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05/06/2012 02:30 AM

Bipolar and Cheating

Sawatdeekrup
Posts: 4
Member

I've been having a problem being faithful to my girlfriend. We have been together for five years. We started dating in high school. I had my first full on manic phase at 21 and was diagnosed and put on proper medicine. Finally at 23 I have been coming more stable. I am having troubles determining if I'm being unfaithful because I don't love her as much as I thought I did or because of mood swings. I'm only unfaithful once a year and it always happens around this time. My bipolar follows the seasons. At the same time I feel like I'm getting closer to where I want to be in my life and I question our future. It doesn't help that I have family and friends telling me I could do better. At the same time we get along great but I'm worried when we actually move in together that our life style won't work well together. This is a question between unfaithfulness because of bipolar or is it that I don't love her as much as I thought? I'm very confused right now and will like any advice.
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05/06/2012 11:51 AM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16595
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I'm an Advocate

Bipolar or not, you should not be cheating. Five years is a long time to be together and you say you do this every year? Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want her cheating on you? You treat people the way you want to be treated. I'm sorry you are having trouble with this. I can't tell you if it's the mood or that you really aren't in love with her as much as you thought. You are really going to have to think about things. Getting closer to where you want to be in life is scary. You can make it work if you really want to, but things will have to change with you cheating on her. You sound too worried and I think you need to relax a little. You also have doubts. People doubt things all the time. You won't know it your lifestyle will work together until you do move in with each other. I hope that you get these issues resolved. You have a lot of thinking to do and I wish you both well in whatever you decide. Keep going to your psychiatrist and taking your medications. That is how you stay stable. Take the time to think about things though. There is a lot of support offered here, so I hope you keep posting. We are here to help.

05/06/2012 12:53 PM
mem2427

I can relate to you. However I think that a choice must be made about your situation with your girlfriend before you allow another cheating episode to occur. I think having BO can distort our thinking and can try to justify cheating, but really like Joy said it isn't fair to our significant others and we really need to pause and think about how we would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. This has helped me. I now think about my hubby and my kids before I get the urge to act out. It is really not fair to keep your girlfriend in limbo. Time to make some hard decisions.

05/07/2012 02:08 AM
Sawatdeekrup
Posts: 4
Member

I am doing a lot of hinking. I guess part of it is I felt stuck in a rut. I avoid most drinking situations and usually avoid drinking too much alcohol. I haven't cheated since I've been stable other then last week. I know everyone has experienced that feeling where everyday feels the same and your trying to find some new excitement. You almost start feeling claustrophobic and then suddenly everything calms down. I guess when I made that mistake I was a little hypomanic. It must of been triggered because I was worried about my future, grades and my final exams all at once. I wanted to feel something different and new. It's still not an excuse but its hard to turn down a temptation in this state of mind. Any tips on what you may do when your feeling like this?

05/07/2012 08:12 AM
hypnagogic
hypnagogic  
Posts: 2238
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I'm going on 17 years of being married. I met my wife when I was 14 - Freshman year in high school. It wasn't until 5 yrs later that we reconnected and had a 1.5 year engagement. She was my friend before we reconnected so it made everything much easier.

The mind is incredible. Thoughts, images, smells, can cause different kinds of memories. It seems guys are more image prone (from what I've studied). I know that I have several friends that are women and have not even once thought about cheating on my wife. For me, it's just (1) something that I would never think of, and (2) I trust these women and would not want to cause anything to mess up their relationships.

I don't understand seasonal mania for the mere fact that I am 99% in a mild manic. My symptoms never cease. I have some bipolar symptom that I'm dealing with every day of my life.

Being in a rut, yeah, that can happen in a relationship but the fun part is exploring new avenues and possibilities to make it more interesting, exciting, fulfilling, and worthwhile. I'm often reminded of part of a quote that goes something along like this, "It's not only marrying/being with the right partner. It's being the right partner."

Just some of my thoughts.


05/08/2012 10:27 PM
Sawatdeekrup
Posts: 4
Member

I have seasonal depression along with bipolar so my mood goes really low in the winter months and in the summer months I go manic. Thanks for the advice everyone.
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