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uppitywoman Posts: 42362
Group Leader
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I have a lot of memories of things in my past that can haunt me if I let them. Promiscuity, hateful behavior, drunkenness, foul-mouthed, hateful words. The list could go on. They used to eat me alive and drive me to utter hopelessness and feelings of humiliation and shame. But what I did was to track down the people I could and apologize. Some accepted, some did not, and I had to forgive myself. That was the hardest one, but I realized that if I did not I would never be free of the terrible burden I was under. It was keeping me from living life fully in the present and robbing of hope for the future. All I could see was a vile person. After I was diagnosed and medicated, my past made sense. What I did was to finally allow the positive words of others to define me. I chose to believe what they said they saw in me. I had to choose to do it, a conscious decision. It was then that I saw myself as a different person from the one who had done those things. It was like a whole other person was doing those things, not me, not the real me, and I was able to forgive myself. I don't know if this helps you or not, but it's what helped me. With God, all things are possible
My blog:
http://uppitywomantwo.blogspot.com
Bipolar I
10mg Abilify--400mg Lamictal-90mg Cymbalta--25mg Ambien CR--200mg Topomax--30mg Temazapam--1mg Ativan as needed.
Please note that I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist. My opinions are personal only. This site is not intended to be a substitution for professional care, nor is anyone here qualified to make diagnoses. |
