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porch52  Posts: 716
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One of the things I've come across over the years is a person with bipolar making a contract with someone they trust, so that if they get too out of it, either high or low, that person is allowed to take control, and call the doctor, etc. I've never been open miinded to this idea because I'm very independent and in my mind, it's my body, I should be able to do what I want with it...plus I've always been pretty good at getting support before things go haywire. Last night and today when my mom left me (to sleep or to go out) she asked me to promise her that I wouldn't hurt myself. I know she's doing it because she cares sooo much about me, but I hate the feeling. I feel resentful, and want to SI anyway, but because of the promise I don't, and end up feeling aggitated and frustrated and anxious. Has anyone else run into this? What do you do? how do you feel? |
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bfly Posts: 4061
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I've signed these contract- no harm contracts - usually in the hospital or with my therapist- it's strangely motivating?? There is also whats called an Advance Directive for people with mental illness- maybe check into that- you get to list docs you don't want to see, hospitals you will or will not go to, meds you refuse to take... etc- and allows a person you love to help respect your wishes. I started mine- but we move so much I never really finished it... But I know the feelings you are talking about... Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Kahlil Gibran
"The sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being." Carl Jung
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Leo F. Buscaglia
"Always fall in with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with."
Robert Frost
"God doesn't give us more than we can handle, I just think He overestimates my strength!" lol- me
Bipolar I, PTSD, Bulimia, Anxiety, Fibromyalgia
Lithium 1500 mg; Lamictal 400mg; Busparone 60 mg; Armour Thyroid 30; Visteril as needed |
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Yrollam  Posts: 1274
Senior Member
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I've only run intro it with my pdoc. I know she contracts with me because she cares. I think that being in a state of mind where you want to SI and can't is always going to be frustrating and anxiety provoking. But if the contract prevents you from harming yourself it is worth the frustration and aggregation. "People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me."~My So Called Life
Meds:
Lithium-1800 mg
Wellbutrin XL- 150mg
Saphris-20mg
Seroquel XR- 300 mg
Visteral-50 mg PRN |
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porch52 Posts: 716
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I feel like these thoughts are "seducing" me. First it was just images in my head....stressed me out. After awhile, they didn't bother me anymore. Then I started thinking, what if I just got a drop of blood, no biggy, and it's gotten to a point where it's unrequited, and my "demon" inside says, just do it once and I'll go away. Does it ever work that way? Can I trust that judgement? I hate having thoughts that I don't know whether to believe or not.. |
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bfly Posts: 4061
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The "demon" inside... is full of sh*t... and he wants you to be full of sh*t too... It sounds crazy- but, well two things I do- I always have a really slapstick funny movie on hand to watch... it "brings me back to laugh"... but also- sometimes I just cut veggies- get my cutting board out and cut carrots, broccoli... etc... sounds weird but it focuses my attention and I'm still technically "cutting" something. Hang in there. Maybe try to do some journaling to- stuff you can read to a therapist maybe??? Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Kahlil Gibran
"The sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being." Carl Jung
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Leo F. Buscaglia
"Always fall in with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with."
Robert Frost
"God doesn't give us more than we can handle, I just think He overestimates my strength!" lol- me
Bipolar I, PTSD, Bulimia, Anxiety, Fibromyalgia
Lithium 1500 mg; Lamictal 400mg; Busparone 60 mg; Armour Thyroid 30; Visteril as needed |
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porch52 Posts: 716
Member
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Well, I'm going to be creating a list of how bipolar has affected my daily life so that I can let my fam doc know. Hopefully she will then decide that I do in fact qualify for disability tax refunds. So I think that will help. This new med I got put on today might nelp, and I'm going to spend some time focusing on mandalas this week, my spiritual output. I feel better after having a plan for the week, and a break from constant counseling sessions. But I still wish this "demon" would shut the f*** up!!! and I don' really strust myself with a knife right now, so cutting veggies is out. funny movie or a good book, that might work! |
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bfly Posts: 4061
VIP Member
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I know- the knife thing is really weird--- but it worked once and I use it still! LOL... If you were just put on a new medicine --- some meds can create suicidal/injurious thoughts-- may not be a bad idea to inform your pdoc- if this seems to be a bit out of the norm for you. Hope you feel better. And a list is a good idea! Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Kahlil Gibran
"The sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being." Carl Jung
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Leo F. Buscaglia
"Always fall in with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with."
Robert Frost
"God doesn't give us more than we can handle, I just think He overestimates my strength!" lol- me
Bipolar I, PTSD, Bulimia, Anxiety, Fibromyalgia
Lithium 1500 mg; Lamictal 400mg; Busparone 60 mg; Armour Thyroid 30; Visteril as needed |
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porch52 Posts: 716
Member
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It was just today they switched the meds, I've been having these feelings growing for a couple weeks..and then explode over the weekend. My counselor says it's hard because I don't really fit into the "classic" reasons for hurting yourself. Hopefully the diazepam will help. If I have to I'll go to the hospital, at least they'll have me see a pdoc (mine's not available until July and lives 2.5 hours away. She comes up once a month. bfly, thanks so much for your suggestions. I'm going to head to bed now and hopefully have a better nights sleep tonight! |
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bfly Posts: 4061
VIP Member
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I wish you a great nights sleep! Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Kahlil Gibran
"The sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being." Carl Jung
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Leo F. Buscaglia
"Always fall in with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with."
Robert Frost
"God doesn't give us more than we can handle, I just think He overestimates my strength!" lol- me
Bipolar I, PTSD, Bulimia, Anxiety, Fibromyalgia
Lithium 1500 mg; Lamictal 400mg; Busparone 60 mg; Armour Thyroid 30; Visteril as needed |
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Rachel8125 Posts: 74
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Sometimes when someone tells you not to do something, it makes you want to do it even more. I have an addiction to food. If I made a promise like that to someone that I wouldn't binge, I'd probably go straight out and do it as a revenge/rebellious thing. Think it would make me feel resentful of the person I'd made the contract with too. Maybe this contract technique works better with some people, but not with others. I think you have to be 100% ready to give up the behaviour. Rachel
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http://rachelmiller1511.wordpress.com/ |
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"I've been a grateful member here for over 4 yrs this place has changed my life of course for the better, coming to the groups has enabled me to no longer feel so alone. As a group leader for the Bipolar Support group I can relate to others and am expressing my experience strength and hope and this is very rewarding, I've also made many supportive friends here whom I talk to some daily. I used to have a lot of 'lows' since becoming member here at MdJunction I no longer have these lows." (Dit)
