Pushing away the people I love

Get yourself a pill box, leave it somewhere near where you are everyday, for me it is on the couch in the livingroom, we don't have kids, so I don't have to worry about them getting into it, I am on the couch in the mornings and evenings, so it's there in my face reminding me to take them, even then on occasions I do forget, mainly the morning dose, so I carry one with me at all times in a pill bottle on the end of my key chain, they have those cool little cannisters that you can get from most any drug store and some quik mart type stores..so if I forget, as soon as I remember, I can take them.

If you feel the mood coming on, walk away, get away for a bit till you are more able to get yourself under control, if you start saying something ugly, and catch yourself, shut up, don't say another word, beyond I am sorry I need to get my self under control, and walk away, till you have calmed down, it's not going to work all the time, you will probably like me have outbursts come on out of no where, I did..

But with therapy, and proper taking of your medications, you can get them under control to the point they almost don't happen anymore, I realized that my moods were out of control prior to getting diagnosed, hubby and I made a way that he could tell me that I was not being nice, he would shake a pill bottle at me letting me know I was being a bitch.. that was my clue to shut up..lol.. sometimes in the heat of the moment, telling us that we are being unfair bitches isn't the best thing they can do at the moment, so having a way that will get through to you, but not just add fuel to the flame works out well, sorry only works for a short time if we don't take steps to stop them from happening again.

You've got the start by getting your diagnosis, and having medications that you can take, just start making sure you take your meds, even if you have to have hubby give them to you twice a day.

He tries to do something when an outburst is starting...play guitar, go for a walk or something and I stay clear. Usually I tell him "I love you, but Im not going to be around you when you are like this, go calm down" and then I make myself scarce. Sometimes it works, other times he gets irate and its not pretty.

I know where you are coming from. I have to fight this feeling every day of my life. I have been taking meds for bipolar for 10 years now and I have been on every thing out there and still want to scream at people. I'm not married so the person I really take it out on is my mom (who is really my bestfriend) and my son's father. Sometimes I can't believe that words that come out of my mouth and to my mom of all people. I have sat there and was stunned at myself but to embarrassed to say sorry. I try and not to pull the bipolar card so people just see me as a bitch. I'm here for you when ever you want to talk. Because trust me I know how lonely it can be out there! Here are a few things I try every day.

1. write in a journal because the true feelings that you are feeling can be on paper instead of in someones face that you will end up hurting.

2. Write your highs and lows for the day. Only one per side. Then look at it and you always have something to be thankful for and your mood starts to see the positive instead of always the negative

3. Look at yourself in the mirrow and say and mean it TODAY WILL BE A GREAT DAY!

4. The last thing is my hardest every day! When something comes up and I feel like I'm going to explode or get angry I have to think about it. Can I change the outcome of this? HOw much is it really going to affect my life? If I can't change it then I can't get upset about it.

I know this all sounds pretty stupid but hey I'm just a 27 year single mom and I try and stay positive (TRY being the word) Because if I didn't do these things I don't want to see people, talk to people or leave my house!

So again, if you ever want to talk I'm here!

Lori

Post edited by: loveurheart, at: 01/29/2008 09:47

I post here and my spouse is bipolar, and he doesnt post here. It was SO helpful to me to read what people with bipolar are going through. I took his actions personal, I thought it was ME...and reading here helped me understand its the illness, not him, not me. It made it a little easier, plus i could share with other people like myself here too. If your hubby is interested, there are lots of us here!