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02/25/2012 07:05 PM

Lost my job...can't sleep...rambling..venting...(page 2)

pip4p
Posts: 123
Member

Hi antithesis..sorry you're going through such a rough time. I just want to say that I, after being off of it for three days, am back on seroquel. This can be a tricky drug. Some people take high dosages and are fine with it but others are not. After starting to take abilify, I increased my seroquel to 50 mgs and was lethargic the next day. I am very sensitive to drugs and I think the 50 mg was too much for me. The point being you probably should look at your meds with your doc. Having been stable and then losing it after being on meds makes me think its the combo. Seroquesl just zaps me the next day.

It is tough for a spouse to face a role reversal. When everything is running smoothly and something comes along to upset the apple cart, it takes a while to adjust. I sorry you don't have a sincere support group but that's why we are here. Regarding you wife, maybe you should suggest she read posts at MDJ both individual and relationship wise. I would also

stop trying to live up to the expectations of others and take this time to be with yourself. It doesn't sound like those close to you have a clue about what you have to live with. Stay with us and hugs to you.

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02/25/2012 07:13 PM
lj80
Posts: 354
Member

Sorry to hear about all the issues going on. It's hard to understand how our loved ones can't accept that we are sick. If we choose to accept the diagnosis it's the first step and not having your other half go with the flow is hard to deal with.

After all your health issues it might be time to take a break and recharge. I can understand the financial part of it but going into another job and crashing again is not productive.

I had the worst year yet in terms of stress and at the same time finaly got my meds right and if it wasn't for my boss being a friend I'd be on stress leave.

Take the time for you and sit your spouse down and ask for support. If they don't support you then what are they doing?


02/26/2012 07:54 PM
Antithesis
Antithesis  
Posts: 98
Member

I really need to get back into group therapy too. That seemed to help with my support quite a bit. I am going to take the next couple of weeks to really work on myself and what is going on and get on the right track. I really CANNOT attempt to even look for or start a new job until I get this crap with me figured out and I am stable. I thought I was stable and jumped into a new job too soon and that was a big trigger for me. Really I got too cocky on a bipolar high and jumped into a new job then couldn't handle the stress, got more depressed and really agoraphobic.

02/27/2012 10:05 AM
pip4p
Posts: 123
Member

How did you make out with you pdoc? I totally support you in taking this time to

try to get stabilized again. Hopefully the stress at home from not having support will not impede your recovery. It's nice that you can feel supported in group therapy and on this forum. I have done the same thing with jobs as you did with the last one...jumped in only to find I couldn't handle the stress. My work history looks like swiss cheese. With some of these, i couldn't make it to the three month mark and use to joke about it.Just take this time for yourself and don't get stressed out about the job. Did your doc help you with a disability claim? Hugs to you


02/27/2012 10:39 AM
Antithesis
Antithesis  
Posts: 98
Member

I have been having lots of discussions with my wife and we have been communicating a lot better. I know she does not fully understand what is wrong with me and neither do I, but we are openly talking about it and not jumping to any conclusions about anything. She is being a lot more supportive now. I think it was just the initial sting of what had happened that she was so upset about. Time heals a lot I guess.

I have not been to see my doctor yet; I see him at 2:15 today. I did, however, go up to the center where I did my Outpatient Treatment last month to see if I could return to group therapy and they told me that since I was "discharged" that I would have to go back to the Psychiatric Hospital and get another assessment before I could start the program again.

I was going to go up to the hospital to get assessed but I came home instead. I started thinking about it and I think that I want to talk to my doctor first and see what he says. I am sure that he will want me to get into therapy of some kind, but I want to see what he says about everything. I climbed into bed and slept for about three hours. Now I have to get ready to go to my appointment, but it is so hard for me to get motivated to even leave the house.


02/27/2012 10:52 AM
pip4p
Posts: 123
Member

I am really so happy your wife has opened up to you and you two are communicating. Great progress! Now get your butt in gear and get to the doc appt. (tongue in cheek statement!) (hope you have a sense of humor)

Keep us posted. We'll be thinking of you and hoping the best.


02/27/2012 07:49 PM
Antithesis
Antithesis  
Posts: 98
Member

Lol. Thanks, Pip. So it went okay. The first thing was that I learned that I was a no show for an appointment that we had a week or two ago; I had no idea! I've been a wreck. I'm surprised I even know what day it is right now. But as far as medication changes go, here is what we did for right now: Changed my Serquel XR to regular release Seroquel but still stayed at 200mgs at night. That supposedly should still get me the sleep that I need but not make me a zombie during the day or give me bad withdrawal symptoms from titrating down. He is taking me off of Tegretol and dropped my dosage down to 100mg once a day from 200mg twice a day. He also added Lamictal 25mg, I'll take that for two weeks then bump it up to 50mg. He wants me to keep taking Concerta to help with my concentration, memory and focus.

I told him that I was wanting to go back to group therapy and he wants me to do the IOP Intensive Outpatient Program through Mercy Hospital which is the hospital that he works in the Behavioral Health department. This way, he says that he will be able to see me several times a week while I am going through the program and not have to pay for a private visit to see him all the time. The most important thing is that Mercy has a very good IOP program and that is what I need right now.

So the first thing that I need to do tomorrow is go to Mercy Hospital and get evaluated and placed in the program. It is going to be very "Intensive" hence the "I" in IOP, so it will be a lot of work, but I need this right now. Staying in the house with the shades drawn is not going to help. I couldn't go get the evaluation today because I couldn't find my wallet, I will re-iterate again, I'm kind of a mess right now, it's a little ridiculous. But I am hopeful and looking forward to it and finding out about the program and what all it will entail.

*I was feeling pretty crappy all night, but once I took that Lamictal and got on here and starting reading all of your posts I feel a lot better. Thank you all for your support!


02/27/2012 07:49 PM
Antithesis
Antithesis  
Posts: 98
Member

Lol. Thanks, Pip. So it went okay. The first thing was that I learned that I was a no show for an appointment that we had a week or two ago; I had no idea! I've been a wreck. I'm surprised I even know what day it is right now. But as far as medication changes go, here is what we did for right now: Changed my Serquel XR to regular release Seroquel but still stayed at 200mgs at night. That supposedly should still get me the sleep that I need but not make me a zombie during the day or give me bad withdrawal symptoms from titrating down. He is taking me off of Tegretol and dropped my dosage down to 100mg once a day from 200mg twice a day. He also added Lamictal 25mg, I'll take that for two weeks then bump it up to 50mg. He wants me to keep taking Concerta to help with my concentration, memory and focus.

I told him that I was wanting to go back to group therapy and he wants me to do the IOP Intensive Outpatient Program through Mercy Hospital which is the hospital that he works in the Behavioral Health department. This way, he says that he will be able to see me several times a week while I am going through the program and not have to pay for a private visit to see him all the time. The most important thing is that Mercy has a very good IOP program and that is what I need right now.

So the first thing that I need to do tomorrow is go to Mercy Hospital and get evaluated and placed in the program. It is going to be very "Intensive" hence the "I" in IOP, so it will be a lot of work, but I need this right now. Staying in the house with the shades drawn is not going to help. I couldn't go get the evaluation today because I couldn't find my wallet, I will re-iterate again, I'm kind of a mess right now, it's a little ridiculous. But I am hopeful and looking forward to it and finding out about the program and what all it will entail.

*I was feeling pretty crappy all night, but once I took that Lamictal and got on here and starting reading all of your posts I feel a lot better. Thank you all for your support!


02/28/2012 10:09 AM
pip4p
Posts: 123
Member

I'm tickled pink for you. You have many things going in your favor, the biggest one being a doc who is there for you and wants to stay on top of what's happening with you. So many solid steps in getting your current state back under control. The IOP sounds very interesting and very intensive which should help you so much. Keep us posted. Hugs

02/28/2012 01:17 PM
Antithesis
Antithesis  
Posts: 98
Member

Thank you. I woke up this morning not feeling so great and I had a hard time getting myself out of bed to go to the hospital to get my evaluation to get admitted into the program. But I finally made it there and I will start the program tomorrow. It is going to start off everyday from 9:30am-2pm. There are two group therapy sessions and a psychoeducational class with Dr. meetings in between. The doctor will call me out to meet with me on a daily basis. I am looking forward to doing something about this, but it also scares me a lot.
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