Bipolar Support Group

His Father and my brother (both on the volunteer fire department) were among the first on the scene. The whole town has been talking and speculating about what happened. Did he commit suicide, were they playing chicken with the train?? All my inside information says that it was just an accident. But people always want to gossip, even if it is cruel.

Today is his memorial service. I could not make myself go. They are expecting hundreds of people. I could not deal with all the people and all the sadness. I know it would just push me over the edge, an edge I have been holding onto firmly lately.

But I feel so guilty for not being there and so helpless because there is nothing I can do to make any one, even my brother feel better or help him to deal with this.

When I think of a 15 year old, nearly a man, unless they were playing chicken, I would imagine it was a terrible, terrible choice. Stay strong.

We had an accident yesterday where a city bus ran over a woman and I ended up driving by the accident scene....threw me off for the rest of the day and I had a hard time working. Those things affect us all in more ways than most other people.

You have to protect your emotions because they are yours and they are fragile. We are all pretty fragile most of the time.

Stay strong and don't feel bad about not going.

kat

I was in a similar situation to you almost a year ago. My friends sister died in a boating accident, I never knew the sister and only just met this friend. Over 1000 went to her funeral but I couldn't, I felt it wasn't my place as I didn't know the girl.

There is no need to feel guilty you made the right choice and no doubt your dad and brother understand.

And the train accident - I grew up in a railroad town, and once lived where the tracks were just behind my backyard. 2 people in my neighborhood were walking home from the store, taking the tracks for a shortcut, and they both got hit by a train - literally right in my backyard (my yard became the area with that was cordoned off for emergency people only) It was an ugly scene and I saw and heard too much that day.

I know from experience that a train coming from one direction can sound convincingly like it is coming from the other. They said the people thought the train was on one of the other tracks, there are about 4 tracks close together there. So it might not have been suicide, it is easier than you think to misjudge where a train is and if you are not watching they can sneak up on you, it's true.