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02/29/2012 06:23 PM

what to do?

forbamidele
Posts: 9
Member

I just spent the whole day having a back and forth via email with my bp ex boyfriend.am exhaussted right now but more confused than ever. After two months of silence I got a very abusive email which I ignored for a few days then decided to reply. He was trying to get me to curse back at him but i basically told him I was focused on healing and growth and was not interested in going back to the negative patterns that were characteristic of our relationship and thaf if he was going to continue being abusive then not to contact me.

Well that changed the tone of evrything coz he did not curse at me thereafter. He just went on to say I am fully and totally to blame for the end of our relationship. I was not perfect either but pointed out to him instances that were turning points and the beginning of the end. He said they were just excuses on my part while i told him they were reasons to me.

Today he tells me he continues to hate me and will do so forever. He then shad he still loves some of my extendedcfamily and misses them but not me. He also says I have a personality problem and am a horrible person and everyone hates me. He said I reason like a child and a slew of other insults aimed at bringing me down.

At least I was happy to hear he gave up drinking and is on his meds now.in fact after a while the conversation with him became bearable and somewhat caring.The problmm now is I feel I still love him. I have gone on dates with at least two other people and everytime thinking of him. I still love him despite all these bp issues, him harassing and texting me on line and even after being so mean to me.

I'm beginning to believe I might have the codependency problem because I just cant seem to let this one go. Its affected my health because ive lost over 10 pounds since the breakup which is not good because im already skinny now I just look anorexic.

Im really hurting today and I cant master the energy to get out of bed. Am crying and dying to hold him in my arms and he has told me he wants nothing to do with me but om pretty sure in a couple of months he will call again and we will be going af it again. I feel like I'm held captive by the strong feelings still left behind after the aftermath of our relationship. I don't know where to go from here. Please advise.

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02/29/2012 07:02 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16686
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

I'm sorry you are hurting this way. Since he is just now getting back on medications, he could be having an episode or, he could just be a jerk. It does sound like there is some codependency going on. It's not nice at all to tell you that he hates you and that makes you feel even worse. Don't take his abuse. In a couple of months when he tries to contact you, don't get back to him. If it's the bipolar, it will get better with medications, but who knows if he will stay on them this time. I think it is good that he quit drinking. That is a positive. Take care of yourself though. You are becoming a wreck with you not eating. It's not worth it. I know it hurts, but you will be fine in time. You do what you want, this is just my opinion. I'm glad you are reaching out. We're here to support you. Welcome to the group! You may also want to check out the bipolar spouses support group while you are here. Take care of yourself.

02/29/2012 07:17 PM
Followme
Posts: 95
Member

Oh gosh I can relate to your story so much. I too have been without my bp boyfriend for near 2 months. Just hang in there, and don't "drink his kool-aid", your stronger than you know. I know how you hurt, I was there to, and still love my boyfriend for who he was, not what he became and know there is someone better for me. It's hard, very hard but you can do it. If he is only contacting you every two months or so do you think he's wasting time and energy thinking of you? Probably not, so don't give him such energy to do this to you. (((((Hugs)))))

02/29/2012 07:20 PM
forbamidele
Posts: 9
Member

Thank you so much for your insight. It means so much to come here and be able to pour my true feelings out because none of my friends or family members will let me talk about him. They are just happy he is out of my life. I was doing ok till the email. I will try harder to take care of myself...thanks for reaching out.

02/29/2012 07:54 PM
Followme
Posts: 95
Member

Well it's a good place to be, it helped me an awful lot not even understanding his words and actions with the bp. When I came here I felt SO not alone with learning and support.

My family to is happy he's out of my life, and I only vent to my mom occasionally. They probably don't want you to talk about him, because one they just want to forget him and two, they want YOU to. Talking about him probably gets you very emotional, and they see that maybe? The first few weeks were the hardest for me, I was dwelling and thinking about him, and wasting my time and energy. Then I started to "re-think" my mind, to not let myself get there, and to think of all the hurt he caused me. When I would start to, I pictured a big STOP sign in my mind (someone once told me it worked), and it did. I focused on something productive for myself, not harming.


02/29/2012 08:58 PM
forbamidele
Posts: 9
Member

I just sent what I hope will be the last email and asked that he should not contact me at all. I just told him its not healthy for both of us and that if he feels the urge to lash out at me due to sudden feelings of rage ,( this is the reason he gave me when i asked why he had suddenly contacted me) , that he should vent to some one else and not me.

02/29/2012 09:25 PM
Followme
Posts: 95
Member

forb, block him, that is what I resorted to do, it is healthy for both of you, especially you. I can totally understand you, my ex had me on a hell of a rollercoaster with the love/hate issues, it was draining.

02/29/2012 10:58 PM
youngfilly
youngfilly  
Posts: 3068
VIP Member

I too would block him. Been in a similar situation but stopped it before it got to your point, tho he did wait at my trainstation one day.

Creeped me out because by train he lived about an hr away or more. He said he changed but he didn't I could see it in 5 seconds when he didn't even ask me how I was. He told me how I messed things up for him but he was not as bad as your guy. I made it clear then that he was not to contact me again and if and when he tried I ignored him.

Good news is he has gone from my life for good. His power came from getting him to talk to him.


02/29/2012 11:27 PM
Followme
Posts: 95
Member

Agree youngfilly.....when he emailed I just had to answer to get my feelings out, my point across, my defense to his. Only egged him on and he knew I would respond...eventually. So I had to block so I didn't even see it.

03/01/2012 11:51 AM
forbamidele
Posts: 9
Member

Followme,yes that's what it is, this need to get my point across.I had decided long ago that I would ignore any message from him but the latest one was too tempting to leave cos i wanted to have thelast word. Anyway I have just blocked him today cos enough is enough. I need my self, sanity and life back!

Post edited by: forbamidele, at: 03/01/2012 11:59 AM

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