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01/02/2012 05:48 AM

Really Need Help--Paranoid

reviled
Posts: 129
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Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/10/2012 05:25 PM
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01/02/2012 05:55 AM
centerseeker
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I don't have advice as I have not been where you are and have no training or background to help you but i wanted to tell you that you are safe here. We are all here to listen to and help one another. If you were on meds before have you considered making an appointment with a pscychiatrist as well as a therapist in case meds can help?

01/02/2012 06:03 AM
reviled
Posts: 129
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Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/10/2012 05:25 PM

01/02/2012 06:35 AM
uppitywoman
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You are indeed safe here. No one is going to hurt you. This is a support group and we are here to help one another. I can't help but believe that some of what you are believing is paranoid thinking. The thoughts that people are speaking in codes about you just doesn't ring true to me. It is true that we have to live with the consequences of our actions and the only thing you can do is to apologize for the things you have said and done. Medications will help with the paranoia. That is a symptom of mania and once that is under control you will feel better and be able to assess your situation with clearer thinking.

I am sorry you are in this position and are feeling so bad. The reason you went into a spiral with prozac is because giving an antidepressant alone without a mood stabilizer or an antipsychotic to someone with bipolar will trigger mania. If you were diagnosed with bipolar at the time I am surprised that you were given just that. A competent psychiatrist will not do that. So if the one you go to gives you only an antidepressant, find another. There are plenty of good ones out there. But I doubt that will happen if you are clear in explaining what happened and how you are feeling right now.

Welcome to the group. Feel free to PM (private message) me or any other group leader if you want or need to.


01/02/2012 06:44 AM
reviled
Posts: 129
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Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/18/2012 09:14 AM

01/02/2012 07:04 AM
uppitywoman
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You'll have to try and forgive yourself because you were out of control at the time. Give yourself grace, it wasn't all your fault. It's not easy to forgive yourself, but mania, especially if it hasn't happened for a long time and comes out of the blue, truly takes over and there is little we can do about it. Yes, there will likely be some who may not forgive you and you will have to live with that unfortunate consequence, but you will have done your best to reach out mend the relationship. If you explain what happened, it might help. I hope some will accept your apologies and forgive you.

01/02/2012 07:28 AM
reviled
Posts: 129
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Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/10/2012 05:25 PM

01/02/2012 07:44 AM
uppitywoman
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Reviled, you are not the only person to believe that you were possessed or are evil because of things you did. It sounds like you reached the point of psychosis if you believed you were possessed. That's not just basic mania. I am not a pdoc, so I am NOT diagnosing you, I am just rendering an opinion based on what I have learned about bipolar. I don't think for one moment that you are an evil person. When I get manic, I am not a nice person. I get angry to the point of breaking things. Does that make me an evil person? I don't see myself as evil. I recognize that when mania hits me, I just have extreme emotions that are hard to control and you would have had absolutely no control whatsoever over psychosis. You need to cut yourself some slack and pick up the pieces and do what you can to fix things and accept what you cannot. It's good that you are going to see a tdoc, but you also need to see a pdoc for medications, unless this tdoc is able to prescribe. Take care of yourself, forgive yourself, and do not think poorly of yourself. You are not evil. You have a mental illness that caused you to behave in regrettable ways, but that is treatable so it doesn't happen again.

01/02/2012 08:48 AM
reviled
Posts: 129
Member



Post edited by: reviled, at: 02/10/2012 05:25 PM

01/02/2012 10:03 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6811
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Apologies and explanations can go a long way toward fixing damaged relationships. I know this from personal experience. Everyone I apologized to for my behavior while undiagnosed and untreated has forgiven me and understands that bipolar disorder was the reason I acted/spoke as I did.

If you really think you may be fired for what you said during your episode, imo it makes sense to explain what happened to your boss. You don't have to tell anyone else you have bipolar disorder, but you can apologize to anyone you may have offended. That's all you can do.

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