Bipolar Support Group

Hi all, it was great to see all the responses to my last post, thank you. I have been going through a pretty rough time since about Oct. last year. The holidays are a big trigger for me ! Being medicated kept me from going manic, but i did still experience hypomania. I actually enjoy the hypomania sometimes, that is a break from feeling like i do now. I'm just feeling so flat and bored, no energy, not hungry, wanna sleep all day. I have got to find myself something to keep me occupied or it is just my mind talking all day long in my head. I don't work because of 2 reasons, 1) I had a fall at work in 2007. I broke my heels and compressed my spine. Now i have a limitation of only 1 hour standing at one time, and no more than two hours standing period.2)I am BP and my wife thinks it's a good idea to stay on disability. I agree but disability isn't something i like to look at someone and tell them i do for a living. Well i don't want to stray from the topic, this blah feeling (if anyone knows what i mean) used to make me stop taking my meds. I know that's not the right thing to do, but what is? I'm just tired of feeling this way. Winter just isn't my season. Thank you for taking the time to read, hooba

I wish I had an answer for your post as I can't imagine most of the members don't have that exact feeling. I think I'll explain my situation and the end result. I have an MBA and a Doctorate Degree in Religious Writings. My soon to be ex-wife if a famous physician in the mid-west for filling the shoes of a slain Dr. George Tiller. Twelve years ago my gene activated and I ended up a terribly complicated Bipolar 1. I was treated at Johns Hopkins, Duke, UNC, and Prive Swiss for a total of six months. Like everyone else, with the level of care, I ended up being quite sick AND semi-drug resistant. I was not the husband, except in pictures, a doctor like my wife needed as she speaks, gives interviews, and is now doing an ABC documentary..

I live on our 20 acre non-working, but beautiful farm, and deal with all the Fred Phelps of the world. The farm is so secure now there isn't a chance someone could break in. Of course, I have no firearms. I did very well financially, as well as my wife, before I became ill, and now all my income comes directly from her which is demeaning. The New York Times called me, "...her kept, bipolar husband..." Of course that hit AP and everyone I knew all over the country red it in her local paper.

I truly live with depression everyday. Sometimes I'll go four or five days with out a shower (horrible, I know) but who in the world is going to come out to this farm to see me? People are frightened to come here and my wife has taken a condo in the city. I get happiness from the beauty of the land, the lake, the flowers in the spring, the design of the house, and MOST of all the dogs. If you don't have a dog - get one. They love you if you've not shaved your face and never fail to make you laugh. It seems the disease will take care of making you feel blah and like a zombie.

Hooba, it sounds like your meds aren't helping you as much as they should. The symptoms you describe sound like depression to me. Have you talked to your pdoc about still being depressed on your meds?

I suffer from seasonal affective disorder and winter is always a tough season for me. My pdoc recommended a SAD light (a light therapy box) and it seems to be helping. My med combo has really helped, too. I'm way better off this year than I was last year at this time.

I hope you feel better soon.

I have been feeling the same way for weeks and when I told my pdoc she bumped my cymbalta with another possible bump if I don't feel better Monday. I would highly recomend calling your pdoc. You may need a med change and why suffer this feeling if there is help for it?

Thank you all for you support and advice. I called my Pdoc and told them I was experiencing signs of depression and their supposed to get back to me thur. or fri. It's nice to know I have a place to come to find people who relate to me and whom I can relate to.I am feeling like the weight of the world is on me. In the past I would run and get intoxicated or do something to distract me from what was going on. But from now on I'm trying to face it...it's hard as hell!!! There is a song called weight of the world by Blue October, the only difference is the weight hasn't gone wrong. Check it out if you can, this band has helped me through some dark times. http://youtu.be/CBnvZUgp-4M

3 Cheers for the brave Hooba!

do we all sorta get sad in winter, everything dies if it gets to cold, no warm

6 years ago at this very time, I was in the hospital with severe mania and psychosis because I had quit my meds AND quit smoking pot, which is when I stopped sleeping. This isn't the best time of year for me. March is the worst month based on my past - I have been hospitalized in March 4 times, for anything from suicide attempt (when I was 15)anxiety to a mixed episode to mania with psychosis. One of my main problems is disorganized speech. I have a lot of trouble with "losing" people when I talk, because of my inner dialog sometimes I assume people know the context that I mean things in, but I am so often misunderstood. I think it was better when I was so withdrawn I didn't talk to people...at least I didn't upset people, for the most part anyway - there are people who are uncomfortable with me or my type. Now I talk too much, almost nothing ever embarrasses me.

@lken, From what I've seen and heard first hand since my diagnosis in 2000, a lot of people with BP have a hard time in winter. One of my doctors theory's is it's because there is less sunlight, but who knows. @ Wyndrake, I think it's wonderful that your not embarrassed easily anymore and that you talk more now. I go through my ups and downs still. When i have hypomania, that's when I talk more, otherwise i'm reserved. I only have 2 friends I can talk to, and I only talk to one about my BP. He is supposedly BP also but I have my doubts about that from what he tells me. If it weren't for my wife being in the spouses of BP group, I would never have found this place. I think you being out of the hospital for so long is great, I just now have 1 year. Have you been stable ever since you've been out? I don't know what to expect, i've never lived a stable life until around Apr. of last year. The fear of the unknown gets to me sometimes. I analyze things way too much, constantly. Thank you for everyone's response, you guys are really helpful and it's comforting to know that other people are going through this as well, and are doing good.

Has any of you Bi-Polar guys thought about that your illness may be caused by the infection. I have Lyme Disease and have a lot of cognitive problems, and reading about Lyme there are some theories that the Lyme and co-infections can cause Bi-Polar Disorder. I hope this will help. Sorry for hearing that you are so sick. I am not much better, except I have Depression and pain all over and sometimes cannot sleep at all or do anything from fatigue. Immagine tired to your bones and cannot sleep, ughghgh.

I wish you all the best and pray for you to get better.

Nev