worker of the year!

Thanks for the update. Glad things are settling out well and that you got a visit home.

Post edited by: centerseeker, at: 07/11/2012 03:52 AM

Yes, centerseeker, it does. I know my g-doc genuinely cares too, but Lisa to matters into her own hands and took off running full tilt! Trust me, I DID inform her how much I appreciated all that she had done for me during our numerous telephone conversations. She certainly gets the Gold Star of Quality Customer Service from THIS voter!