Bipolar Support Group

Hi guys,

I had a bad experience when I got home from work last night. As soon as I was in the door I was crying, just wanting it all to be over. It had been a stressful day, and I couldn't calm down.

When I saw my counsellor on Thursday, she told me about the crisis line, how it's 24/7 and we talked about at what point you call. She said I could even do a "test" call, just to see how it goes. But I'm too nervous!

I had to really fight with myself the take the proper amount of medicine and just go to bed. I put on some music and lay under my covers shaking.

When I saw Lisa (counselor) she told me some of the things they do, either just talking to you and calming you down, or saying they'll meet you at the hospital or if it's serious, call the police.

I was too afraid she'd want me to go to the hospital. For some reason I have a huge stigma about having a hospital stay or emerg room visit as a result of my bipolar. And living in a small town, I know nurses, who know friends, who know my coworkers, etc.

When I was in university I took too many anti-depressants, not a suicide attempt or even near it, but I had to go to the hospital, and my nextdoor neighbour was the emerg nurse. I was mortified.

Does anyone know at what point they do that? Or anyone from a small town know what the fallout after a psych hospital stay is?

(I live in Canada so I dont have to worry about paying for hospital stays...not that that makes it easier for me at the moment)

Lots of people don't like hospital stays. As far as people who know you working at the hospital, I don't know about Canada but the US has privacy laws.

I guess there are both good and bad things about a big city and a small town.

There's been times when I should have been in hospital, but then I think about what I'd have to re-organise and get help for. Its like going to hospital is just way too hard. The hospitalisation is not a problem no matter who knows about it, its the number of people I'd have to ask for help and inconvenience, so I stay under the blankets and hide.

I guess what you need to think about is what's the really truly reason you're avoiding reaching out. I know its hard to be rational and practical when you're feeling like this. Worrying about the fall-out maybe a case of catastrophising (maybe not!?!) Its possible the fall-out could be minimal and aid a speedy recovery for you.

Something I've experienced in response to letting people about my mental health issues is that a lot of people feel willing to open up about how they're feeling and what they should do and how to get help. This could be the case for you too. If reaching out for help is what you need, then stretch out your hand and stand tall, don't be ashamed.

I think that when we reach the point of "should/shouldn't" we really do need to get help. There's always the feeling "I'm really not that bad", but its kind of like hitting your head against a brick wall, when you stop you realise how much it hurt!

I think you've said beforeyour parents are behind you. If you can, reach out to them. Look inside for what you need.

I hope I haven't preached, I mean to support and encourage. Whatever you choose is right. There's no 'wrong' there's just experience.

Thinking of you.

N

Porch, I'm sorry you had these feelings come over you. How awful for you to experience. I think you should call the crisis line when you are in a crisis like you were. They can help calm you down at least. I understand you not wanting everyone to know your business. If you really need help though and did need to go to the hospital then that would be your last concern. I am from a small town. I moved to the city and like it much better. I just didn't like the area. A lot of my family still lives there, so I do visit. It's hard being in a small town though, I know that. I hope that things are better by now. A crisis line could help you and so could the hospital. I just want you to be safe and secure. I don't like hospitals, but if I needed to go, I would. Please know that there is help out there for you. We all want you to be better and safe.

I'm sorry that you are suffering. I've called crisis lines and I've worked one. Their focus is on giving you what you need and keeping you safe. I don't believe that they force you to go to the hospital and probably only call emergency services if you are in dire straights.

As far as keeping your bipolar private, when I think back over the years, I realize that many people around me knew something was wrong with me before I even did. Especially colleagues. It's hard to hide erratic behavior from people who see you every day. My point is that many people have already accepted you as you are. If they find out it is bipolar, they will just finally have a name for it. Please don't let discovery keep you from getting the help you need.

I made it through okay, and am feeling not so serious as before. I was able to self soothe, which is a huge thing for me. I have another appointment on monday and I will bring that up with my therapist. maybe she has some ideas that would make it easier. She's one of the workers.

she told me I should call as a "test run" and she would let the other crisis people know. But because it's an on call thing, I don't want to bother anyone on their home time, if it's not really for anything.

I've agreed to let my parents know the next time it becomes so extreme. That is easier for me to do than call a crisis line. And if they think I need it, they would hopefully talk me into a agreeing, or calling for me. I'm extremely lucky to have them on my side.

It will all get better, I have to just keep telling myself that...

And another thing that I need to work on, is that I'm okay with most people knowing I'm bipolar, as long as they think I can deal with it no problem. Not much of an advocate I guess, but it's always been my way of "fighting the stigma..."

I have been in your situation recently. I first started talking to a good friend who was gracious to come over in the middle of the night just to sit and listen to me. Before calling my friend I was battling the voice in my head telling me that things would be much better for everyone if I just take all my prescription medications. After that night I was able to see my therapist, and she told me that she works to try and keep me out of the hospital, but will if she feels that I am in a position that she would feel that I would not be safe on my own. Use your support system. Where I live we have a crisis line but a warm line. You might want to see if there is a warm line, someone to talk to you before you get into crisis. Make sure that you also call your Psychiatrist as soon as possible so that he knows that you are having difficulties.

Post edited by: LeeAnneJ, at: 04/21/2012 05:56 PM

I'm glad you got through that. You must have been really scared. It's good that you were able to self soothe yourself. It's good that you will turn to your parents next time. I'm glad they are there for you and you feel comfortable with telling them. Having an appointment coming up is a good thing. Keep us posted on how you are doing this weekend.