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04/09/2012 06:15 AM

My dad has a serious problem and refuses help :(

Posts: 2

Hi everyone,

I would really like some help with the situation I am in with my dad.

I am a 15 year old girl with a father who has bipolar and depression.

As a young girl back to the age of about 9 I can remember the yelling and swearing of dad to mum. I can remember quite a lot of times where mum has ended up in bed crying her eyes out because of the hurtful things dad has said. Basically, anything not done or said the way he wants or thinks is right is wrong, as deserves being cranky about. As I became older it all got worse and I also would end in tears because of dad.

It wasn't long till I moved to high school at the age of 11/12 that dad became really bad. His moods would be like a roller coaster and it constantly made the house hold upset or cranky. Mum couldn't take it one day and after one huge fight when I was 12 dad told me they were splitting up. I cried and cried so he decided to change his mind.

As more and more fights and arguments happened and the fact of me growing up and maturing dad and I began to clash really really bad. I was suddenly being the reason for everything, why mum and dad argue, why he's grumpy. It took my confidence to the ground and made me upset a lot of the time. The worst part was you could never be prepared his outbursts just happened. Dad only worked and then would sit on the couch, in the dark by himself when he wasn't.

It came to the point where mum had finally had enough and forced him to go to a doctor about it. The doctor diagnosed him with bipolar and depression. He was also put on medication. He then continued to visit this doctor quite regularly and he seemed to be a lot happier, his outbursts decreased dramatically and the hold house was happier. Until he decided they were making him drowsy which lead him to saying that people like that can't tell him what to do and that there is nothing wrong with him, therefore quitting the medication and everything becoming worse. Again.

In around September last year it was unbearable and we couldn't take it anymore. Mum packed up all the important stuff we had while he was still sleeping, of course, picked me and my brother up from school and drove us interstate away from him. She also told us not to answer any of his calls or texts. That night mum finally answered his call and I was sitting with her and could hear everything, the worst possible things and words he could come up with to say to mum. Swearing and telling her he's divorcing her and that he is going to make it the hardest and most painful thing she will go through. Then he spoke to me and swore and called me a million mean and hurtful things. Anyway, to cut to the point days later he called back crying telling mum she has to come home because he's going suicidal and all this. Mum of course, guilted into coming home.

This year I have seen councilling to try and help me get around dad as best as I can. The councillor told me that if this all keeps going on I could be really mentally stuffed up and also become depressed. I have had days I've cried to my friends because I am way to scared to even come in my own house to him. I have almost gotten out of a car screaming and crying with him at a set of lights because of the way he was towards me. He acts like he's the hero and only my family knows what it's like, I just can't do this anymore. It makes my life so difficult and hard and I feel like I have to be so worried about everything I do or say in case I get in trouble even when I am not with him. I really need some help please.

I would just like to add he is an extremely heavy smoker, and I would wish for him to do something about it but he won't.

Sorry it was so long, I just kept going and going. I had to let everything out.

Post edited by: adgjkl, at: 04/09/2012 06:23 AM


04/09/2012 07:04 AM
Posts: 2852
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

It's a shame that your dad can't see how peaceful and good things are when he is on his meds. He can always talk to his doctor about the meds making him drowsy. I had that problem and my doctor changed the time of day I took one med and added another and I don't have this problem anymore. If he communicates the drowsiness with his doctors a med change or rearrangement could help.

I am so sorry you are caught in the middle of this. It must be very hard for you to not have your home or family feel like a haven of rest. Please continue to see the councilor so you can have an outlet and have help for yourself.

You sound very strong and mature for being only 15. I wish I had a wand to wave to make this go away. All I can tell you is that un-medicated our moodswings feel awful and while your father should take more responsibility, try not to take them personally if you can. Feel free to vent here anytime you need. We will listen.

04/09/2012 08:03 AM
Posts: 16593
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

How sad for you. I'm sorry your father is this way. He really needs to be on medication for sure. Especially since he was doing so much better on them when he took them. The right medications wouldn't make his drowsy or he could take something to counteract the drowsiness. He should not be treating you this way. He is taking things out on you and your family that shouldn't be. Talking that way to you is unacceptable. I don't know what to tell you besides if he would get back on his medications he would get better. Until he does that, he will probably act the way he is. You can come here anytime you want and talk with us. We will be here to support you. Keep going to your counselor. It's good for you. You have a professional to talk to and this is a good thing. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. If you have any questions, please ask. I hope things get better for you. You are very mature for your age. Know you are in my thoughts and anytime you would like to talk, we are all here.

04/09/2012 10:34 AM
Posts: 3068
VIP Member

Anyone would have thought we lived similar lives. At least you know why your dad behaves the way he does. Mine is too much of an arrogant prick to admit anything was wrong, even when mum took us to a womens refuge after one of his outbursts. Mum had picked him up from the pub cause he had too much to drink, my bro and sis were only little and in the backseat of the car, dad got angry over something and threw a trophy out of the car then demanded mum stop to pick it up. he then smashed in the back window of the car and needed hospital treatment. I was upset cause I thought he might do something to hurt my dog and cat. It got blamed on the alcohol. I know he had to go to court about the incident but that was all. No idea on the charge or the consequence. Not sure if things got better for us for a while after that but i do know they eventually got worse.

his behaviour growing up is the reason my bro and I moved out as soon as we could. My sister was more like mum and seems to let it all wash over her.

Having been in a similar situation all I can say is hang in there and look after yourself, work with your councellor and get yourself out of that environment as soon as you can. Why your mum took your dad back is a reason only those 2 know I guess, same with mine.


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