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05/03/2012 08:12 AM

maybe it's just me

mlsmith6468
mlsmith6468  
Posts: 35
Member

maybe it's just me but I always feel insecure about the relationship I'm in. I know that my partner is faithful. I also know that she loves me dearly. Considering that she has borderline p.d, she is prone to basically not being consistent, which is what I need. I find myself worrying everytime she doesn't kiss me, or hug me, or say I love you before we fall asleep. I worry when she holds me at a distance. She and I have been through some rough patches, so on one hand I understand keeping me at arms length. But on the other hand I'm a little messed up from childhood and I simply require more affection than others. When I ask my partner for more affection, or let her know how I feel she always reasures me that everything is fine but nothing changes. When I don't get any affection I feel used, considering I am the one who pays rents, cleans the house, takes care of the cats, etc. A little gratitude from her would be nice...I concede I might be overemotional about these things. I'm having a hard time separating the facts from my emotions. Worry clouds my judgment and if I follow that I tend to cause fights. Sometimes I just feel like she hates me...
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05/03/2012 08:26 AM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4547
VIP Member

Hi -- Unfortunately Borderline Personality d/o can be extremely persistent and complicated. I think you are responding to her illness more than you think. You may even be enabling her. If you wanna dig deep, there's a book called "Walking On Eggshells" that might give you some insight. However, I think the title of the book is triggering and if she saw it she might get really upset. Like many of us, you may be feeling guilty about your own illness and inadequacies, making you feel obligated to put up with her inconsistencies. I think these inconsistencies are really throwing you off, and I don't blame you for feeling insecure and I don't think anyone would. Do you want to remain with these feelings? Your analysis may require a Pros & Cons list after researching her disorder. I wish you all the best and that you consider your right to a loving, secure, consistent relationship.

Zadie


05/03/2012 09:10 AM
mlsmith6468
mlsmith6468  
Posts: 35
Member

thank you for validating my feelings...I always love new books to read, I just ordered it online actually. My partner makes it feel as if I'm the only one with an illness that affects the relationship. I've read a lot about borderline and everything that I've read leaves me with a helpless feeling...

05/03/2012 03:54 PM
Dit
Dit  
Posts: 13712
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

It souns like you are trying hard to communicate with her, continue. Journalling helps me get my feelings out. You may want to see a therapist not sure if you are therapists have helped me sooo much with my relationships, took so much stress off me speaking to someone neutral, I wish you all the best.
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