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02/03/2009 02:39 PM

Please give me some feedback.

Posts: 7

I am new to this site and I am here for support. My long distance bf is bipolar and seems to be going through a bad episode, doesn't help that there is a lot of stress going on with his life.

I don't know if things are going to work out for us. I have my first individual therapy appointment tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. He has literally sucked the life out of me.

My boyfriend was really cruel to me the last time we spoke on Sunday. He stated that he doesn't love me, that he is used to me. He said everything is a calculation in reference to any questions I would ask him. As I cried on the phone he said that he didn't know what he was supposed to feel because I was crying. He followed that by asking, how does it feel to cry? What do you feel? He stated he couldn't relate and that he wished I felt like he did with no emotions. (He is not medicated). My question is the following: If you are going through an episode is this a genuine feeling to not feel empathy or compassion at all? After this episode fades is he going to remember or regret this awful things he said to me?

I have chosen to just cut off all communication with him for now. I feel really bad because I feel like I am abandoning him but at the same time I cannot take any more emotional abuse. His bday is friday and I plan on emailing him to wish him a happy bday. Am I doing the right thing by letting him ride this episode out? I dont know if we will be together in the future but I do love him dearly and it truly hurts me to see him like that. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Smile


02/03/2009 02:45 PM


02/03/2009 02:54 PM
Posts: 31179
VIP Member

I don't know what advise to give to you. I am BP and do not have bad manic episodes anymore. There are other people here that are better suited to help you out. Welcome to the group.

02/03/2009 03:23 PM
Posts: 1075
Senior Member

I think when someone is going thru a fit like that, you can only do as much as you can without it being harmful to you. i know that there is a degree of being so depressed that people dont have any emotions, they just feel numb. i get that way sometimes. if it was my boyfriend and me, i would never want to bring him down, i've told him if i ever get too much, to let me go do my thing to get out of it and just be there as much as he can without draining himself. no one deserves to be bought down, no matter how much they love someone. some things you got to do alone.

02/03/2009 03:44 PM
Posts: 7

Thank you for your feedback. Its good to know that I am not alone in my experiences. He told me as he was saying this that we should break up. I refused to give up on him though. The next day after a long night of crying I decided that I needed to work on me. It hurts me not to be there for him but I keep on telling myself that right now I would do more harm then good talkin to him. He probably doesn't care that I have disappeared but I need to take care of me. I truly hope he comes out of this episode but I will be honest when I say I dont know if I can continue to do this to myself. I wish he would not have been so mean and I keep on saying to myself its not me and that's no what he really means but I cant help but hurt right now.

Thanks again for your feed back guys

02/03/2009 06:11 PM
normaPosts: 10109
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

4getmenot...i think you are smart to get some counseling and distance yourself from him for a while. Sounds like he doesn't have empathy for the pain he is causing you.

I hope therapy can help you to make some decisions on where you want this relationship to be headed.

02/04/2009 05:34 AM
Posts: 404

Co-dependency is a hellava drug, very addictive and all consuming.

I have tried to save many girls who exhibit bizzarre behaviors.

You know the old "Captain Save-A-Ho!!" syndrome? lolGrin

I am not making fun of you at all, I'm laughing at myself here.

Don't feel like you are abandoning him because he feels nothing for you and doesn't love you right? He has said this to you himself. He is a total waste of your time at this point and you cannot "fix" him or change him to be what you desperately need him to be.

Save yourself, cut and run now, find a nice guy that is capable of reciprocating love and respect.

I hope I havn't offended you, like I said before, I don't repeat myself.


Post edited by: Darknessiss, at: 02/04/2009 05:36

02/04/2009 05:56 AM
Posts: 7

Thank you Norma and Darknessiss

Today I am having a somewhat difficult day. I truly hope that therapy helps me make some decisions because I have been doing this all my adult life. I am 29. At darnknessiss I completely agree that I have extreme codependency issues. Its very hard to let go. I truly hope I am able to find happiness. I hate that I love him so much and that my love isnt being corresponded because of the BP. Thank you all for your feedback, I hope the day gets better.

02/04/2009 05:57 AM

4getmenot---i am occasionally very mean when i get hypomanic. i say mean things and don't care. my BF will tell me i am being hurtful and i laugh at him. terrible, huh? that being said, it is not right. i always feel terrible for it when i come back down to earht. you do not have to and should not tolerate being treated that way. you are smart to get into therapy to help you through this. hope that helped.

02/04/2009 06:09 AM
Posts: 7


Thanks so much for letting me know this. It really helps because I think the most hurtful part is thinking that he will never care that he hurt me this way. I am still not talking to him as hard as that is. I hope that when he is better he will reach out to me but until then I will try to work on me with the help of therapy and hopefully come to some decisions regarding what I need to do. Thanks again Smile


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