Bipolar Support Group

SUMMARY FOR THOSE WHO DONT LIKE LONG POSTS

how do you fill the need for sexual and intimate desire (not the end result...the interactive intense intimacy thing) particularly when you're having a bad mood swing? I want to take on a lover because my husband doesn't want to do it and I desperately want two other men but don't want to ruin my family. But I need that interaction right now. And I want it to be exciting and new! We're seeing a counselor but I don't know if the sex will ever be often and I'm talking short term fulfillment at this point anyway. I feel like I need something seductive or mind altering to chill me out.

LONG(ER) VERSION

Losing my job seems to have really set me off. I'm like nuts! As mentioned in another post, I told a man at work about my feelings for him...this isn't some guy in his twenties, he's a career man in his late forties with a wife and kids. I always felt he had a thing for me, but when I said that I had always had a crush in him, he told me it's always nice to get a compliment from an attractive woman, and avoided me like the plague my last couple days. I can't believe I did that! And they may bring me back for work one day! Its like I'm not rational when I get like this.

There's another guy I would LOVE to get with who's in his twenties. I met him in the goth scene. Hes beautiful. Could probably hook up with him for real. I'm like "oh maybe I should contact him through Facebook." Nuts.

But I'm married now with a kid and financial worries and careers and grownup stuff.

My husband never ever wants to do it, though!

So, in my dysphoric state, I want a boyfriend. I need sex and it doesn't seem like my husband will fulfill it. I don't even want it with him right now. I want those other guys!

I at this point wont cheat, but how do you fill that need for sexuality and intimacy?

..and you know bipolar sexuality can be overwhelming, when you can't take in a lover and aren't getting any from your real lover?

I don't really need advice about finding out if its physical, I know it's not because of the porn he uses. Yes thats another issue too... We're working on stuff in therapy. But how do you fill that need to be intimate that is particularly overwhelming when you're having a mood swing and you also can't get it from the one you are married to?

I sooo wish I knew how to cope with that better than what I do now. I isolate. I have a specific two guys I want, too. I try to stay as far from them if at all possible. I swear, when I'm like that, I think if I was to cross paths with either of them I'd start something they wouldn't be able to stop. But I know that the intensity will diminish and that pain will be left after the fact. It sounds like the two of you are trying to do something with the relationship, so you just have to remind yourself that it would end badly for all involved if you were to act upon it at this moment. I know exactly how you feel about the intimacy issues with your husband, it is pretty unbearable. Especially in your state right now, and I feel the lack of is making it worse. Just keep trying and know your doing your best! It's a very rough place to be and I hope the very best for you in this situation. You are not alone if that makes you feel any better. I think there's a hypersexuality forum here that you might want to check out, I don't know how to do links. They might have some good techniques to help control these urges your having right now. Sending courage your way.

Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/10/2012 06:37 PM

Silverclaw, thank you - I feel relieved to hear someone going through a similar thing and also feel as confounded as I do. That's kind of funny we both want two guys. Are yours polar opposites like mine? A businessman in his late forties and a goth boy in his twenties? lol...

Reviled - I think exactly the same thing...that you really can't trust what your own thoughts are sometimes! Our couples therapist was saying that when I have a strong feeling about me and my husband (like feeling that things are awful), it's just a more extreme expression of what another person would feel. That I'm not "just bipolar."

And I thought that was true, but then I realized that IT'S NOT! I can be adjusting a med and feel like my relationship is TERRIBLE and then the titrating is done, etc., I'm like, "why did I ever think this is so bad?"

I not even sure if I am having hypersexuality or not, but maybe sort of a mixture of that and just wanting some extreme sensation or interaction to relieve the pain of what I'm feeling. Once again, I'm not talking about the "end result"...I hate it when my husband says "well, just go do it yourself"...it's the interaction thing.

And right now I want attention and to be with someone totally new. Man, that goth boy is so beautiful. I had a dream about him last night, and I've never had a sex dream before.

Oddly, I ended up 'getting some' (husband)...but I'm still obsessed with the other guys. I think I'm in need of some "thrill" thing right now. I really wish I didn't lose my job. It was really keeping me sane. It was sort of an anchor I could hold to as the swings did their thing. And I really liked it.

Wish I could drink or have risky sex...I've had some cigarettes each day since I lost my job...trying not to get addicted again. Husband will be furious if I do (even though he still does it). He doesn't like how it makes me sick and makes me clear my throat.

It's insane to feel so trapped by an overall good husband who is trying so hard, a beautiful son, sobriety, etc...right now I just want to go back to my old ways and go to the club and get drunk and get with someone.

Although maybe I'd rather be sober when I get with someone new, because I couldn't remember anything when I drank before.

I am a man and have Bi polar type 1 with rapid cycle, I can get really heterosexuality, I have learned though not what always feels good is good for you , you know? Like eating a bunch of junk food might taste good but not what we need. I thank God, I have never Physically crossed line with my Wife, she is very supportive with our son, To me Hyper-sexuality is one thing in Bi polar that makes us all have that little guilty voice, but as for myself I love my wife so much, even if I do not get on demand, I adore her so much, I do not like to look at other women so I go to both extremes, . For me the medicine I think they put a horny pill in them j/k It is very destructive to relationship, I have to guard myself closely for my wife's Honor hard line but well worth it. I hope all works out!

Thanks, it's nice to hear a man's perspective. I just hope things will get back to normal. Right now it's like I am craving so many different things. I want to fulfill some of them.

Sex toys and masterbation... Just sayin. I know it's not the real thing by any means.... But as I like to say- it'll do in a pinch! I'm sorry about your job, that's tough and can certainly send you off on that bipolar roller coaster. I wish you and your family the best and hang in there!

Have you talked with your pdoc about this?

You should stop drinking so not to add fuel to this fire.

Ruining a marriage for a thrill is bad decision making. Bad judgement. Talk to your doctor, therapist, or your husband about your feelings.

You will regret your behavior if you follow through with any of these impulses.

-justhurt.

Hi my name is sarah and i just barely joined the group. I do understand the behavior. I ruined my marriage it ended in divorce in 2006. I can not tell you the guilt and what if this what if that i wanted my family back but is was way too late. Its compulsive behavior but i felt or did not care.

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