Bipolar Support Group

hey everyone. im 20 about to be 21 next month. i was dx bipolar at 17 and shortly after spent 4 weeks in a adolescent mental hospital bc i tried to kill myself. I havent attempted suicide since then but its getting very hard to control. ive been on every medication i can think of and nothing is helping. they put me on paxil and seroquel for 3 yrs and in that time i gained 150lbs. no one bothered to tell me serious weight gain would be a side effect. so now im just fat and miserable. i got married to a soldier last year and its taking every thing i have to keep myself in check and even thats not enough. i go thru phases where i hate his guts. and its not his fault. hes so good to me. and he tried to be understanding. but im mean. during the day im usually ok but at night. i just want to hurt him. and sometimes i do. nothing major but pinching him or smacking him. and i hate it. i feel awful. but i cant help myself. im so furious and angry and idk why. does anyone else have this issue where its worse at night? sometimes the next morning i cant even remember what i was screaming about. but thats not even my biggest problem. idk if all bipolar people deal with this but i am terrified to leave my house. not like afraid of the outside world like agoraphobic but mostly afraid of people. i cant bring myself to go to the dr. or even go to walmart. and the thought of keeping a schedule or a job is debilitating. i want to be able to be a good wife. and have a good job. but i just cant. ill have manic days where im so hyper and productive and ready to take on the world. and then when its time to get out of bed and go to work i cant do it. my husband has to litterally force me to go to the dr. i absolutely hate this and i dont know how to over come it. my husband just thinks im being lazy. but im not. i dont want him to have to solely support us. but i just dont know how to deal. any advice would be greatly appreciated.

HI novosel, welcome to the group. Sounds to me like your meds are still off. You need to talk to your pdoc. I know you may feel like a guinea pig but it takes a while to find the right med combo. Don't give up it can be better!!

I lived in HELL far to long as well. It took me 10 years and lord knows how many doctors in order to find the right combinations of medicine. You must make that a priority in order to get your symptoms in check. Otherwise we're just like hamsters running in the wheel. "We're" meaning us BP people lol. I don't personally have urges to hurt my wife or kids, in the past i would just hurt myself, either by cutting or just hitting myself in the face. If you are not happy with seroquel you can always change. I was on seroquel for 6 years and got up to 1200mg a day. It had finally quit working for me and now I am on risperidone. Number one thing you need to do is call your pdoc(psychiatrist) and let them know what is going on. I know you said you hated going, but that is your path to sanity. I suffer from social anxiety disorder, so I can relate to not wanting to go out and be around people. See if you can muster up the courage to call your Pdoc, and hopefully get this under control and maybe start to live in peace.

Post edited by: hooba, at: 01/18/2012 10:15 AM

Hi novosel10, A warm welcome to the Bipolars Support group. This is a very supportive, encouraging and informative group. If you ever have any questions or need anything, feel free to send me or any other group leader a private message (PM) so we can help you.

You have had a rough road. I'm glad you have not had any more suicide attempts - that is not the answer. I am sorry you are in such pain right now, especially at night. I agree with the others - it sounds like your medications are not working properly. I advise you to emphasize the nighttime aggression with your psychiatrist. My medications require frequent adjustments to keep me functioning at my best. Usually I see my psychiatrist (pdoc) every two months, but it can be more often than that if I need an adjustment.

Please know that there are many more medications than the ones you have been on that are weight neutral that can be tried. Also, medications can be added that may help you control your appetite. Overall, psychiatrists are much more sensitive to what they call the "cosmetic effects" of psychiatric medications today than they were 20 years ago. Simply tell your doctor the weight gain side effect profile is unacceptable to you and alternative meds have to be explored. If your psychiatrist won't work with you, find another psychiatrist.

Thank you so much for posting. You are welcome to post as often as you like.

It's kind of sad when reading such a painful story that my mind begins to think this is extraordinary for her; but not with this disease. Literally everything you spoke of seems to be exact issues that we have, sadly, worked through ourselves. I know I'm still working through some of them.

You certainly need to get to the Psychiatrist and begin pounding things out one at a time. You are NOT alone and have MANY hearts sending you love.

thanks so much guys. im going to call my pdoc in the morning and see what we can do. bc im about to loose it. but thanks for your support. its nice to know im not the only one going thru this

I'm assuming you love your husband. It sounds like he puts up with a lot with you pinching him and stuff. I can't say that I get meaner at night. Have you tried anything other than Seroquel? Anti-psychotics took away my hypo-mania which is anger, racing thoughts, and irritability. I was on Geodon, then later switched to Abilify. They both work very well. I've never tried Seroquel. I'm wondering why you are scared of people. Did you not have a very social life growing up? I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's good that your husband makes you go to the doctor. I would call your psychiatrist and let him know all you are feeling and get a medication change or adjustment. It's not healthy to not go out into the world every once in awhile. Exercising would be good for you also for mood and to get the extra weight from Seroquel off. You can do this. We are here to help you too. We've got a lot of support to give to you. Welcome to the group!