Bipolar Support Group

With myself and others I've seen post on here who are in relationships or have been with people who are bipolar, why is it that we have such a hard time accepting the illness? Are we in denial? Now I know the illness is real trust me I just got the brunt of it a few days ago.... but I guess we spend a lot if time trying to blame behavior etc on eveything but the issue and that's the illness itself. I've learned so much about ppl who are bipolar and for some reason I still think deep inside there's got to be a way to fix it, or there has to be something that can be done to make it all go away, or maybe if I did or didn't do this or said that, it will be all better. I know a person can't make another get help. I see all the people on here that are a lot older than me giving advice from experience yet its still hard to take? A psych i asked told me before that a bp person, unmedicated is not husband material and all the I love yous, cards, visits, Im here for yous, gifts whatever is not going to fix them especially when depressed and I didn't believe her. Now I'm afraid she was right. (I'm not married btw). How can someone you love more than anything in the world seem to literally morph into someone else because of an illness?!? I mean not talking about just being a jerk here and there like literally its a different person I never knew? I've never seen anything like it. It's like my brain can't process it and I'm losing my sanity thinking about it. I'm just so confused and hurt I needed to vent and get some understanding. Thanks

I totally understand, i just recently joined here and i'm struggling myself. My husband is bipolar and has been in and out of the hospital for suicide attempts. He is on medication and wants the help but the meds just aren't right yet. We're working on that. It is very very hard and i cry ALOT. But I do love him with all my heart and do what i can to just live day to day. I've learned on here that marriages can work as long as the bp person takes their meds and you have a lot of patience and kindness. He says mean things alot and we just work through it, well, i do. people with bp deserve love too, i truly beleive that. they just have to take their meds and see the psych regularly. I really do understand what you're feeling though, it has been difficult for me and still is, which is why i came here. everyone is so kind and caring and help me get through my hard days when i'm feeling hopeless.

Hang in there and just keep doing research and speaking with people here, they really do help.

*HUGS*

I understand what you mean about the crying, that's all I do know I'm depressed myself now because of all this...I used to think ppl who are bipolar just get happy and sad throughout the day like its displayed on tv. Bipolar is NOTHING like on tv. I think our country doesn't focus well on mental illness awareness. I think everyone should be a lot more educated on this instead of treating it like its taboo or fake because you never know when you will deal with someone, or fall in love with a person dealing with it. I also think the suicide rate will decline if people were more educated on it..

I know the thing with accepting the illness and how hard it is to accept - all the aspects of it. My hubby seems to understand the depression portion, doesn't get the manic part at all. I think he thinks I have control over it, wherein he understands that I can't control the depressive symptoms. He is learning slowly.

I know how serious this disease is. I have a mother and a cousin that were both bipolar that took their lives. The hardest thing to accept, suicide is the worst. They have taught me though that this is deadly/can be fatal, and I need to take it seriously, try to find help, try to get stable...and I have worked hard at it, even though I have been off even very recently. I seem to be better after a med change, for now. Cross fingers.

I am very sorry to hear about your losses! My loved one is at an all time worse now, just very very mean and irrational and I don't know when/if ill hear from him anytime soon (please pray I do) and I'm afraid he'll hurt himself. I've been to two funerals myself of family members that committed suicide, not bipolar but just straight depression. So this whole thing is driving me crazy.

Btw monroe I sent you a message about the Hell I'm going through now...

Post edited by: Iysis, at: 05/11/2012 03:25 PM

Well I am the bipolar one in my relationship, and of course I cannot tell exactly what my husband is ever thinking of me. All I do know is how he reacts to my extremes, both high and low, and how he responds to me when I am relatively stable. He tolerates a lot of crap from me, ranging from ecstatic singing, dancing, laughing, and hyperactivity all the way down to isolating, constant crying, pouting, angry outbursts, pessimism, self-injury, suicide threats and the rare suicidal action. I will not deny that it is a lot to ask of a person to handle all of these varied and unpredictable states, and I don't blame him for at times distancing himself from me if that is what he needs to do in order to preserve his own sanity.

Couples therapy helped us immensely once, but a couple other tries at it failed horribly. The failures were due to the fact that the conversations tended to circulate around how crazy I am and how difficult I make life for everyone and what a disappointment I have been. The time when it helped, I cannot even identify what made it work so well, except that it was never a two-against-one attack on the bipolar person. That is all well and good, but doesn't help unless you can agree with your husband to go to therapy with you.

The long hours my husband works and his complete absorption with work related stuff is his coping mechanism for having me in his life. I know he loves me dearly, but I also know that I am one big source of stress and worry for him.

You have to take care of yourself just as much as your mentally ill partner needs to consistently take his medications. Do not ignore your own needs. It will probably feel like you are doing all the hard work in the relationship and putting up with hell, but struggling with bipolar is a lot of hard work and hell too. Both parties have a lot of hard work to do, and each person needs the other to help encourage them through it.

Its' hard to have bipolar and it's hard to live with someone that has bipolar. Especially if they are unwilling to get help. There is no way for it to go away. You can't just fix it. Medications help with symptoms and a bipolar person can become stable. I am stable on my medications. Sometimes in mania and in depression it can seem like that person is different. In depression a person with bipolar disorder usually wants nothing to do with anyone or anything. Isolation is what happens. In mania, there are different levels. Some get really happy, have energy, get angry, take risks, do things out of character, shop, have racing thoughts, and sometimes have psychosis. It all depends on the person. Not everyone has all the symptoms. So, you have these feelings and they are 100 times worse that you would get. Both mania and depression can ruin a relationship. You can't fix someone with bipolar. There is no cure. You just have to find ways to live with it if that is what you choose to do. You can have a good relationship with a bipolar person, it just takes work and dedication as well as the bipolar person getting help. Non medicated people are a different story. If they won't get help, you have to decide if you want to live that way for the rest of your life if you decide to get married. There is hope though. Read all you can about it and educate yourself. It's the best thing you can do in dealing with bipolar. I hope this helps.

Hi skeptical and joy yes that helps a lot. The more I hear it the more I'm starting to accept the fact there's nothing I can do and trust me I've tried it all. And you are definitely right when you said during a depression phase they are different. My person said he loves me but at the same time seems like he wants nothing to do with me or anyone. When he's manic hes HAPPY and cannot get enough of me. I just hope after the depression he comes back to me and we can discuss help. I'm glad I have support here to get through this pain. In the meantime ill just continue to pray for him and us.

Post edited by: Iysis, at: 05/11/2012 08:50 PM

Some people will only see bipolar symptoms as bad behavior or negative personality traits. They don't understand what BP is most of the time. A lot of people are misinformed about bipolar disorder and think that these people have MPD or are just crazy and angry people. Living with Bipolar Disorder is very difficult for me and a lot of other people. It's hard to try to control your moods and makes lving life in general hard because you don't want to do anything when depressed and want to do everything while manic. Sometimes you do stupid, impulsive things when manic. It's hard for some people to keep a job, relationships, and have a general structure to their life because their life is ruled by their emotions and moods. One day I'm sure they will find a cure for it, once they finally understand completely what causes bipolar disorder and how to treat it more effectively than currents meds. I am married and my husband is very supportive of me. He knows my cues and know how to react to them. He is educated about BP and we have an almost perfect relationship. Everyone is different though, and it's hard to find someone who will understand you that well. Some people just can't or don't want to handle it. It can be very stressful, so I understand why someone woudn't want to try to stay with someone with BP. You have to weigh the pros and cons and pretty much follow your heart(sounds cheesy, I know). It's awesome you have educated yourself about BP disorder. This way you can understand what the person is going through. The best way to deal with it is to know when to stay away from the person and when to stay and support and comfort them. Is he on any medication? Lamictal is a good mood-stabilizer that targets the depression stages of BP, rather than just targeting the mania like most meds. For example like Lithium. If his depression is really bad, tell him to talk to his doctor about trying a new medication.

Hi Iysis,

A year ago or so I went to Al-Anon - it's a very very old support group for prop ether are married to or have a family member who are addicted to alcohol or other drugs - because a guy I dated drank a lot. Your post sound exactly like what the people in the Al-Anon forums say:

With myself and others I've seen post on here who are in relationships or have been with people who are ALCOHOLICS why is it that we have such a hard time accepting the illness? Are we in denial? Now I know the illness is real trust me I just got the brunt of it a few days ago.... but I guess we spend a lot if time trying to blame behavior etc on eveything but the issue and that's the illness itself. I've learned so much about ppl who are ALCOHOLICS and for some reason I still think deep inside there's got to be a way to fix it, or there has to be something that can be done to make it all go away, or maybe if I did or didn't do this or said that, it will be all better. I know a person can't make another get help. I see all the people on here that are a lot older than me giving advice from experience yet its still hard to take? AN AL-ANON MEMBER i asked told me before that a AN ALCOHOLIC person, UnTREATED is not husband material and all the I love yous, cards, visits, Im here for yous, gifts whatever is not going to fix them especially when depressed and I didn't believe her. Now I'm afraid she was right. (I'm not married btw). How can someone you love more than anything in the world seem to literally morph into someone else because of an illness?!? I mean not talking about just being a jerk here and there like literally its a different person I never knew? I've never seen anything like it. It's like my brain can't process it and I'm losing my sanity thinking about it. I'm just so confused and hurt I needed to vent and get some understanding. Thanks

Well, I'm a bipolar person. I never thought I could do this to a person, this awful feeling like what I had with the guy I dated who was drinking. I mean I don't drink or anything and I take my medication ... but despite that, I can still do this to people.... make a person feel like this .... if I could just quit drinking a 40ouz of Bipolar each day, I'd be fine and people around me could be fine and not feel the way you do.

I go to Al-Anon, just because it's 'free therapy.' I have a lot of low self esteem for having bipolar, seriously ashamed for having it. I go to Al-Anon to learn to deal with my own embodiment of 'the real illness of bipolar.' I go to try to separate the person from the disease and learn how to interact and detach --- and Im talking about my own self, how to detach from the illness and deal. I tried goig to the AA to see if I could recover from bipolar like they do from alcoholism, so I wouldn't make people feel the way you wrote about me. It didn't work. The focus was a lot on urges and the actual alcohol. I don't have an urge to just go out and slam back a couple of manias when I'm stressed; they just kind of overtake me. So, the Al-Anon helps me come to accept my own bipolar illness. I'd like to figure a way to 'fix it' but well, the Al-Anon forum is just to learn how to deal and accept. The AA forum isn't the right place for me to 'fix it.' I just leave that part up to the psych and cognitive behavioral, etc.

The Al-Anon is just for the 'accepting' and for the 'relax and remove the urge to fix it' ....

Alcoholism and Bipolar are related in that many alcoholics are also bipolar .... but they are different. The best thing about the Al-Anon is separating my illness from me as a person. I wish people would go. It's free and widespread. I wouldnt want anyone to do all the 'detachment' stuff in me or make the utimatums "If you ever get into a crazy drunken stupor again, I will divorce you." ... "If you ever have a mania again, I will

divorce you." .... It is what is so hard. People think you can just control it by mental choice. I wish I could just have some leeches suck out a liter of bipolar from my blood so I could pour it down the sink and be done with it. But my internal tissues keep brewing it up!

So, again. The Al-Anon thing is good for 'accepting' and 'reducing the urge to fix the bipolar person.'. But I'd never want to be given ultimatums or have to have a detached heart or for someone to do the rock bottom thing to me..... because even if I am in treatment and take my medicine, the bipolar will very likely still come up.