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gutentag
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It's obvious to me (now that I have researched this dreadful disease for the past 7 months), that I met my wife while she was in one of her manic stages. I couldn't believe how happy we were. Three weeks after we married, I found out from her sister that she is Bipolar. I didn't know alot about this disease, so I read up on it quite a bit. Im no stranger to Anxiety and Depression, I have suffered with it from time to time. In fact, after 7 months of marriage, I have just started to take anti-anxiety medication. Im not blaming my wife's disease for this, but it certainly does not help. My wife has an extreme problem with money and shopping. She recieved a large divorce settlement when we first got married, and it was gone in 60 days. I could not believe it. Then I read spending, is a big problem for bipolar people. Another issue with me is the provocative way she dresses, especially this past summer. It turned me into a very insecure person. The tightest shirts, shortest shorts, really made me wonder what message she was trying to send. Then what really got me, is when I read about hyper-sexuality in bipolar people. I started to wonder if my wife would cheat on me. Is this paranoia, or a valid concern? I have read alot of blogs about how bipolar people cheat, and this has caused me great concern. My wife won't admit to me that she is bipolar, even though she takes all the meds for it. She just says she is manic-depressive (which I guess is the old term for bipolarism). Lately, I have noticed her moods change right before my eyes. Maybe I trigger them sometimes, I don't know. Im still trying to learn her triggers. Sometimes she wants to lay next to me at night real close, other times she gets angry and tells me to quit bothering her. I never know what I am going to get. Is this the life I have before me? Im in my late 40's, and she is in her early 40's. Will this disease get worse over time? I need help.. |
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BitterSweet
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I feel like the illness is different for different people. Its like trying to predict the weather, almost impossible to tell what it will be like down the road. I am going through something similar with my husband. I wish that he was as dedicated as you appear to be but he is in denial of my illness. I know everything that I can about how to cope for myself but I do not always know what to tell him to do for himself. I am in my early twenties, as is he, and I worry that one day he will get sick of me and sick of dealing with me. I feel like an unleashed hurricane sometimes and my husband often takes the wrath. The amount of guilt that I feel is astronomical but I can't stop it from happening. If you are not already I suggest seeing a therapist to help you cope with this. I don't know if any of that helped, but I just wanted to offer something. |
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robs
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welcome, simply answer would be yes,it can/does get worse.if medicated it can also be controled.your way ahead of the game with you knowledge.you already see the signs of an episode...spending,dress,mood shifts.noone can answer about the cheating.i will be honest and say i would be alert though.my wife has been through the dressing stage along with tatoos and yes she has cheated.you mentioned summer months.as you may have learned,or not,spring and summer are a common time for manic episodes. bp's are not open about their inner feelings very often.its very hard to understand what they feel.for me i dont know whats going on until shes mad then i hear it all.but its in the bp distorted fashion.listen very carefully to what she says.some tell me i analize to much,however for me its been the only way to get an idea of whats going on.try to learn her past,it will most definatley effect your future.
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sky
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My husband's bipolar has gotten much worse over the years. He is untreated and from what I have read, that has contributed to the worsening of his 'issues'. Spending has always been a big problem for him. Before we met, he had already declared bankruptsy at early twenties. He has blown thru a couple inheritances and has nothing to show for it. He compulsively collects stuff (sci fi, electronics, junk) He has also done sneaky things with money that have caused us to get into financial difficulties. His needs to collect and have what he wants have caused him to get arrested for shoplifting. I could go on, but you get the picture. Since you are newleyweds, I would try to establish ground rules right at the beginning. If she understands it is her manic depression causing her to shop like that, would she be open to trying a prepaid credit card for her (fix), loading it with her (fun money) periodically? I would maybe keep checking the credit reports a couple times a year to make sure she hasn't gone & opened any new accounts and charged up a storm. In addition to the medicine, see if she is open to go to counselling for her addiction to shopping (my husband won't do that either) Anyway, those are just my ideas from living 20 plus years of this. Good luck to you. |
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heatherr
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I understand completely where you are coming from. My SO is bipolar and I go through the same things. In fact, I posted not too long ago about always stressing wondering if he will cheat on me. Unfortunately, YES, this is the life we have chosen...there are good days, there are bad days, but it never goes away. In my case, he will never be the strong one, he will never be the mature, responsible one. He will probably always have episodes where he is narcisistic, distorted, cold and distant. He has stripped me of my self esteem and its a long road to get it back. Take care of you. Inform yourself, keep yourself healthy mentally and physically. Medication and therapy do help but from what I have seen, it never goes away. |
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justme
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like the rest say it's unpredictable what the future brings for everybody.the best and most important thing is that you work on having a trusting bond and another bond that is important to open now is that of communicating openly and straight forward with one-another. like yesterday i told my husband i feel bitchy today.he knew then well i might get cussed out if i cross her from the start of the day. let her know that even tho you might not understand her mood that u are there if you need me type thing.about the dressing up it could be a boosting one's self-esteem thing with her. just because there are symtoms of bipolar does not mean a bipolar person has to act upon them i've been bipolar since i was 12 ive never went on a spending spree or been premiscuoise. hope this has helped. hi i am a 57 year old married lady. i have a 34 year old son that lives in kanas and i have 3 grandaughters.i have a bibolar disorder and adhd. i have suffered from this since. i was 12 years old. |
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MaggieMae
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My heart goes out to you. After getting out of a 10 year marriage to a man that said there was nothing wrong with him...it's all me... I look back over the years and realize more as I research Bipolar Disorder that problems were much more complicated than I realized. 15 months into our marriage I caught him with an 18 year old (11 years younger than he was) and that was only the beginning. He convinced me that anything I saw was not what it appeared and that I needed to trust him, which I did. By the end of our relationship,there were 4 other women he was involved with when I filed for divorce. Back then, I wondered if counseling would have helped if he would have been willing to go and face the problems. He didn't go - I went for myself. A good relationship is a precious thing and I'm lucky enough to have that now with my current husband. Being in the 40-something category myself, life is too short to live it in misery, unanswered questions and filled with doubts. My husband is supportive, caring and is my best friend - yeah, that sounds corny but it is true. He is helping me face a diagnosis of bipolar disorder for my youngest son and helps in taking him to counseling sessions and doctor appointments. I hate the thought of giving up on a relationship but if your partner is not seeing a problem, willing to seek counseling then perhaps seeking counseling for yourself to help you get through this and giving you time to see what you want from life might be something you want to consider. Good luck and take good care of yourself.
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