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storm Posts: 78
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I have been reading some of the posts on here – and I just wanted to start a discussion based on some of the information that I have seen. I have been talking privately with one of the members about this…and I am curious about what others think or feel. It is on the subject of Bipolars leaving the ones they loveThis is primarily for those on the Forum that are Bipolar… Why do you leave ? Why do you come back (if you do)? |
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lostbunny Posts: 3
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I don't leave, I drove him away. He stopped all communication with me and now, it is as if I do not exist. My mood swings, my inability to be a ray of sunshine, and the always getting mad at him, even when I knew I should not be mad at him, took it's toll on him. I don't blame him, but it still hurts. Hurts to know I did that, hurts to know I hurt him, and to know I have lost the onl man I ever truly loved with everything I am and I screwed it up. |
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storm Posts: 78
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I also stopped all communication with my bipolar ex, therapist advice, but I can see how this illness can really hurt a relationship, and I feel for your lose…a lot of bipolar people leave there SO, for one reason or another – I am basically just trying to get a lot of opinions about why the run – and why they come back…again I feel for you…I hope through therapy and medication you can learn to deal with this illness and come full circle - and have a happy life. |
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kateholland78 Posts: 544
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Honestly, after reading so many threads about how hard SO's have it with us BP's, I wonder if I'll ever find anyone to put up with me ever again. It makes me want to stay single forever, so that I will never put someone through all of that again. I feel so guilty when I read other's posts about their BP SO and what hell they are putting them through, as if I were responsible somehow, just by being BP as well. To all you SO's out there - I feel for you, and I think you're amazing for taking on someone with this illness and just pray that you will be able to cope and that your BP SO will find the help that they need and that you will be able to live in peace together... In learning to know other things, and other minds, we become more intimately acquainted with ourselves, and are to ourselves better worth knowing. |
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storm Posts: 78
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hey kate....hope you are having a good day, thanks for responding...(smile) as if you have not got enough of this from me |
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crzy_feeln
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just out of curiosity, are you BP or just your ex? I ask because after my diagnosis the first question I had for my husband is when are you leaving me? I expected him to high tail it out! But he hasn't... God knows I have been horrible to him but he loves me that much... Did the therapist actually encourage you to abandon the relationship? |
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crzy_feeln
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to kate... dont give up... I had soooomany times that I ruined things either all by myself or with a little help setting my off and then bam, there I went in a tail spin either off into mania or into the pit of depression. God only knows how I am sitting here today. But after all that I found my soulmate and I am trying really hard to cherish every good day and minimize the bad ones! Dont lose hope... Mr. Right is out there. And he will love and except you for you... no questions asked! |
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Gypsy Posts: 1646
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Hi, Storm, For a long time, I couldn't stay in a relationship. I couldn't commit, or I expected way too much. I would also go through relationship addiction. I would go through the romance, and excitement, and then, I would get bored and leave. When, I was younger, I was very independent, and would travel all over. I guess, I was manic. When, I got depressed, I would drink, and pick up men from bars. There was no real future in that. When, I finally had my first long term relationship, I was childish, and dillusional. I was also very naive. I think, I was in my own dream world. I then, went through a phase where,I would become very dependent on men, and then get very angry when, they tried to leave. I was afraid of being abandoned. I would swing into the manic phase again, eventually, and want my space. I would go off on another adventure. I don't think, I was really available honestly until, I got sober. I am finally in a real relationship, and have stayed, and committed to him, not just the fantasy. My last relationship, before this one was crazy. I was very demanding, and abusive. I pushed him away. We had kids, and tried to build a life together, and it just blew apart.That was when, i got diagnosed with major deprssion, and they wanted to put me on meds. I guess,I have ran from relationships, because, I was afraid they would expect too much from me,or eventually they would find something wrong with me, and leave anyway. I would go back because, I needed to be taken care of. I thought, I had to settle for whoever would take me. I was told, I was crazy, so many times, that, i didn't think, I would find someone healthy. Once, I found my current boyfriend, I was mad, because, I could not push him away no matter what, I did. He accepts me no matter what. I tried to run a few times. I finally had to stop running, and stop trying to get rid of him. We have been through a lot together, and have been able to work through whatever has come up.He has put up with my bipolar for 5 yrs. He is now very supportive of me getting help. I wonder why?! LOL Our relationship has improved so much, since, I have been on meds. Anyway, I know this is long. I hoped this has helped. God bless, Gypsy God Bless,Gypsy |
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storm Posts: 78
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just out of curiosity, are you BP or just your ex? I ask because after my diagnosis the first question I had for my husband is when are you leaving me? I expected him to high tail it out! But he hasn't... God knows I have been horrible to him but he loves me that much... Did the therapist actually encourage you to abandon the relationship? My ex is the one that is BP – and she told me to after her diagnosis “I do not blame you if you run” – I told her in front of her whole family, that no matter what I would be there to see her through this, I would be there for her – and I tried, but she was already in mania and had started an affair, she was obsessed with this man that she had known for 3 weeks and was in “love with him” – we stayed together for a little over a week, but she was not able to leave the other man alone – and she left, I did not make her leave, I did not ask her to leave – but she went anyway, maybe she thought it was just easier to start over than to fix the damage she had already done. Yes, the therapist told me after she had left that I needed to remove myself from the situation, that I needed to leave her alone – she needed to know that there were consequences for her actions – she told me she was denying her illness, and that she needed to hit rock bottom to get the help she needed – I never gave up on her – and from time to time she does little things to try and keep her in my mind – funny thing is that she has always been on my mind. |
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storm Posts: 78
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GYPSY You say you could never stay in a relationship – well the longest relationship she ever had up until she met me was 6 months – I was with her for 6 years. I understand the whole “. I would go through the romance, and excitement, and then, I would get bored and leave – she acted the same way, instead of maturing in her relationships she liked that “high” or the “freshness” of a relationship when it starts out you know the “new relationship smell” like a new car – she, I believe has other issues – BPD, and issues with her father – and the therapist said that she is very immature for a 34 year old - she tried to take her life when she was 13 – so there are issues there along with the bipolar. I guess, I have ran from relationships, because, I was afraid they would expect too much from me, or eventually they would find something wrong with me, and leave anyway When we started our relationship, she was always asking her aunt that “when do you think he will get smart and find someone better” and they had this conversation through out our relationship – for years – she could not except the fact that a guy like me could love someone like her, and it was all in her head – I adored her, and would have done anything for her – you see why I wrote this post, I was interested in the commonalities between separate bipolar people – having the same behaviors – and this is pretty informative |
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