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05/14/2012 11:45 AM

Feeling "undefended"(page 3)

Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16594
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

No, I don't think you are silly at all. It's just an explanation of people. They are like a lemon without any more juice. Trying to squeeze something out of them isn't going to get results. Now that I know that you are in a committee that makes the story a little different. I still agree that it should be taken aside and discussed privately if it's personal. I think maybe you need some different people on the committee if they are just going to sit there and not say anything when the person says they all agree or you are going to believe that they do all agree. You are supposed to be a team. Not working things out together isn't good. I feel for you there. I'm sorry you feel unloved. You are cared for here. I can see that you are told to shake it off when you want to talk about that now. You should be able to talk about it since it bothers you. Don't feel bad about anything. We are different than other people. They just don't understand and are ignorant. You are not unlovable. You will find people that you will feel love you. Don't give up hope on that. It sounds like you weren't very loved growing up. I'm sorry that you have these feelings of being unlovable.
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05/14/2012 01:14 PM
WilloJak24
Posts: 187
Member

I agree with you in my rational mind, but I wonder if there's a point at which the screwe up chemicals in our brains cause too much damage to heal with good thoughts alone? I'm not disparaging, just wondering. Liking myself or loving myself sounds great. But I wouldn't dare do it b/c I am absolutely confident something REALLY bad would happen. The shoe always drops. And I know that my retreat from even trying is what drives people away.

But I simply don't understand how to do these things. The PT article was interesting. But when I read things like this "Who isn't too afraid of your passion, or too envious of your gifts? " - I cringe. Who on earth talks like that? People don't envy me - they hate me.

I've occupied enough attention today. My brain is shot.


05/15/2012 02:41 PM
porella1993
 
Posts: 24
Member

HYPN mentioned somewhere that you were a writer. i just randomly read this and i see wisdom and needed to read it. por

05/18/2012 06:28 PM
porella1993
 
Posts: 24
Member

This sequence of posts in undefended is very good. Willo jake sounds like a good soul who appears to have some chemical depression affecting the thoughts.Accepting life on life's terms and not our own is not easy even to well-balanced mind. To the individual who has depression and fights it by giving self to other can easily feel overwhelmed when it feels as if the whole world turns on you. When/if possible it is best to remember that giving was not in vain and that your giving was noble precisely because it was no investment of any kind. It's hard when we are depressed to remember why we are givers and easy to begin to think in terms of all that we have contributed. I have learned in life the hard way that basic obvious fact that others have learned much earlier- life is not fair. And there may be another part of w-jake's story. In my life during swings, I have made an enemy here and there without knowing and it has led to many of the helpless feelings that willojake seems to be having. It is very easy to be confused when you are not aware of why someone would want to do harm to you. As someone else posted it is so important at this time to seek out those few people that can shine light on your gifts and empower you. If you can't find that, I would say to retreat and to regroup your own reserve. Tap into that inner-spirituality that you appear to have. For me, that means also getting on the right med. The post about possible motivations for putting in so much energy to be an advocate and how there is plenty of space in heaven for martyrs or something like that rang true to me. I liked that post. But in my opinion it sounds like there is something out of your control that is driving this and unless it is more clearly defined you might as well retreat and work on yourself including being good to yourself.Good luck!

05/18/2012 06:39 PM
WilloJak24
Posts: 187
Member

Thanks for responding porella1993. Can you help me understand this " But in my opinion it sounds like there is something out of your control that is driving this and unless it is more clearly defined you might as well retreat and work on yourself including being good to yourself.Good luck!"

Do you mean something I can't control as in my illness or some external factor that just happens to be going on right now?

I've made a lot of enemies. Sometimes I understand why, sometimes I do not. Sometimes, its because I express opinions and othertimes its because I'm over the top. But i cna't worry about that right now because I need to stay focused on brushing my teeth and taking my meds. Yes, I've lost friends.

Retreating is best. I like to think of it as conserving my energy.

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