Bipolar Support Group

Well, I don't really know where to start. I am 23 years old and my mother has been diagnosed BP all of my life. I am in college and have just started a new relationship. This relationship is very serious, however my mom is not having an easy time coping. I usually spend my winter break at home, however I have been traveling with my boyfriend for the past couple of weeks. We've gone to my house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My mom is a controlling person and I am her only biological child. Also, my dad passed away 7 years ago and she takes care of my grandmother. She has been sending me hateful text messages saying things like: I only care about my boyfriend now, I'm dropping her like a hot-potatoe, I'm ungrateful, she doesn't want me to come home anymore or call anymore. I have called her everyday, sometimes 3-4 times a day to talk to her since I have been away at college. i know that it's hard being a caretaker and that she doesn't have anyone since my dad's past. However at this point in my life, I don't really want to go home. I am at the end of my rope. I feel guilty because she does still pay for my phone and car insurance. I also have had Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis since I was 5. My mom constantly reminds me she kept me from dying because of the many illnesses I had. I don't know what to do. I'm not ready to cut her off completely but I don't know how to deal with the anger and hurtful things she says. I am a Microbiology major and she is trying to make me feel bad that I won't be able to come home for the summer anymore( It's because I have to finish my last 30 hours at UT). How do you not let the words affect you?

ha cool UT!

texas right i grew up in texas longhorns!!

but no i am college drop out i say screw that stuff!

i think my moms also bipolar she acts normal then if i do 1 tiny thing wrong she starts yelling for 30 minutes.

im at the point hwere i say screw her, i came close to murdering both my parents then killing myself, but i guess its good i didnt.

i am moving out in a few days to go live in hell off of hells disability rations

so at least u can be happy that u have a bright future. and ya if ur moms causieng u so much trouble then just say screw her and to hell with her. cuz in the end i realise no one cares about anyone in this world and we have to make sure we are as comfortable as possible in any given situation.

u can google survival of the fittest for more info.

and maybe ur boyfriend is a vampire like in twilight, and he can turn u into a vampire and yall can go live in italy for all eternity!

Has your mother always been like this or do you think she is going through an episode. It does sound like she is lonely, but you have to let your children get on with their lives. You are in college, you take on more responsibilities. You are learning life. I'm sorry she hurts you with her words. I don't think she intends to be cruel. It's not your fault you grew up. Is she taking medications? She should really be in therapy for dealing with this. She's having a hard time letting go of you. I don't know how you can't let the word affect you. What she is saying is cruel, anyone would be affected. I guess you need to make some decisions. Maybe have a long sit down talk with her and try to tell her your feelings. If she is on medications, she could also need a medication adjustment. I wish you happiness with your mom and that she comes around and figure out how she can start to let you go. I'm glad you joined, you will learn a lot about bipolar. Welcome to the group!

She is on medication. Cymbalta, Pristique and another one I believe. She's never been to therapy for it. I just found out she cut off my phone today. She's always been like this, but I do believe this is an episode. She has bouts when we have a normal mother/daughter relationship. That's what's making it hard to completely cut off from her. Although right now it seems as if she is making that decision for me. I didn't realize until I started reading the post in this forum how much abuse I have had to put up with. Growing up it was emotional, and on occasion physical. I had my dad to shield me during those times though. With him gone, I am taking a lot of the brunt. I have to live my life, I know that logically. It's hard to think of cutting off contact with the one remaining parent. Thank you both for your post.

@Zefari: That sounds a lot like what I went through before I realized what Bipolar is. Stay strong!!

Um, that is two antidepressants. Do you know if she takes a mood stabilizer? Without one, it can push bipolar people into hypo-mania/mania. My hypo-mania is anger, racing thoughts, and irritability. Others go shopping, feel on top of the world, have racing thoughts, do things out of character, etc. It sounds like she is being a little serious about this. It's not your fault though that you are growing up. This isn't really fair to you and I'm sorry she is acting this way. I think she would really benefit from therapy because therapy and medications go hand in hand. I'm really sorry about the abuse you endured also through the years from her. That's awful that happened and it's not right. Whatever happens though, you have us to talk to. We'll support you through this. Please let us know how you are doing as time goes by. We really care about you!

I agree, I think therapy can go along way, that and getting on the right combo of meds. I'm sorry she is pushing you away and as Joy said, you always have us. Do you think when she is not manic that you could talk to her about how her actions while she is manic hurts you? Then maybe suggest therapy, and maybe even offer to go with her. I think it could help you work through your feelings also.

She isn't on any mood stabilizers. When she isn't manic, we can have normal conversations. I will try and suggest therapy once this passes, if it does. She is not sending my boyfriend rude text messages, and posting on Facebook that he is a control freak who won't let me come home without his permission. Which is not true at all. He told me to go home last week after the horrible text she sent me, calling me an ungrateful shit and such. In that same text message she told me not to come home until the weekend before school starts. Today, I saw a Facebook message from her threatening me. She told me I only think she's crazy and if I don't come home alone, now, she'd show me. She is even threatening to not let me have my dogs back. They are mine, I am listed as their owner in all paperwork, she was watching them before this ordeal started. I just want to go home, get my dogs and clothes and go back to Austin at this point. I don't know how I would afford my RA meds/dr. visits, but I'm willing to take on a 2nd job at this point. If it keeps her from trying to hold things over me. Thanks everyone for the support. I'm glad to finally be able to talk to people about this instead of holding it in.

First off, I would unfriend your mother on FaceBook immediately. That's hurting your image - which you are just trying to establish not to mention crossing huge boundaries.

You might not have to cut off ties completely, but when she returns to her normal state I would certainly address it with her drawing the boundary that if she continues to remain unstable and not control her thoughts/words, then you will need to severely severe ties.

You shouldn't feel guilty about living your own life - or having to return home at all. From what little you said about your childhood, it seems you endured a lot of hurt and confusion with a mother who was not at times motherly. I know, my mother was very narcissistic and left me with some deep wounds that I am still healing - and she's been dead for four years. She can't give what she doesn't have.

I feel for you - but I don't want you to waste the YEARS I did trying to appease my mother in an attempt to having her love and approval and a "normal" mother-daughter relationship when I knew it wasn't going to happen. Lord knows I tried. Be selfish, and if you feel guilty about her paying for your bills - start paying them yourself and you will rid yourself of that really quick. My mother used money to manipulate too.

Go get your doggies!!! Best of luck..

She really needs to be on a mood stabilizer. Two antidepressants without one is bad, bad, bad. I'm sorry she is saying things on Facebook. I would unfriend her also. She should not be threatening you. I can only imagine what that must have been like growing up. It seems she wants help, by taking medications, but any psychiatrist should know about antidepressants without a mood stabilizer. Those are your dogs and you shouldn't have that hanging over your head. It's good that they are in your name so you can get them back legally. I don't blame you for just wanting to go home, get your stuff and return to where you are now. I hope things get better and you can get through her when she is in a normal state.

Okay group, I really need your support right now. Yesterday (Did it just turn into another day?!) my mom tells me to get home ASAP. I drove all night to get back here. She is threatening to cut me off if I don't take a break with my boyfriend. Apparently she has it in her her mind that he is no good for me, after she had already met him and approved. She thinks we are moving too fast and is trying to force me into something I don't want or believe in. I get home ( around midnight) she tells me to bring my bags in, then goes to her room. So I'm writing to all of you from the couch in my living room. Even worse, she is threatening to not give me my dogs. She said even though I'm listed with the vet as the owner, since she paid the adoption fee for one of my babies she can keep him. The other is a fail foster and I'm not supposed to pay for her, but my mother is using my dogs as a pawn to force me into "taking a break" from my boyfriend. This isn't just a boyfriend for me, this is the guy I am planning on living with when his contract with the Army is up. He is going to finish his degree then we both plan on attending professional school together away from here. I haven't told her that part. I don't know what to do, I'm supposed to start classes on Tuesday and I can't deal with this. I know I need mega therapy.

As JustJulie62 pointed out, I haven't talked much about my childhood. Well my grandfather died when I was in elementary school. I remember my mom really going off the rails then. That's when I realized she wasn't normal. My dad tried to have her committed but she actually was let go. Even though she would yell and scream horrible things. Sometimes (rare) she did hit me. My dad could normally buffer these situations, or take me out of the environment. These are some of the reasons I haven't had a steady man around. I know I want to build a future with this one, Wes, he's a good man. I know I need to be selfish here, I'm just having a hard time. Although it seems like she's trying to force me into a corner. She took down any pictures of me in the house. I know I'm going to have to make a hard decision today. I most likely will cut all ties with my mother.