Bipolar Support Group

I'm wild with grief. I'm hysterical because I can't think of a future without my mother both because of how close we are and because this already happened with my father when I was a kid and because we're financially dependent upon each other so when she dies I won't have anywhere to live. I can't even think about having a future without my head spinning with rage or fear or guilt or despair. I have a sister but can't ask her for help because she doesn't like me because I have psych problems.

I would ask my doctor for help with medication for this but I have to cut down on it, because after seven years it suddenly started causing me to pass out and black out. I've tried all other mania meds and they wouldn't work. Even what I'm taking now, Geodon, didn't work last time I was manic last winter.

A lot of this is so tangled and dark because when I was ten and my father was dying of the same exact cancer bad things happened that got stuck in me and I can't get rid of dark things in the past I buried coming up again.

I don't even know what question I have for advice but are there new bipolar meds? My doctor isn't any good but if I give him the name of a medication he'll give it to me because he doesn't pay attention. I'm trying to find a better psychiatrist because now is when I really need one but with my insurance it's hard.

I am so sorry about your mother and the turmoil you are in. It must be difficult to be wild with grief at the same time that you want to be there for her.

Please feel free to come here and talk. You and uyour mother are in my thoughts and prayers.

Here is a link for an alphabetical list of medications that includes antipsychotics at the top of the list that are available. This is just for your information. There are a lot out there, just wanted you to know you'd have some hope.

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/mental-health- medications/alphabetical-list-of-medications.shtml

Post edited by: uppitywoman, at: 04/27/2012 08:55 AM

The other thing that is extremely important to take care of is your present and future grief and the complicated feelings surrounding death (your father's) that you refer to. Please find a good licensed psychologist to work with and to support you. The time to this is now, not later. Your insurance company can also assist with this.

Post edited by: sarahtroy, at: 04/27/2012 10:27 AM

Things are complicated because I'm not even sure how to even articulate what's in my head; I have a very good therapist but I don't want to go partly because I don't know where to start and get so upset I end up with a migraine. And my pdoc is bad but even with a new pdoc the problem is that I'm not very good at tolerating medication and have strange reactions to things so I've tried almost everything already and I either have liver problems or rare potentially fatal reactions or joint pain so bad I can't walk. Geodon was the only medication that worked, until things changed. And they changed before I knew anything was wrong with my mother.

In two months I'll be on Medicare/Medicaid split so more doctors might be willing to take me. I feel sort of bad for posting because I don't even know what I'm saying, and how I feel changes from moment to moment and I don't even know which kind of medication I need to adjust or change. I don't know how to say what I need to say because I don't know what it is, but thank you for your comments.