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02/04/2012 09:54 AM

Am I Bipolar ?!

JRx
JRxPosts: 2
Member

Well where to start, I've felt depressed as long as I can remember but I just always thought it was a phase and that it was normal for a teenager. But now I'm 20 and my thoughts and feelings have got soo much worse and I can't cope with it anymore.

In the past 8 months I've started having really extreme mood swings, I can be so happy and fine then the next minute I will burst into tears and start a huge argument over nothing.

I've never been a sensitive person but since the mood swings have started I cry at the slightest little thing or I get really really angry and start trashing stuff.

I've cried myself to sleep every night for about the past 8 months, telling myself I'm worthless and everyone would be better off if I wasn't here, if they even noticed.

I worry 24/7 about things that shouldn't bother me, my mind never stops. I jump from one thing to another in minutes, this goes on the full day and night. I worry that much I've got a constant knot in my tummy which often makes me physically sick.

Roughly one day a week I'll wake up in the happiest mood ever and be really motivated and want to go out and do things. The other days I'll not leave the house, If I have to go out, like to the shops, I have to look my very best, Even if I'm already dressed I'll have to change into something nicer. My hair and make-up has to be perfect. I do this because I think everyone will be staring at me. If I leave the house and see someone I know, I will walk the opposite direction, If they are walking they way I have to go I will walk the longest way just to avoid them.

I haven't told anyone this much detail before, the only person I've spoke to was my gran, she's the reason I'm wanting to get help. I'm always getting on at her or blaming her for things that I shouldn't be, then I go home and cry with guilt, and I can't stop thinking about how cruel I was to her and how much I'm a bad person. I tell her after I don't mean it, but it still upsets her. It was her that told me I have bipolar, she had a friend who had it and she said I show the exact same signs.

I know this is a really long story and some of you's won't read it all but I really had to get it all out. I just don't know how long I can cope with this, I just go round in a vicious circle everyday and I'm fed up hurting and upsetting people. I'm too scared to go to the doctor in case it's normal and I'm just wasting their time.

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02/04/2012 10:02 AM
centerseeker
centerseeker  
Posts: 2851
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

It is really hard to deal with mood swings. It is painful and emotionally exhausting and when we hurt our loved ones like you do your gran the guilt can eat us alive.

Unfortunetly, even though this is a bipolar support forum, no one here is qualified to tell you if you are bipolar. You need to see a psychiatrist for a diagnoses. (on the board you will see psychiatrist shortened to pdoc and therapist to tdoc)

You can seek a referal through a regular doctor. Or you can do what I did which was make an appointment with a therapists who gave me an unofficial diagnosis of bipolar and then referred me to a pdoc for an official diagnosis.

I thank God everyday that I finally got the help I needed. I am stable now and it is amazing. It is possible to feel good again with proper help.

In the meantime, welcome to the boards. 'officially' diagnosed or not the people here are very supportive and I welcome you to continue posting as you get the help you need.


02/04/2012 11:04 AM
christianink

Center, would you not agree that a quick visit to his Doctor is entirely necessary? Friend, you certainly have many symptoms that I, a bipolar, can relate to.

Gods Speed.


02/04/2012 11:11 AM
centerseeker
centerseeker  
Posts: 2851
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

christian I agree. As soon as possible. My regular doctor would not refer me which is why i self reffered in a sense to a tdoc but as general practitioners are usually faster to see it is certainly worth exploring.

(off topic I am not seeing this doc anymore bc of her lack of concern when I brought up mood swings and her unwillingness to refer me to anyone)


02/04/2012 11:40 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6902
Group Leader

Welcome to the group, JRx. You'll find a lot of support, information and encouragement here. Please don't hesitate to PM me or any other GL.

Please, please go to a psychiatrist as quickly as you can. I was undiagnosed for over twenty years. In that time, GPs diagnosed me with depression and anxiety at different times. It was only when I saw a pdoc that I got an accurate diagnosis. He put me on meds which have changed my entire life for the better.

You don't have to feel the way you feel. There is help and I sincerely hope that you get it.

Don't worry about wasting the doctor's time. It's what they are there for.

Big hugs.


02/04/2012 12:23 PM
Tropical24
Tropical24  
Posts: 114
Member

Like the others, I encourage you to seek help. It sounds like you could have bipolar, as well as co-morbid anxiety. I'm 20 too. I left my bipolar untreated until recently and ended up having a severe mixed episode. It was the worst experience of my life! Now I'm on meds and doing better. When you reach out for help, you'd be surprised how many people are there to support you and help you achieve your goals. Smile

02/04/2012 12:27 PM
Joy75
Joy75  
Posts: 16686
Group Leader
I'm an Advocate

Yes, go to a psychiatrist and get diagnosed and put on medications. You don't have to suffer this way. It sounds like you are having a really hard time. You need to get help. Something is wrong here. We can't tell you if you have bipolar due to the fact that we aren't doctors, but I strongly urge you to get to a psychiatrist as soon as you can. Sometimes it take awhile to get in so the sooner the better. I hope you find relief soon. Welcome to the group!

02/05/2012 09:21 AM
JRx
JRxPosts: 2
Member

Thank you all so much for you're replies. They were all very helpful. I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor first thing on Monday.

02/05/2012 04:32 PM
Tropical24
Tropical24  
Posts: 114
Member

Sounds good. I hope your appointment goes well.
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