Bipolar Support Group

I am having a very difficult time trying to understand my fiancée. I have a daughter that is bipolar and I truly believe that my fiancée is as well. Knowing what I have gone thru with my daughter I can see the same behavior in my soon to be husband. How do you get the person you love to go and seek help or just get a diagnostic from a professional dr? I walk on egg shells all the time with him. He drinks heavily to self medicate. He is verbally abusive and physical as well. Anytime we have a "blow up" he tells me it's all my fault and that my son ans I have to move out knowing we have no place to go. He is in one of his moods since yesterday. I love him soo much and always know that these moments will only last for a few days . Any suggestions anyone? when he is "normal" life is great and wonderful, but when it's bad....it's the worst feeling ever

Hi coolmom,

Your post leads to a lot of different questions. First of all, if your fiancee hasn't been diagnosed by a psychiatrist, we can't tell you if you are right. Borderline personality disorder also has symptoms similar to bipolar disorder. I know a book written about borderline personality disorder is called Stop Walking On Eggshells. If your daughter has bipolar disorder you must know the symptoms, so I'm not doubting you, just saying, we aren't shrinks, so we can't tell you if he has it.

Second, unless you are willing and able to leave the relationship and give him an ultimatum that unless he goes to see a psychiatrist, you are leaving him, I don't think you are going to be able to make him go. Someone has to acknowledge that they have a problem and want help with it. It doesn't sound as if he will do that.

Third, if he is verbally and physically abusive, why do you want to stay with him? I don't think that's a great environment for your son and you to be in. Could you go and stay at a friend's or family member's home???

Another suggestion would be to look into Al-Anon. They are a support group for families of problem drinkers. They also might have better resources for you in your area if you need to get out of your home situation in a hurry.

It sounds like you are in a tough situation. You have my sympathy. My ex was very verbally abusive and its been 2 years since we broke up and I still don't want to go out with anybody for fear of finding another one just like him. Best of luck, Maria

That must be so hard for you feeling like this, especially as your about to get married. It sounds like ur fiance really needs to seek help. Does he only get angry and out of control when he drinks? It may or may not be bipolar, its not an easy thing to diagnose when there is heavy drinking going on as that in itself can lead to massive mood swings. Whatever the problem is, it needs to be sorted or its going to ruin things for everyone involved. You cant be expected to put up with this. I personally would talk to him when he is in a good mood and sober. If he refuses to see there is a problem and wont seek help then you need to ask yourself if you can live with him whilst he is like this. My heart goes out to you, i cant imagine how awful this must be.

Coolmom... I feel for you!!! I am emotionally in that same place... My husband is bipolar (no drinking, thank god) Do you remember the old Mother Goose poem "There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead, and when she was good, she was very very good, and when she was bad, she was horrid"?. That is what I think of when I think of my husband... I have to agree with the level heads here on the forms... Abuse is NEVER okay! You know this. Is he getting treatment, is he on meds? Is this ever going to be a better situation? If today was the best it was going to get... would this be what you want for the rest of your life? and for your son as well... I feel for you coolmom.. your heart wants what your heart wants...but let your head have a say in this too.

I just don't want to give up on him. I know this is unfair to my son....completely aware . He has a month and a half of school left and would like for him to finish it out instead of taking him out and transferring to another school. He also has a job that is close by where we live. I just received bad news yesterday from my boss. He shut down the coffee shop where I was employed and now I no longer have a job. My family lives about an hour away and really has no room for us to stay. No job ...no money...stuck!

We did go to therapy for a short time and when things started to come out he bailed. He has admitted that there is a problem but has never done anything about it. I told him the other day therapy or nothing....he said nothing I am done! This has happened before and then he goes back to normal for awhile. He has a lot of freedom so he goes and hangs out with his buddies most of the day but is always at home in the early afternoon. He does not fight around his son when he has him, but does not respect me and my son when his boy is with his mother. I feel like I'm going crazy. He always blames me for the arguments. I was married to my children's father and he was abusive. I told myself I would never let this happen again. I have been divorced for over 10 years. I met my soon to be husband and he never showed any signs until I moved in with him. Every time I find a job he finds reasons why I have a horrible job and that I made a wrong choice . I have lost myself trying to make this work

Coolmom... everything you say...says, this is no good... Of course this is driving you crazy, because you know it shouldnt be this way, and it isnt going to change.. that would drive anyone crazy!! You dont deserve to be treated like this. Youre not even married to him.. what do you think that is going to make things better?? Its a lot harder getting out of a bad marriage than it is getting into one. I am so sorry you lost your job, this economy is so rough.. but if your family is supportive and will help you get yourself back on your feet... go there. I am in the same boat with my son just having to finish school, and he has to drive there from about 45 mins away.. it aint easy.. but it is worth more than having to stay in a hurtful relationship. What does your son say about all this.. what would he rather see you do?

He should not be treating you and your son this way whether he has bipolar or not. Its' unacceptable. I'm sorry you lost your job and I hope you find one real soon. Does he not work? How is he able to spend the day at his buddies houses? The only way he will get help is if he wants it sorry to say. I know you love him, but you can't force him into getting help. It won't work. Some people just think there isn't anything wrong with them. Hopefully someday he will recognize that something is wrong and get help. Since he is abusive, I'd get out of there. He isn't treating you or your son very well at all. Maybe that would cause him to get help, I don't know, but you shouldn't be taking this treatment. I know you don't want to give up on him, but you do need to think of your son. You can do whatever you want, I'm just giving my opinion. I hope you keep safe and know that we are here to support you.

He is on fence as well, but likes his school and job. I have no family support. I am all alone in this.

There are shelters, there are churches, there are places to go for women who need help, like you... you dont have to be stuck, honey... see whats arpund you// call your local township and ask them where you can go for help.../ No one has to or should live like that.. and you are not alone.. there are lots of people here, who might not be able to put a roof over your head, will give you their love and support... we are on your side!!! BIG HEART WARMING HUGS!!!!