MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
03/11/2012 05:45 AM

Being understood by our loved ones!

LaurenCat
LaurenCat  
Posts: 483
Member

Why do the people closest to us sometimes have such trouble understanding and supporting us?

I have been married to my husband for 4and a half years, and he still wont support me woth the bipolar.

He thinks that if I take my meds I should be "normal". He is not a stupid person, and he has read extensively about bipolar, and he still has no clue. Every time I try to talk to him about it we end up arguing.

I am tired and not in a great space at the moment.

He also dissaproves of the forum, he says we all just feed off each others misery and symtoms and find more ways to act out!

At a loss as to how I can get this accross to him.

Reply

03/11/2012 05:51 AM
ishy
ishy  
Posts: 54
Member

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have schizophrenia my parents are in denial I have it. I don't mind taking them to my pdoc but they don't think she is very competent and think she is the one with the problem, not me. I am fed up with them not understanding. Now my pdoc thinks I have hypomania and my parents still can't see it in me. They think I've been reading too much into symptoms and am now acting them out. I'm starting to agree. I don't know if bipolar is real or not anymore.

03/11/2012 06:06 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6818
Group Leader

I don't know why the people closest to us sometimes have such a difficult time accepting/understanding that we have bipolar disorder. I sometimes wonder if it's because, deep in their hearts, they don't want to admit that there is something "wrong" with us. Our parents may feel that it would somehow be their fault if there's something "wrong" with us. Just a thought.

03/11/2012 07:20 AM
basque
basque  
Posts: 47
Member

My Ex's sister had this input;

They were raised to see Bipolar as an excuse, not an illness. They are ignorant of the truth and do not wish to learn.

I think that attitude is too prevalent...


03/11/2012 09:22 AM
LaurenCat
LaurenCat  
Posts: 483
Member

I think that you have a point basque. my husband is a magistrate, and he has even remarked on the fact that it is an explanation for our behaviour, not an excuse.He won't accept it as an excuse in court. That I can accept, I just want him to understand HOW I feel, and try to help me through the rough patches instead of bringing me down even further.You would think that an intelligent man would be 'smarter'.

Ishy and catbaloo, my parents have very little input, my dad is bipolar, but has never gotten help for it, I refuse to put my family through that, I will be as stable as I can be for them.They seem supportive when i have an 'episode' but I live quite a way from them, and I left home at 17. I have never asked them how they feel about it?


03/11/2012 09:57 AM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16593
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

It's hard for people without bipolar to understand because they don't experience it. I think it's great that he has read about bipolar. Communication is very important. Maybe you could sit down calmly together and you can tell him exactly how you feel. You could also write him a letter telling him how you feel and that you need his support. That you are not acting out. I'm sorry that he thinks this support group isn't good. I feel it is good. I don't think of us as feeding off each other's symptoms. Maybe explain to him that the forum helps you and teaches you more about the bipolar. I hope that he comes to support you soon. You do have us, but I know it's not the same as in real life. You will be in my thoughts.

03/11/2012 11:31 AM
LaurenCat
LaurenCat  
Posts: 483
Member

Thanks Joy, That means alot, maybe a letter will work, maybe an e-mail then he can readit at work. In his own space. I also think the group is good, especially if you don't have support at home. It is great to be able to say just what you want too and need to without the fear of judgment.

03/11/2012 01:11 PM
mem5841

I fell for you I am having the same problem to an extent, but mine was cuz all the meds would me me not want to do anything plus the anxiety. I am forcing myself to go out more wiht him it helps. And he dont think IM bi-polar anyway no one does. He wants me off meds thats why I am only taking lamotringe now. I posted here about stopping meds, so I can feel again and be happy not a freaking living depressed zombie anymore. Its hard for anyone to understand what we feel. My husband just gets irrateted cuz I am always tired...cuz of MEDS>>>>Thats why Im aint taking no seroquel or any of that crap anymore. I wish I could make you feel better..another thing my husband goes woht me to my pdoc and my therapist once in a while and he still dont get it. I mean he does to a point but thats it...AND HE HATES when I go on here..He thinks it makes me worse and paranoid when I tell people I just want to live again and not be medicated to the point of a zombie. Becasue everyone tells you not to go off meds, but I think it depends of the person and how severe their bi-polar is.

03/11/2012 03:35 PM
centerseeker
centerseeker  
Posts: 2852
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

My husband seems to think meds are an instant cure-all too. I think they make me zillions of times better but I still have days and he just doesn't get it. If I have had a depressed day and he comes home and the house is a mess he gets mad. I will explain that I was low, that all the energy had went to my two year old as I believe it should, and he will not understand. He'll say I thought the meds take care of that.

I just think it is hard for them to understand because it looks, from the outside, like we should just be able to walk it off.

I am sorry you are not in a great place righty now. I hope things improve for you and that you are able to get more understanding from your husband.


03/11/2012 03:36 PM
LaurenCat
LaurenCat  
Posts: 483
Member

My husband would be very upset if I went off my meds. That is something he is very strict about. He makes sure that I take them.When we met I was off meds and flying high. Partying, going out, drinking and having a lot of fun, but then as usual I crashed badly. Ended up in a care facility for 10 days. That scared him! He actually broke off our relationship cause he didnt think he could cope with me.

But then my pdoc put me on meds again, and I was in therapy for a short while. The meds do make me tired, but not sleepy, I suffer terribly from insomnia.

I also miss the 'fun me' the party girl.

I hardly go out at all anymore, I pick up kids from school, and and run errands, that's about it. he and I go out for dinner about once every six weeks, and I entertain close friends about every six weeks. I prefer being at home surrounded by my own space.

He doesn't mind this as he has a high pressure job and deals with people all day, so he likes just relaxing at home in the evenings.

So it is meds for me, and hopefully I don't 'think' I can stop them again.

I just wish I could get him to understand how I feel inside, and how hard it is to maintain stability. Some days I just want to stop the meds so I can go out and party and laugh and do wild things again, but then my common sense kicks in and I realize that I have to maintain for the sake of my children and my marriage.

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved