Bipolar Support Group

This day is for mothers who love their children more than I feel I do. For mothers who have fun with their children, who play with them, mothers who don't find fault with their children. Who can clean the house for them, and make sure all their clothes are folded and not all in a heap. For mothers who can cook with their kids and stand having them in the kitchen without having a stress attack.

For mothers who don't scream at their children all the time. Who take time to do homework with them and to delight in the things they do and the people they are becoming. For mothers who are emotionally available to their children, who help them manage their feeling, and can give their little lives structure.

And it's for all this lack that I feel they'd be better off without me.

The only thing that makes me a mother is that I gave birth to them, and that makes me, by default, their mother.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't have to be perfect to be a mom. But the things that you are worried about are things that you can work on or things that aren't as important as you might think.

For instance, not every mom is one who plays r does homework and kids do fine. As far as the yelling, you can work on that and get better and you can apologize when you have yelled.

As far as the house and clothes, that's not such a big deal either. I know several friends who grew up in disorderly houses and think no less of their parents for it.

I don't mean to annoy you. You came here and shared how you honestly felt and you probably didn't mean for someone to try and turn it all smiley face on you. I'm sorry that you feel this way and feel like a fraud. I am sure you have given your children more than you think.

I worry that they're going to be sitting in a psychiatrists office in thirty years saying my mum did this, that, or the other.

There's problems starting to show in them too. Both have anxiety problems The younger one nicks and hides food and lies about it, then I've just found out she could be doing it at school. The elder one is 8 and on the cusp of an eating disorder if something doesn't change. We've started seeing a psychologist for her. The psychologist has said she's not ODD, she could be ADD (she's either distracted or in a micro focus), she suffers anxiety and the psychologist has said she doesn't say this often, but we need to give her negative consequences or natural follow on consequences (like no dancing shoes packed, no dancing). She may have a problem with audio comprehension, she just doesn't seem to get that her behavior can be unacceptable or she doesn't seem to get what people are trying to say to her. She has tantrums so intense that I have to restrain her in a bear hug to protect her from herself. This is all not good when mum's frustration levels start at 11/10. So we have to get a cognitive abilities assessment done and we need to see a paediatrician.

She seems to be doing well in some subjects at school, but then she tells the psychologist that she pays attention in maths and science because it's hard, but when she's doing reading and writing work she doesn't listen, she counts the squares across the top of the white board instead.(An interactive white board, so it looks like a computer screen which means the boxes are icons). She tells the psychologist that she doesn't listen on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays because she has dancing stuff going through her head. It turns out it's not the steps or dances going through her head, it's the instructions for getting ready for class that goes through her head....take clothes off, put tights on, put leotard on, get hair stuff and put on ballet shoes. She's been getting ready for dancing since she was four. Two or three times a week since she was six. She's turning nine next month and still can't seem to do it without endless fuss, and generalised stuffing around.

I just don't understand. I don't get this child at all. She hit terrible twos at 13 months old, and it's never stopped.

I just feel like someone else would be a better parent, would understand better, would handle things differently.

The younger one hardly gets a look in with all the crap that goes on. She desperately needs help too.

I'm at my wits end trying to deal with all this. I'm forgetful and then start obsessing about things or freak out. I have to constantly be doing things with my hands, like beading, bedazzling, fixing things or I start getting agitated. I don't get anything done.

They drive me nuts. I drive them nuts and we're in this horrible cycle that we can't seem to get out of.

I need help, they need help, and I can't seem to get any head space, or time.

My husband is an angelic trooper. He steps up so much. It's not fair on him to have this stuff going around and around constantly, because he does so much for us. He needs a break too. This is such a crappy situation, and I can't see a clear way forward.

I can't see my way clear to take a break, but maybe I need to think about having a facial or something. It just gets so hard to switch the brain off and there's about a million years backlog in the things I have to do, and that doesn't count the twenty years of housework I'm behind with, but damn those tutus and dancing costumes look good!

Thanks again.

N.