Bipolar Support Group

http://www.mdjunction.com/spouses-of-bipolar-in-active- relationships

I am a man, I have BP and I know from firsthand experience what it is like to have a loved one who has unmedicated BP repeatedly turn on me in the blink of an eye. I am going to assume that you have a healthy mind and are not the type of person who wants to be in an abusive relationship. If that is the case then it is a fact that at this time your healthy mind is not capable of spontaneously turning off the compassion and empathy you have for your girlfriend. This means that the loving part of your mind is defenseless to the abuse that your girlfriend is directing towards you. When she lashes out at you she is inflicting emotional trauma on your healthy mind. I know from firsthand experience that it takes about 4 -6 weeks to bounce back from a single traumatic encounter with a loved one who has unmedicated BP. When an unhealed, unaddressed trauma is followed up by another trauma then the impact of the earlier truma is magnified. This pattern will repeat itself until the cycle of abuse is terminated. You need to be clear with yourself that your mental health is being channeled through the mind of a person who is mentally ill and who is not in touch with the most basic tenets of normal, positive human behavioral patterns.

There are plenty of people with unmedicated BP who put on a mask of civility in their public life and who in their private life emotionally abuse the people they supposedly love. Don't allow yourself to become a victim of emotional abuse. A man who is emotionally abused by a woman is in no less pain than a woman who is emotionally abused by a man.

No matter how much you love your girlfriend you need to put yourself first in this situation and protect your mental health. It is a sad truth that sometimes we lose relationships with people we love. I hope that your girlfriend gets the help she needs but you cannot make her do the work she needs to do to be stable and healthy. Do not damage your present and future by overcompensating for the profound mental health issues with which your girlfriend is afflicted.

Joy is right in directing you to the spouses of BP in active relationships forum. Until earlier this month I was an active poster in a similar forum, one that is for people who used to be in relationships with people who have BP. There are some great people in that forum and even if you want to stay in your relationship with your girlfriend it's still probably a good place for you to visit to see how it is that other people have dealt with relationships that traumatized them.

Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

If you are interested in reading it here is a link to the story of how I ended up on MDJ. Perhaps you will find it useful.

I wish you the best in dealing with your situation.

Post edited by: invisiblenyc, at: 02/01/2012 08:07 AM

You are also dealing with a partner who is mentally ill and drinking alcohol. I have no idea if she has access to your computer but if she does then what would happen if she came across the fact that you are on MDJ? It's not fun to have to think like a paranoid person but sometimes it's a helpful tool to use to protect our own well-being.

There a lot of people who come to MDJ because they are in a situation similar to the one you are in. Some of those people find at MDJ the inspiration and support required to develop the strength required to deal with their situations and change their lives. Some people who come here are involved with partners who are willing to and capable of dealing with their mental health issues: with the assistance of mental health professionals a couple like that then tries to move forward with their shared and individual lives. Some people who come here end up going back to their unmedicated, abusive partners. Some people who come here just vanish after 1 or 2 posts. There is another member here on MDJ who in a PM told me that she initially felt overwhelmed when many of us in the BP SO forum basically told her to "cut and run" from her unmedicated BP partner. I wrote this paragraph because I want to list for you the paths that you can take from this point forward. Your fate is in your own hands: no matter how lonely and scared you are right now it is within your power to put yourself first in your life.

Post edited by: invisiblenyc, at: 02/02/2012 07:10 AM