MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
01/11/2012 08:01 AM

cringe-worthy behavior...how to cope?

reviled
Posts: 129
Member



Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/10/2012 06:20 PM
Reply

01/11/2012 08:03 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

Boy, can I relate to this. I have done so many things that are cringe-worthy. As for the things I've said... well, let's just say that cringe-worthy doesn't begin to cover it.

All we can do is apologize and try to forgive ourselves. It's hard, I know.


01/11/2012 08:10 AM
reviled
Posts: 129
Member



Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/10/2012 06:20 PM

01/11/2012 08:15 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

I know just how you feel. But you are not a disgusting fool. I'm not either, although I have often felt like one.

We just have an illness that makes us say and do things that we regret later.


01/11/2012 08:32 AM
bpdiaries
Posts: 290
Member

I too have engaged in a lot of "unfiltered" behavior as I call it.

Besides medication to manage our condition a lot of it is being aware of what we're doing and turning off the impulse that makes us choose the wrong path.

It takes a lot of practice but I can say how that I fumble a lot less now than I did a year ago.


01/11/2012 08:56 AM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42707
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

I have a lot of memories of things in my past that can haunt me if I let them. Promiscuity, hateful behavior, drunkenness, foul-mouthed, hateful words. The list could go on. They used to eat me alive and drive me to utter hopelessness and feelings of humiliation and shame. But what I did was to track down the people I could and apologize. Some accepted, some did not, and I had to forgive myself. That was the hardest one, but I realized that if I did not I would never be free of the terrible burden I was under. It was keeping me from living life fully in the present and robbing of hope for the future. All I could see was a vile person.

After I was diagnosed and medicated, my past made sense. What I did was to finally allow the positive words of others to define me. I chose to believe what they said they saw in me. I had to choose to do it, a conscious decision. It was then that I saw myself as a different person from the one who had done those things. It was like a whole other person was doing those things, not me, not the real me, and I was able to forgive myself. I don't know if this helps you or not, but it's what helped me.


01/11/2012 09:01 AM
ZadieBlue
ZadieBluePosts: 4547
VIP Member

I've come the accept the past to the point of near-forgiveness, but I cannot escape the reminders of my actions: The horrible things I've said and emailed (emailed!) to my parents, the scars on my body that all have fictitious origins when someone asks, the scar on my wrist from slicing my wrist and missing the artery, necessitating my having to stitch it up myself (how do you explain THAT?!?). I have to fight the feeling that everyone knows all that I've done -- I know it's projection but I tread lightly anyway. I ask myself: Could it have been any other way? Perhaps, had I been med-compliant earlier in my life, but I don't think even that could have been helped. I know how bad things can get, and the reminders keep me on my regimen, still trying.

Zadie


01/11/2012 09:06 AM
reviled
Posts: 129
Member



Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/10/2012 06:20 PM

01/11/2012 09:15 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

Apologizing to people really made me feel better too, Uppity. Whether or not they forgave me (and they almost all did), apologizing to them helped me to begin to forgive myself.

The memory of the things I said and did when I was unmedicated keeps me on my regimen as well, Zadie.


01/11/2012 09:16 AM
uppitywoman
uppitywoman  
Posts: 42707
VIP Member
I'm an Advocate

Reviled, maybe it's too early for you to try and apologize yet. Work on forgiving yourself first then. When you are feeling better about yourself, then it might be easier to face folks and apologize.
Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 1 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved