Bipolar Support Group

I have been spiralling down for days now. My pdoc changed my meds - all of them - as I was manic too long. Increased LIthium, decreased wellbutrin, discontinued abilify and added olanzapine - all in one swoop. Days later, I started to go down. Now I am in the worst head space I've been in for a while. I did the forbidden and adjusted my meds, just back to where they were.....I prefer manic over this. But it hasn't changed yet.

My husband and I are having the worst arguments through this. He doesn't know how to back off...says unhelpful (is that a word?) things like "you weren't like this before you started taking all these meds" and "you should go to the hospital."Other things that I can't remember now. I just want him to stay away from me, but he can't - because he has to try to fix me, even though I am ravelling out of control every time he comes near me. If I could just twinkle my nose, I would take myself right out of here, and be alone. Alone is easier than this.

I went off to gamble (which I never do) when feeling bad, just so that I could feel worse. Can anyone relate? Anyway, the universe threw me a win and I walked out as soon as I won it (rather than lose it). Then I went to my favourite store that sells everything with bling (everything I own has something that blings on it - I think it's my manic side) and I have been admiring my new purchase for days. It's the only thing that makes me feel good. I don't feel like doing the unthinkable or anything. I don't even want to go to a hospital or anything. I just feel like over time, my meds will adjust again. I can't go to see pdoc as she has TOO MANY patients and NEVER sees me in a crisis. It's the emergency ward or nothing.

I guess that's all. Just needed to get somewhere to vent my frustration at what my life looks like right now. I hate being bipolar - I really do. I can't say I'm accepting it, that would be a lie. I just hate it beyond words.

I hope whoever reads this message is doing better than me.

I can understand what you're doing re your meds but I won't give an opinion either way.

Again, I'm sorry about the depression and I'm glad you vented here. That's what we're here for and we are here for you as you go through this. Post everyday, even if you're feeling the same. It may help.

Take care,

Soy

Post edited by: soy70, at: 05/20/2012 04:36 PM

As Soy says keep posting, it may help.

I would suggest that you don't mess with your meds and if you feel like your new combo isn't working then speak to your pdoc again. Im sorry to hear that she is so hard to get hold of however, maybe she could tweak them over the phone? That's what my pdoc does all the time.

Wishing you well.