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04/12/2012 07:42 PM

How to cope with my girlfriends manic episodes LD

CarlellyPosts: 9

Hi, I'm Carl and I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years. She's 17 and i'm 18. We've been best friends since we were 6 and 7 and have grown up along side each other for the most part since then. I seriously need help in dealing with her manic episodes, and constantly changing behavior.

Please don't skip over this post, just because of its size..

I'll type my backstory in bold if you want to skip it; I just feel this is important so you can really understand the situation:

If not nothing but cliche, We me each other on a playground. I was building a sandcastle which I was particularly proud of, and was standing there, admiring it with my head cocked sideways. I'd put a lot of effort into it, and was congratulating myself on the juice box gate,when a little girl(Averaged sized to me then) approached it. She knelt down, Looked at it and took a polly pocket(from her pocket) and placed it at the top, sat down in front of it and began singing lion king songs, as if this was an every day occurrence. This went on for about 10 seconds, until, faster than I could think, the castle came toppling down. With polly's head sticking out that top. The next second, I had a girl crying next to me, apologizing as if she'd killed my entire family. She frantically tried to put it back together,(Just making it worse) and continued to cry. All of this happened in about 20 seconds. It was around second number 23 I went over and hugged her and said "It's okay, we can make a new one. We can make it better this time". And we did. This castle had 2 juice boxes, far surpassing any sandcastle I made that week(Which is like a lifetime when you're 7). After that, I can summarize. We became "the bestest friends";

Now, I'll jump a few years in the future. For the most part, we stayed in contact. There were months we didn't talk but none in the last 6 years I've known her. We went through childhood together, and I can't even recall the amount of good memories I've made with her. Personality wise, we're exactly the same. And I think partially because we influenced each other growing up. She's had bipolar all her life, and it influenced the way she's acted toward others. Traumatic events in her early childhood also contributed. But, she never acted different toward me. Ever. She was mean to everyone else, but not toward me. We decided to start dating august 27, 2009. It was the best decision of my life. We continued to get alone incredibly, never fought, did lame cliche things together and overall I couldn't have been happier. Her mom has incredibly sever bipolar disorder, which is where she got it from. about 3 months ago, something horrible happened.

Her mom left her in an apartment alone with her sister for several months. This was.. A normal occurrence. Her mom was (And still is) horrible. But, we dealt with it then. I went to the store every 3 days and picked up her groceries, and we had a good routine. thie went on for 3 months. I practically lived with her, and still after 2 1/2 years, I wasn't the slightest bit tired of that beautiful face I've known for 10 years.

Randomly, one day, her mom came, and took her without warning. Forced her to come with her, to some city 400 miles away from me. She fought, but her mom resorted to threatening her with breaking my guitar to get her in the car...

Her mom was dating some "rich guy", who I found out was a registered sex offender. Her mom cut off all contact with me, for reasons I still don't know. The first night she was gone, it was the first night I didn't say goodnight to her in over 4 years. Even when we were just best friends we'd do say it. I knew where she was, because her mom told her the previous day to pack her things. She was texting me when her mom got there, and I was talking her through it. She's terrified of her mom. About, an hour later, I got a text from her telling me that her mom had her cornered in the bathroom, and took her phone. That was the last text I got from her for weeks.

In summary, Her mom did terrible things to try and get her to forget about me. Like mental, physical abuse. I honestly think it was because her mom was jealous that she loved me and absolutely despised her. Her mom took everything from her, and sold it. And told her she's no more than property, until she's 18. Her mom told her I left, and she believed her. And my baby, tried to kill herself. She almost succeeded too. She overdosed, and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks. I still couldn't talk to her. For so long, we used to get through these situations together, and I couldn't talk her through any of it. We've always gotten through so much together. And.. The pain from her trying to kill herself is still pretty fresh in my mind. I felt so betrayed, and abandoned. All of what we went through, and the promises we made that we'd never give up no matter what.. And she does, just like that. I always knew she was psychologically unstable, but it never made me love her any less.

I've always been willing to do whatever it takes to put a smile on her face. After the hospitals.. She continued to fight against her mom, who didn't change one bit. She became more physically abusive until one day... Her mom just gave up (Or so she said) and told her to go live with her uncle.

So, I guess we're pretty much in the present now.

She got away from her horrible mom, and is not getting to live a pretty normal life with her uncle.

Her uncle is a good guy. I really like him, and I know she's better off with him. Her mom had also kept her out of school for 2 years, to get more child support money out of her and her sister. She's going to school now. And she's living a pretty normal life. One problem i do have with it, is that she now lives 4 states away from me. About 1200 miles. I've seen her once since all of this started.

She acts different now. I feel like I lost her. But, the worst part is..(at least the most painful), There's times where she's completely like her old self again. So, I get into a false sense of security and treat her like I used to. We get along, until she snaps and goes manic. On me. She never did that. She's never once done that. She's always been able to handle it talking to me. When I saw her, we had just as amazing of a time as we always have. She said, because when I'm there, she feels safe and feels real happiness. But, if I'm not she feels like I'm fake. Long distance, isn't exactly agreeing with us.

But that's an understatement. She's been getting so frantic. She says she has such little confidence. We had this agreement, that we both hated makeup and she was better than wearing it. Because, I truly hate makeup. And, she's been getting mad at me for being bothered that she's wearing it. She's been breaking promises constantly, and treating me terribly. One promise broken, after another. Ones she's kept for years. And then, when I'm not okay with it, I'm horrible. And... I actually tried breaking up with her. I can't believe I did but.. When It came down to it, she literally begged me crying to stay. She apologized for everything. That she doesn't know how to control her emotions anymore. And, She promises me she'll do whatever she can to make it up to me.

And within hours of making the promise, she breaks it again and blew up about something small.. And then broke more promises. Manic. Manic. Manic. I can't take it.

She's also always had panic attacks. And, Usually I'd be the one to help her through them. I always could so easily. And now, It seems like nothing can help.

She apologizes. And I know she means it. I know she loves me. I know she wants to be okay. She doesn't trust therapists because of an incident (of friggen course) and her body rejects every medication under the sun, so she's on herbal supplements which do... Nothing.

She used to do everything imaginable to make me happy. Back when we had little fights before, she did something to make it up to me.

Now, it's too much to ask for her to even be nice.

I've been trying everything I can to help. I tried giving her space. I didn't talk to her for a week. At least.. That was the plan. And she agreed to it, and that it would be a good idea. And... Less than 8 hours later, she called me back frantically begging me not to leave her and crying and telling me how scared she was. And, I was talking to her. Not just some other manic sides.. I knew her when she was legit sad.

And.. I told her I'd stay. And things went good for 2 days, but.. She started being mean again. Breaking promises. Every night, we settle things. And then the next day, she's manic. Frantic. Superficial, and fake. And I have to point it out to her. She acts like her mom. It's so frightening this change could happen so fast..

I've been making her "weekly worksheets", which are basically just ways to get her emotions out.. In a worksheet format.. Because that's how she pays attention best. And, it helped for awhile but now she just doesn't do them. I have questions about her emotions in them, so I can find out what's wrong. Like "1. what's bothering you, and why" and... Diagrams and charts so she can keep track of her feelings.

We used to be this dedicated to each other all the time. For years.. And I only fell more in love with her.. And I knew she loved me.. Of course she did. We've been through so much. She's just.. Apart of me now. Like family, if that makes sense. And, I don't want to lose her. I love her, and I'm not planning on ever leaving her. There's no one like her. We made up an alien species together, and we're the only two left.. which is our backstory we've developed for years. We made a language, and have code words for everything imagineable. This isn't a cliche case of a high schooler falling in love and just being confused. Not for me at least. I never for one second felt anything was fake about her. Is it? Was she fake for all those years?

What's it like being manic. Why is she doing this to me? Please, someone just help me find ways to help her. I've tried... Everything I can think of. Giving her space, suggesting we take a break, asking what she wants... Just.. So much. And it ends up the same way. Her being mean, then apologizing. And she hasn't been herself. Maybe this is her? Maybe I've never actually known her? I can't comprehend how this girl, I've been so close with for so long can change like this...

And one thing, that really has me bothered...

I've never once in my life, been the clingy type of guy. This entire relationship, she's been the clingy cliche girlfriend who wants nothing more than to be around me. And.. She was herself when I saw her. What do I do!?>?!jldsj grjskfdsjgk

And, I made the conclusion in my mind that she feels no matter what she does, I'll always come back because I always have. But, I can't just abandon her. So, don't suggest that... It doesn't ever end.. Sane.

She's never broken promises before. Never hurt me. For years and years and years and years And now, She's.. This. I can't even begin to describe how heartbreaking it is. There's just so much here.. I'm sorry this is so long. And I hope that doesn't stop anyone from helping me.

Thank you for reading this,

And any advice or anything would be appreciated.

I can answer any questions too, so feel free to ask.

Thank you again



04/13/2012 02:22 PM
CarlellyPosts: 9


04/13/2012 02:30 PM
Posts: 2852
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I'm sorry that the person you care for is going through so much and so are you. Does she see a doctor? A therapist? Is she bipolar or do you just think she is?

04/13/2012 02:36 PM
CarlellyPosts: 9

She's been diagnosed.

She's acting .. Like.. Exactly like her mom now. The mood swings, and irrational decisions associated. Not the same things, but different things with the same intent.

She's tried to see therapists, but she doesn't truth them. She thinks they're all against her. Which, seems a tad bit true considering I saw one yelling at her once.

I admit she's difficult.. But I never understood till now. I've never been on this side before. I'm like, an enemy now.

She's been on medications. She's rejected them all though. She has so many allergies.

04/13/2012 03:55 PM
Posts: 16593
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I commented on your other post. I'm really sorry that this is happening in your life.

04/13/2012 04:02 PM
CarlellyPosts: 9

Yes, And I thank you for that..

It's good to see there's a surprising amount of people in a similar situation.

05/08/2012 06:02 PM
CarlellyPosts: 9

It continues to go on..

Maybe, someone else could stumble upon it this time..

I appreciate any help anyone can provide

05/08/2012 06:29 PM
Posts: 29

This post struck a cord with me. I can be her even on medication. Borderline Personality Disorder( I know a scary label) was added to my Bipolar 1 Diagnosis. I am not one to educate on it. I was told that from having an abusive childhood physically and mentally brought on this "trait". It is all about emotional regulation. The I love you, I hate you, dont leave me is the classic sign. There is a book titled that about Borderline Personality. I am no doctor, I am just relating to her.

I see how much you care for her. She has had a rough time I see also. I am just starting therapy AGAIN~I have trust issues too. The only way to help me with my borderline in relation to the PTSD is to go through extensive therapy. It will allow me to learn to think and live life the way I was to be shown the first go around growing up. This has not been easy.

My husband was at his wits with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He eventually went to a therapist to learn coping skills to learn to deal with me day in and day out. He too loves me yet finds it difficult to communicate with me. Have you ever thought about seeking a counselor for your own sanity? I know that sounds blunt..but you do have to take care of you during this process of support.

~hugs to you~

05/08/2012 07:29 PM
CarlellyPosts: 9

I have thought about seeing a therapist or some sort of emotional support whatever.. But, It just doesn't work for me.

The fact that all that trust and being so close would disappear, Is the biggest blow for me I think.

When I say we shared everything, we shared Everything.

Every possible small detail. And now it's just so different. I think the only support I need should be from people I don't know in real life, honestly.

The terrible part, is I have much of the same things...

I have anxiety, OCD and bipolar(Diagnosed) and, I've come up with various coping methods for all of them. Without medication. Actually, "we" came up with them.Me and her. And, now the methods we came up with together, that were so effective are like.. Foreign to her.

We've had the same ones for years. It's such a dramatic change.

Change is my biggest fear,And I'm terrified.

05/08/2012 08:12 PM
Posts: 202

you change every day, dont be afraid of change change is good and you cant stop it. you need to find strength in your self first before you can be of any help to her. You really should consider seeking help to do this even if it means you read about bi polar until its as familiar as the back of your hand, ask questions of people you know would have the answers and if you dont believe their advice check the info given by way of your book or google has been my favorite. Funny thats how I found mdjuction lol I googled my question and this is where I found my answer Smile true story. I personally read about bi polar often keeping my understanding alive helps my nerves. this is just another coping method in the making, you'll be ok just do your research ask a lot of questions and dont for any reason forget to breath

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