Bipolar Support Group

I feel like I just can't be a good enough mom to my kids (ages two and five.) My meds (Seroquel 200 mg. and Depakote 1000 mg.) knock me out for ten hours at a time. I hear the kids get up in the morning and still feel exhausted. If they are quiet, watching TV or something, I will try to steal another half hour of sleep or so. I want to be there for them when they wake up, already awake and drinking my coffee. By the time I am functioning, they are already bored. I start on my designated housework for the day and get my shower, all while they have to entertain themselves, or watch too much TV. The school year was a disaster...I put my son in private kindergarten because I knew that if I was paying for it whether he was there or not, they wouldn't be able to say much about his lateness/excessive absences when I was too depressed to get him to school. He will be going to first grade next year in public school and I have no idea what I am going to do. When I am manic, I take them out and buy them lots of toys or take them on expensive outings that I don't have the money for. They have no schedule. Sometimes we'll just ride around and stuff ourselves with crappy fast food at three in the afternoon and then no one feels like eating dinner. If I don't have any money, I'll take them on an all day outing to parks or for swimming and a picnic and then still think I'm going to come home and clean the floors, sanitize the sinks and countertops, take care of all the plants, clean up the yard from the dog, brush the dog, pay all my bills, give the kids baths, organize my calendar (meaning making about ten different lists of things to do), wash and fold all the laundry, read all the mail, pick up all the toys, make a dinner from scratch, and handwash all the dishes. And the thing is that most of the time, I actually do all of these things, staying up until one or two in the morning or until whenever it's all done. I also get angry and irritable very easily. I feel very bad when that gets directed at my family. I love my kids to death; I am just not sure that, when they see me for what I really am, that I am communicating that to them correctly. I am really hoping I don't get bashed for admitting all of this, I just need to know how to be a better mom to my kids.

No bashing here. I feel like I fail as a mom quite frequently because my daughter climbs into my bed in the morning and says "Mommy, I'm hungry," and I say, "Okay, baby, what do you want?" Then I drag myself out of bed, get it for her, and climb right back into bed after making it while she finds something on TV to watch.

After about an hour, I make myself get up, because I feel terrible - not because I feel ready. I promise myself that the next day, I'll make sure that I get up before her, or at the very least when she comes into my room the FIRST time (because she usually comes in at least twice before admitting that she's hungry).

I am rarely depressed, so once I'm up, I'm usually pretty good about doing things - usually. But my daughter knows that we have lots of 'lazy' days where we don't do anything productive. What she doesn't know is that it's because I have absolutely no focus at all.

I don't know how you can be a better mom, because if I did, I'd be one, too. The best I can do here is let you know that you aren't alone - that reading your post was almost like reading something I could have written. *hug*

Wow, I can relate. my daughter is only a year and half and it's just me and her. Thank god for coffee. I feel like such a bad mom when I'm depressed. no energy. I can barely take care of myself so I put every ounce of strength I have into taking care of her.

You sound like an amazing mother, you're trying. Now that you can point out your issuesespecially concerning your childrens schooling,you NEED to change it. I havea feeling that whenit counts, you;ll do what it takes because bipolar or not you're a mom and by nature you will do what you need to do for them

I can definitely relate... I have FIVE kids, ages 11, 7, 4, 3, and 2. YIKES! Plus, I have my 13 year old stepdaughter for the summer.

But once you get those meds right, they shouldn't knock you out so much and you will find that you are much less hard on yourself. Remember, you do not need to be the perfect mom. She doesn't exist. You just need to be good enough. And from what you are describing, you sound like a GREAT mom.

The awesome thing about kids is that they are incredibly adaptable. They can ride the ups and downs with you and come out just fine. (Of course, I'm not referring to kids whoa re abused by their parents in the course of mental illness.) For moms like us, its amazing how the kids just roll with it and accept and love us for who we are.

When I get down on myself I go through my checklist: Are my kids fed? Clothed? Clean? Happy? Well-rounded?

If I can say yes to all those things, then I know I am not failing. I wish I could do more crafts with them or spend one on one time with them, but when I get my episodes I just can't. And you know what, they don't even seem to notice! They are too busy playing to say "Oh, Mom didn't make cupcakes with us today..." Which really makes sense when you think about it.

Besides, I think its good for them to learn a little autonomy. It's totally okay for them to chill out without you while they watch cartoons or whatever. I'm not above napping on the couch while the little ones play blocks, for example. My older kids are easier when it comes to that because they are more trustworthy on their own.

And you know what? I bet some of their favorite memories will be those afternoons grabbing fast food. My stepdaughter still talks of two summers ago when it was so hot and we had no a/c. We'd load up in the van and drive around for hours just to be cool, and buy $1 ice creams from McDonald's. We would do this till 11:00 pm when their dad got out of work. It's an adventure for them, nothing to feel guilty about!

Hang in there Momma, you are doing an excellent job and those babies know it! ((((hugs))))

NO one is going to bash you. My very first thought is that you need to go to your pdoc and tell him/her that you can't function like this. You shouldn't have to live with these side effects and don't have to. It's almost as if you are over medicated. That's an opinion, I am not a doctor, but your medications can be adjusted. The point of medications are to help stabilize you, not turn you into a sleeping machine.

And on that segue, it's hard to mother two active young children when you are feeling drugged up. I know how I have felt when I have taken drugs that have left me feeling "hungover" and it's a terrible feeling. You can barely function. You aren't a bad mother. You are dealing with a situation that is correctable, I think. When my son was little I was not yet diagnosed, so he was living with a mommy who was bouncing from one extreme to another, but I did the best I could and he turned out just fine because he knew I loved him and I'm sure your children know you love them.

It sounds like you could try to reset your body's clock so you aren't up until 1:00, that way, you would be able to get up when they do. Remember one very important thing, housework can be less than perfect. Children grow up so fast that you won't want to miss it. If you are wearing yourself out because of that, leave it for once a week or something. Or just decide some things like some clutter just isn't that big of deal because as I said, you will look back and wonder where the time went when they are grown.

You are doing a great job under the circumstances. Go see your pdoc right away and get your medications straightened out.